The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Red Dress chapter forty one"The story of a teenage girl
15 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Why do people always underestimate the psychotic personality's obsessive tendencies? Their ability to be two steps ahead of everyone else? Another chapter rendering me speechless. :-(
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Why do people always underestimate the psychotic personality's obsessive tendencies? Their ability to be two steps ahead of everyone else? Another chapter rendering me speechless. :-(
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Well, I can't put it off for much longer, so I am answering the last of my reviews today having had a couple of days off. Thank you so much, Sue. You truly are a top rate reviewer. Hugs, Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
It all fitted into place.-- ok where I live we say 'fit' into place. But that may be one of those differences. If so disregard. I'm trying to learn so hang in there with me. :-)
When Lisa explained it to Richard, he agreed that the best place to take the pictures to was the police station in Chelmsford where the accident had happened.-- I don't think you need the second 'to' after pictures ( in my opinion).
Lisa couldn't think of anything worse, and said so.--personal opinion but the last part ... and she said so... sounds 'cheesy'. I don't think you need it. Just saying ... Lisa couldn't think of anything worse. Paints a good picture.
CONFUSED? When did she tell Richard she was pregnant. He assumed it and the Dr. confirmed it but I don't recall her telling him in the car so he's thinking about it is confusing. Maybe take a look unless I missed it. If that's the case OOPS.:-)
O-M G where is the car? AAAAAA This is SOO good!!!!!!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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It all fitted into place.-- ok where I live we say 'fit' into place. But that may be one of those differences. If so disregard. I'm trying to learn so hang in there with me. :-)
When Lisa explained it to Richard, he agreed that the best place to take the pictures to was the police station in Chelmsford where the accident had happened.-- I don't think you need the second 'to' after pictures ( in my opinion).
Lisa couldn't think of anything worse, and said so.--personal opinion but the last part ... and she said so... sounds 'cheesy'. I don't think you need it. Just saying ... Lisa couldn't think of anything worse. Paints a good picture.
CONFUSED? When did she tell Richard she was pregnant. He assumed it and the Dr. confirmed it but I don't recall her telling him in the car so he's thinking about it is confusing. Maybe take a look unless I missed it. If that's the case OOPS.:-)
O-M G where is the car? AAAAAA This is SOO good!!!!!!
Comment Written 16-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2012
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Don't get me going! I still have this bloody book to finish! I so love your reviews. Just as well she lost the baby, it might have ended up bouncing on some poor begger's bed. Will I ever forget that? No, not a chance! Alexis x
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I know, I laugh about that still .. it's cute! :-P I love reading your work so it's a trade off! Becca x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
Hey I have to tell you as cute as you are, you seem to have a bit of a sadistic side. I am confused as hell now and not sure what Nick and Lisa are doing next. Nicely hung out to dry
Bear
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Hey Alexis
Hey I have to tell you as cute as you are, you seem to have a bit of a sadistic side. I am confused as hell now and not sure what Nick and Lisa are doing next. Nicely hung out to dry
Bear
Comment Written 14-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2012
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Not me, Bear, I don't know where you get that idea. Okay, maybe just a little bit! Thank you so much for another of your valued reviews. Alexis x
Comment from Gideon300
A very compelling storyline.
It just keeps you wondering what's going to happen with those pictures.
Really nice work.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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A very compelling storyline.
It just keeps you wondering what's going to happen with those pictures.
Really nice work.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, and greatly appreciated six. The next three or four chapters should answer a few questions (and create a few more!) Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Little did he know[no comma in place of "that." they say "that" is a bad word and you should delete as many as possible, but too many people replace them with commas. I'd rather see "that" than a comma.] she already knew the whole story regarding what he had done to Alan,
He got to the hotel just before six thirty[If you put "he" before"ran," it would be a complete sentence and thecomma would be correct. Without "he," it is not a complete sentence so no comma] and ran into the reception where the elderly night porter was sitting reading one of the papers. Nick ignored him[same thing] and ran up the stairs two at a time.
After a minute or so, the guest in the next room opened their["the guest" is singular; "their" is plural. Either use "his" or "her," or change "guest" to "man" or "woman." That way, the proper pronoun comes naturally.] door and angrily asked him to stop making such a damned
racket.
Nick had to wait for the receptionist to arrive just before seven o'clock[] when he demanded a passkey for Lisa's room, --- "when" does not work here. Either "before he could demand" or "to demand"
The receptionist checked on the computer screen in front of her[ and] then told him it wasn't necessary.
No, she needed to get them to the Chelmsford police[] because that's where the accident had happened,
Because of that[,] his
card represented much more than his address, or the fact he was a lawyer. She had also known that[,] if she ever wanted to know anything about Alan, Richard
would have been able to find out via Vikki or Karen.
question as a writer: When I write fiction, I often write something in one chapter that ends up tying in with what I write later, but I had no idea of that at the time I wrote it. When Lisa kept Richard's card, did you have this in mind, or was it one of those instances where it just fell in place and you patted yourself on the back for being so smart when you didn't know you were being.
The offices of Turner and Clark were quaintly old fashioned. --- "quaint" means old-fashioned; redundant.
Reference books lined the bookshelves in the reception[] where the girl behind the large mahogany,
leather-topped desk[leather-topped, mahogany desk] seemed to spend most of the time answering the phone. After two or three minutes of patiently waiting for a gap between conversations,
Lisa asked if Richard was in[] and was told he was with a client.
After twenty minutes or so, Richard came out of his office door[] and shook hands with the client he had just seen. He was just about to go back into his
office[] when he saw Lisa sitting in the reception area. He smiled warmly when he recognised her[] and came straight over to where she was sitting.
Lisa stood up and was just about to reply[] when Richard went to kiss her on the cheek, his usual mode of greeting a female acquaintance.
"So you're not here for my body then[,] Lisa?" he joked.
I've been reading all about your engagement to the famous Mr. Corday[] and bragging to all my friends about
His cousin Vikki had phoned him[] and told him all about it when
but the beating Alan had given Liam after he attacked her[] had probably tipped the balance when Nick
When Lisa explained it to Richard, he agreed that the best place to take the pictures []was the police station in Chelmsford where the accident had
The doctor's a friend of mine[] and will see you right away.
Lisa was so relieved[Missing "that"] she nearly started crying again.
When Lisa got to the surgery[,] she was treated with kindness,
It was the night of Vikki's party[] when they had made love so passionately upstairs in the
Lisa didn't care where she stayed[]
as long as she got there and managed to expose what Nick had done.
Richard looked across at her and[,] seeing her sleeping, felt very relieved. When Graham had phoned him at the office while Lisa was on her way back from
his surgery, he had not only told him about Lisa's pregnancy, he had also voiced his concerns. Assuming that Lisa was Richard's client, he recommended
that Lisa should go to the police immediately[] because the extent of her internal bruising, and the bruising to the front of her thighs and abdomen, confirmed
that she had been brutally raped.
Under normal circumstances[,] he would be trying to work out a way to seduce her himself,
Ten miles before Chelmsford, Richard noticed he was low on fuel[] so started looking for a petrol station.
BTW, have you read Rosamunde Pilcher's books? they take place in Scotland and are excellent.
Roberta
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Little did he know[no comma in place of "that." they say "that" is a bad word and you should delete as many as possible, but too many people replace them with commas. I'd rather see "that" than a comma.] she already knew the whole story regarding what he had done to Alan,
He got to the hotel just before six thirty[If you put "he" before"ran," it would be a complete sentence and thecomma would be correct. Without "he," it is not a complete sentence so no comma] and ran into the reception where the elderly night porter was sitting reading one of the papers. Nick ignored him[same thing] and ran up the stairs two at a time.
After a minute or so, the guest in the next room opened their["the guest" is singular; "their" is plural. Either use "his" or "her," or change "guest" to "man" or "woman." That way, the proper pronoun comes naturally.] door and angrily asked him to stop making such a damned
racket.
Nick had to wait for the receptionist to arrive just before seven o'clock[] when he demanded a passkey for Lisa's room, --- "when" does not work here. Either "before he could demand" or "to demand"
The receptionist checked on the computer screen in front of her[ and] then told him it wasn't necessary.
No, she needed to get them to the Chelmsford police[] because that's where the accident had happened,
Because of that[,] his
card represented much more than his address, or the fact he was a lawyer. She had also known that[,] if she ever wanted to know anything about Alan, Richard
would have been able to find out via Vikki or Karen.
question as a writer: When I write fiction, I often write something in one chapter that ends up tying in with what I write later, but I had no idea of that at the time I wrote it. When Lisa kept Richard's card, did you have this in mind, or was it one of those instances where it just fell in place and you patted yourself on the back for being so smart when you didn't know you were being.
The offices of Turner and Clark were quaintly old fashioned. --- "quaint" means old-fashioned; redundant.
Reference books lined the bookshelves in the reception[] where the girl behind the large mahogany,
leather-topped desk[leather-topped, mahogany desk] seemed to spend most of the time answering the phone. After two or three minutes of patiently waiting for a gap between conversations,
Lisa asked if Richard was in[] and was told he was with a client.
After twenty minutes or so, Richard came out of his office door[] and shook hands with the client he had just seen. He was just about to go back into his
office[] when he saw Lisa sitting in the reception area. He smiled warmly when he recognised her[] and came straight over to where she was sitting.
Lisa stood up and was just about to reply[] when Richard went to kiss her on the cheek, his usual mode of greeting a female acquaintance.
"So you're not here for my body then[,] Lisa?" he joked.
I've been reading all about your engagement to the famous Mr. Corday[] and bragging to all my friends about
His cousin Vikki had phoned him[] and told him all about it when
but the beating Alan had given Liam after he attacked her[] had probably tipped the balance when Nick
When Lisa explained it to Richard, he agreed that the best place to take the pictures []was the police station in Chelmsford where the accident had
The doctor's a friend of mine[] and will see you right away.
Lisa was so relieved[Missing "that"] she nearly started crying again.
When Lisa got to the surgery[,] she was treated with kindness,
It was the night of Vikki's party[] when they had made love so passionately upstairs in the
Lisa didn't care where she stayed[]
as long as she got there and managed to expose what Nick had done.
Richard looked across at her and[,] seeing her sleeping, felt very relieved. When Graham had phoned him at the office while Lisa was on her way back from
his surgery, he had not only told him about Lisa's pregnancy, he had also voiced his concerns. Assuming that Lisa was Richard's client, he recommended
that Lisa should go to the police immediately[] because the extent of her internal bruising, and the bruising to the front of her thighs and abdomen, confirmed
that she had been brutally raped.
Under normal circumstances[,] he would be trying to work out a way to seduce her himself,
Ten miles before Chelmsford, Richard noticed he was low on fuel[] so started looking for a petrol station.
BTW, have you read Rosamunde Pilcher's books? they take place in Scotland and are excellent.
Roberta
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I really don't know how to thank you enough for reviews like this, Roberta. I promise (and I always keep them!) when I get this published (there's confidence for you!) I shall not only being acknowledging you, but working out a way to repay you. In answer to your question regarding plot building, yes, I write the basic story and then go back and insert the characters required to glue the whole plot together. I wouldn't dare post fiction on Fan Story before completing a book because of that. The Red dress was written years ago (probably shows!) and has slept in my computer until I felt that I could morally expose it to the public because my mother was an alcoholic, and there are over a dozen chapters which are sadly not fiction. Now that both my parents have passed, I feel confident enough to try and get it published, so fingers crossed! Thank you my friend. Your help is, as always, greatly appreciated. Alexis x
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Are you fictionalizing this? I've always wanted to write my autobiography but have not known how to handle certain thing sin my life.
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Good morning Roberta. No, I have used five or six life changing things that happened to me, written about them, and created a story around them. At first it was just a cathartic exercise (chapters 1&2) which acted as a catalyst for the rest.I did the same thing with 'No such thing as a problem', although admit there is a huge amount of me in that one (that's why I had to kill the poor woman off!) I work on the basis that you are best to write using topics that you know something about, so in your case I'm sure there must be enough material to write at least a dozen books!
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
don't tell me the car
had gone, that she had
driven off in it?
This was rather a long chapter for one reviewing, Alexis...
take-off
well-penned, my friend.
Margaret
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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don't tell me the car
had gone, that she had
driven off in it?
This was rather a long chapter for one reviewing, Alexis...
take-off
well-penned, my friend.
Margaret
Comment Written 12-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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I know, sorry! I have divided every chapter in half, but find it hard to separate them further. Your review is greatly appreciated, Margaret, because I admire your work so much. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Well, what story are you weaving now. Has Lisa been taken away by Nick or has she decided to go off on her own? I think that Nick has found her and will probably drag her away and hide her out for a while. Poor Lisa, life just keeps giving her lemons. I'm intrigued as to where you are going with this; thanks for sharing. Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Well, what story are you weaving now. Has Lisa been taken away by Nick or has she decided to go off on her own? I think that Nick has found her and will probably drag her away and hide her out for a while. Poor Lisa, life just keeps giving her lemons. I'm intrigued as to where you are going with this; thanks for sharing. Please keep writing, I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much. Hopefully what's coming up won't be too predictable, but I try to keep the reader guessing as much as I can (I'm a natural sadist when it comes to journalism!) Alexis x
Comment from debskatz
Hey alexis,
Oh, HELL NO!! You did not end this chapter like that! And I've got to wait til tomorrow before I find out what's going on? YOU TWIT!!! lol
Found a couple of spag:
Lisa knew (that) if she decided to
Lisa was exhausted, so suggested she (went to) sleep
Great chapter! Seriously, I think you're a sadist for leaving us in the lurch like that!
smiles,
deb
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Hey alexis,
Oh, HELL NO!! You did not end this chapter like that! And I've got to wait til tomorrow before I find out what's going on? YOU TWIT!!! lol
Found a couple of spag:
Lisa knew (that) if she decided to
Lisa was exhausted, so suggested she (went to) sleep
Great chapter! Seriously, I think you're a sadist for leaving us in the lurch like that!
smiles,
deb
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Sorry Boss, couldn't help myself! There are two more for you to get stuck into when you get the chance! Alexis x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa escapes nick and takes the picture to richard and she finds out she's pregnant with alan's baby. now i have a feeling she's been kidnapped?
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa escapes nick and takes the picture to richard and she finds out she's pregnant with alan's baby. now i have a feeling she's been kidnapped?
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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My thanks as always for your lovely review. Take care, Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
Great way to end the chapter. I can see so much understanding of human nature in the lines and actions of the characters. I think I would want to keep the baby, but would wonder if I could raise it well, considering a her upbringing. It is a sweet feeling though, to have a life growing that's a part of you and so mysterious. Thank you for the entertainment;) Love, Lisa
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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Great way to end the chapter. I can see so much understanding of human nature in the lines and actions of the characters. I think I would want to keep the baby, but would wonder if I could raise it well, considering a her upbringing. It is a sweet feeling though, to have a life growing that's a part of you and so mysterious. Thank you for the entertainment;) Love, Lisa
Comment Written 11-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2012
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As you know know, the option of the baby surviving now hangs in the balance, as does Lisa's life. I so love fiction! Thank you sp much for reading and reviewing. Alexis x