Gima The Beginning
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Gima: Swallowtails "fantasy adventure
20 total reviews
Comment from LAFraser
Another well written chapter giving us a glimpse into this fascinating world you've created. Thank you for posting. :)
~Eilish
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Another well written chapter giving us a glimpse into this fascinating world you've created. Thank you for posting. :)
~Eilish
Comment Written 14-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Eilish. I really appreciate you reading and giving this fine review.
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You're welcome! It was a pleasure to read. :)
~Eilish
Comment from linnietwotymez
This book is coming along nicely. You have such an imagination, which is a good thing because it shines with your wordplay.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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This book is coming along nicely. You have such an imagination, which is a good thing because it shines with your wordplay.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for reading another chapter and giving it a generous review. It is, as you know, a labor of love. :)ellen
Comment from krazykats2011
This is definitely worth the effort and time spent reading, but what amazes me the most about your story is the detailed descriptives you use throughout all that I have read thus far. I can't fathom having such an eye for the details that you are able to incorporate into each new chapter of your story. I am not able to, as well, imagine the discipline that you must have while writing, that allows you to stay on track. You have so many characters, so many new vocabulary to add to my storage, and yet it all seems to make so much sense. I tried my hand at just a story and it didn't go anywhere because I can't seem to wrap myself around all that goes into it. So, with that, I say congrats and great job! You have exceeded even the smallest of my expectations.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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This is definitely worth the effort and time spent reading, but what amazes me the most about your story is the detailed descriptives you use throughout all that I have read thus far. I can't fathom having such an eye for the details that you are able to incorporate into each new chapter of your story. I am not able to, as well, imagine the discipline that you must have while writing, that allows you to stay on track. You have so many characters, so many new vocabulary to add to my storage, and yet it all seems to make so much sense. I tried my hand at just a story and it didn't go anywhere because I can't seem to wrap myself around all that goes into it. So, with that, I say congrats and great job! You have exceeded even the smallest of my expectations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much for this fine review. It means a lot to have you tell me these things, for then I know what is working in the story. I worry as I guess we all do, that I'll loose the reader by being too wordy and then by not saying enough. LOL It seems that you feel, I've found the thin line to walk in this chapter to have clarity without wordiness. Thank you so much. :) ellen xxx
Comment from Tammara
WOW...I don't know how you do it, such wonderful writing! It's not easy to bestow human emotions onto alien creatures without them becoming human metaphors. But you managed to keep the weirdness and still let the reader feel empathy with the characters. I had to take some time off because I was very sick. So now I have a lot of catching up to do on reviews. Your work will always inspire me to do my very best at writing! Love Ya :)
Tammara
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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WOW...I don't know how you do it, such wonderful writing! It's not easy to bestow human emotions onto alien creatures without them becoming human metaphors. But you managed to keep the weirdness and still let the reader feel empathy with the characters. I had to take some time off because I was very sick. So now I have a lot of catching up to do on reviews. Your work will always inspire me to do my very best at writing! Love Ya :)
Tammara
Comment Written 13-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012
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Oh Tammara. I missed you. I remember you saying that you'd be gone due to illness and I'd check your profile page every once in a while and you were still not there. How are you doing? I hope much better. Thank you for your generous review stars and enjoyment of this chapter. I do enjoy your writing, too. Be well and write as you feel up to it. I'm so glad you are up to coming back. Love, ellen
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I missed you too! I am getting better now. I have asthma and sometimes it will cause me to get pneumonia, and that takes weeks to get better from. You are so welcome, you deserved it! I love reading your story. I have started working on a story for another contest. I would love to know what you think of it when I'm done and I post it. :)
Tammara
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Let me know. It should come to my box, though. Right?
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Oh..ya, that's right..lol. :)
Comment from cvcopac
Well, here I am many hours later and still tired (one of those days); but have read this enjoyable story twice and will review. With the notes I'm reminded of, 'The Trilogy of The Hobbit.' This is way more mature and has a contemporary feel to it. Your writing style is so descriptive as to make some poets envious. The story kept me locked in from start to finish. I liked the lesson session with Blathen and the love scene was teriffic. I like the way you built the suspense into the chapter and ended with same. The notes are a story apart. What an imagination. I'll definitly read some more. You have one possible typo: "Silence." Trell signs...(sighs)
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Well, here I am many hours later and still tired (one of those days); but have read this enjoyable story twice and will review. With the notes I'm reminded of, 'The Trilogy of The Hobbit.' This is way more mature and has a contemporary feel to it. Your writing style is so descriptive as to make some poets envious. The story kept me locked in from start to finish. I liked the lesson session with Blathen and the love scene was teriffic. I like the way you built the suspense into the chapter and ended with same. The notes are a story apart. What an imagination. I'll definitly read some more. You have one possible typo: "Silence." Trell signs...(sighs)
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you, cvcopac. I came back today and found your fine review and six star rating. Your words are very helpful in being able to see what is working through out the story. You're the first to mention the love scene and to say it was teriffic is a relief. The session with Blathen was a challenge. I had to keep paring it down. I'm glad, too, that you like the bit of poetic style in this chapter. Oh, Trell is signing to Blathen because that is a primary way for the Vermel to communicate and Blathen was droning. Thank you so much for spending so much time on this when you are so tired. Have a wonderful week. :) ellen
Comment from Tina55
Another complex addition to your story, Ellen. It's very well executed!
"control your needs and be great. Allow them to control you and be nothing." (Great line)
The father - son training up is very well presented. It's believable and holds just enough emotion and care to draw in the reader.
It's interesting how Trell whispers I love you to his son because he's learned it from Gima. Drawing the mother's nurturing love into the relationship is clever.
His small fist opens to release a small bit of crushed corncob into the tall waving grass as Blathen enters a mellow sleep where he hears mulberry bush melodies and laughter. The smells of blue coneflowers and horsemint prevail over memories of scurrying creatures and metallic 'red,' and he hears an honored voice whispering his most favorite new word. Love. (This is a great passage. Very vivid...very textural)
The feel of her softness rushes through him, and in anticipation his lips open. (and in anticipation, his lips open...or his lips open in anticipation.)
I like how you bounce me around from scene to scene, showing me everything that is happening instead of just focussing in on one person or storyline. They are all entwined, and you show them as such.
And, it flows really easily...Good work!
Love,
Tina
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Another complex addition to your story, Ellen. It's very well executed!
"control your needs and be great. Allow them to control you and be nothing." (Great line)
The father - son training up is very well presented. It's believable and holds just enough emotion and care to draw in the reader.
It's interesting how Trell whispers I love you to his son because he's learned it from Gima. Drawing the mother's nurturing love into the relationship is clever.
His small fist opens to release a small bit of crushed corncob into the tall waving grass as Blathen enters a mellow sleep where he hears mulberry bush melodies and laughter. The smells of blue coneflowers and horsemint prevail over memories of scurrying creatures and metallic 'red,' and he hears an honored voice whispering his most favorite new word. Love. (This is a great passage. Very vivid...very textural)
The feel of her softness rushes through him, and in anticipation his lips open. (and in anticipation, his lips open...or his lips open in anticipation.)
I like how you bounce me around from scene to scene, showing me everything that is happening instead of just focussing in on one person or storyline. They are all entwined, and you show them as such.
And, it flows really easily...Good work!
Love,
Tina
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you very much, Tina. The quiteness of his chapter was difficult. Not much excitement. It is doing OK, I guess. Reviews are slow. Even on the little poem. How is it going with your post? It seems many fans(of others too) are not reviewing. Same old problem. Ho-hum. I hoped to hear for Avery on this one. I've done two of hers now.
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You may still, yet. I haven't offered as much as I usually do the last couple times that I've posted, which slows down the traffic. To be honest, I've found the traffice a little slower for a month or so. Maybe people are traveling or something. Who knows. I'd rather have half a dozen meaty reviews than 15 quick Thanks for writing, have a nice day, thanks for your money, reviews. So, I'm okay with the handful of regulars that I get. I personally only follow 4 or 5 stories at a time so that I can keep it all straight in my head. How about you?
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I have three going right now and am trying out two more. I may or may not stick with them. Two I was reading ended. Four is really pleanty and too, it depends on the number of posts per week. If they are incessant, I don't stay. Two a week seems fine. Then there's time to browse and write.
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I hear ya!! :-)
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'Memories' is on the first page. It's doing very well, and a fine review came in on my chapter.
I'm not so blue. :) Like you said a good review is worth waiting for amongst the shorter nothing ones.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
An amazing chapter, Ellen - you never cease to amaze me with your vivid imagination and how your words paint the scene for the reader to view.
"More[,](.)" Blathen kicks his heels on the ground.
Gima touches Trell's face(,) [and] grips his arms with her small hands and moves above, around and under him. - 3 and's - ymight you consider losing one
Margaret
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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An amazing chapter, Ellen - you never cease to amaze me with your vivid imagination and how your words paint the scene for the reader to view.
"More[,](.)" Blathen kicks his heels on the ground.
Gima touches Trell's face(,) [and] grips his arms with her small hands and moves above, around and under him. - 3 and's - ymight you consider losing one
Margaret
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Margaret for your eye to this for the nits. It always nice to hear that you are enjoying it.:) ellen
Comment from adewpearl
I love the conversation between father and son :-) What a wonderful relationship you depict between them
As a poet, I appreciate the alliteration in your prose
lovely description of setting
His gift is only for Gima, only for his wonder, who he loves - whom
Brooke
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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I love the conversation between father and son :-) What a wonderful relationship you depict between them
As a poet, I appreciate the alliteration in your prose
lovely description of setting
His gift is only for Gima, only for his wonder, who he loves - whom
Brooke
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you, Brooke for your sweet words. This is a chapter with a lot of bonding. It may have been not enough action but things like this have to be done to set up the emotions for later scenes. I'm glad that you feel a relationship between Trell and Blathen. I get a bit prosey ... have to be careful not to go too far. I'm glad that you liked it. Several others have as well. Not the guys so much though. LOL They want some more mayhem. (coming right up, sir. lol) I'll be changin' the whom directly. Thank ya, ma'am.:) ellen( I think)
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what is it with guys and mayhem? :-)
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They miss it and call the other boring. Well, we have a bear for them. LOL
Comment from peggles
This is a very good follow on chapter You have put me totally off camping my family keeps trying to make me come with them
We have no bears in the UK but I should still be thinking of creepy crawlies
I enjoyed reading this there is a lot of realistic dialogue and believable action
I hope that bear does not get anyone
Looking forward to next chapter
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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This is a very good follow on chapter You have put me totally off camping my family keeps trying to make me come with them
We have no bears in the UK but I should still be thinking of creepy crawlies
I enjoyed reading this there is a lot of realistic dialogue and believable action
I hope that bear does not get anyone
Looking forward to next chapter
Comment Written 12-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2012
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Thank you, peggles. LOL so now you won't be camping. Some go in those campers so you won't be on the ground for the creepy crawlies. LOL Thank you for your kind comments. I'm pleased to have your view on things. Bears will be bears.:) ellen
Comment from Capture
I am caught up in this story.
I am caught up in the diligent thought which you offer to every detail. I can actually picture some of your characters, good and bad. I do of course have my favourites.
Then the pursuit by hunter, yet humanised by his injury.
Awesome read!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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I am caught up in this story.
I am caught up in the diligent thought which you offer to every detail. I can actually picture some of your characters, good and bad. I do of course have my favourites.
Then the pursuit by hunter, yet humanised by his injury.
Awesome read!
Comment Written 11-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2012
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Thank you for your fine words. I'm so pleased that you are 'caught up with the story.' Hunter and Azzy are human and I'm trying to keep them that way while distinguishing Gima and Trell from them and then Blathen is something all together different--vermel. If I slip up please let me know. It's getting harder. The good and he bad are not as clear cut as they were in Bellow City. LOL Thank you again. I do appreciate your review and five stars.:) Barking dog
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A little insight into my thinking, I quickly tire of convention, which you of course, are anything but! Keep writing!!!
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Thank you. I'm very flattered.:) BD