The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "The Red Dress chapter thirty five"The story of a teenage girl
14 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Alan's sister is a bubblehead. Kind and well intentioned, but a flipping bubblehead.
I don't even know what to say. Honestly, Lisa's beginning to remind me of a celebrity. She changes allegiances and men she wants to live with forever more often than I change my bloomers. Codependent poster child. And Alan? Grow a pair and call the girl. Geesh. These two need me to knock their thick noggins together!!!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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Alan's sister is a bubblehead. Kind and well intentioned, but a flipping bubblehead.
I don't even know what to say. Honestly, Lisa's beginning to remind me of a celebrity. She changes allegiances and men she wants to live with forever more often than I change my bloomers. Codependent poster child. And Alan? Grow a pair and call the girl. Geesh. These two need me to knock their thick noggins together!!!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2012
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I stand for her defence because she's a really sweet, well meaning bubble head (and anyway, I might need her in the next book so I have to be nice to her!) Can't really put off these answers can I? Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Well, I'm glad that Alan has finally awaken. Poor Carla, having been by his side and all he can think of was Lisa. I feel Lisa's visit with Nick will have some revelations of it's own; I can't wait to find out what happens when Lisa and her family arrive at the Isle of Man. Another good chapter; keep writing, I'm still reading.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Well, I'm glad that Alan has finally awaken. Poor Carla, having been by his side and all he can think of was Lisa. I feel Lisa's visit with Nick will have some revelations of it's own; I can't wait to find out what happens when Lisa and her family arrive at the Isle of Man. Another good chapter; keep writing, I'm still reading.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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I know, poor Carla, but I think she'll be fine. Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Another well written chapter
Alexis, holding the interest
throughout...
interupted
interrupted
them to know. [to.]
Margaret
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Another well written chapter
Alexis, holding the interest
throughout...
interupted
interrupted
them to know. [to.]
Margaret
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much for your review and spotting those spags, Margaret. I seem to create more when I'm correcting after reviews! Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
consciousness[] when he inter[r]upted her.
They all looked at each other[,] not knowing what to say.
and the only way his father could stop him going on about it[] was by promising to bring it in the following day.
Those who hadn't actually witnessed Nick's dramatic arrival and his romantic proposal[]
had heard all about it from their friends, and everyone was enthralled by the story.
had stayed at Teddy's parent[s'] house in London.
but she would only tell them what she wanted them to know.[ to.]
She found out more about his business from the article[] than he had ever told her himself.
did he know that half the country was talking about his Lisa[] as a result of the article in The Daily Mail.
His father and sister heard him muttering something under his breath[] before he put the paper down.
The single tear that had escaped from his right eye[]
left a hot and bitter track as it slowly travelled down his cheek....
Roberta
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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consciousness[] when he inter[r]upted her.
They all looked at each other[,] not knowing what to say.
and the only way his father could stop him going on about it[] was by promising to bring it in the following day.
Those who hadn't actually witnessed Nick's dramatic arrival and his romantic proposal[]
had heard all about it from their friends, and everyone was enthralled by the story.
had stayed at Teddy's parent[s'] house in London.
but she would only tell them what she wanted them to know.[ to.]
She found out more about his business from the article[] than he had ever told her himself.
did he know that half the country was talking about his Lisa[] as a result of the article in The Daily Mail.
His father and sister heard him muttering something under his breath[] before he put the paper down.
The single tear that had escaped from his right eye[]
left a hot and bitter track as it slowly travelled down his cheek....
Roberta
Comment Written 09-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Roberta. I always feel so much happier with a chapter after you've reviewed it because I know that you don't miss anything. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
Excellent chapter! Aw man, these two are making it difficult! ;-)
I didn't see anything to fix and I am off to read more of your wonderful writing.
Believe it or not reading your work helps me because I know when th4e time comes I have to write like this and seeing you do it gives me courage to go there. Thanks!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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Excellent chapter! Aw man, these two are making it difficult! ;-)
I didn't see anything to fix and I am off to read more of your wonderful writing.
Believe it or not reading your work helps me because I know when th4e time comes I have to write like this and seeing you do it gives me courage to go there. Thanks!
Comment Written 08-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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The crazy thing is, the more encouragement you get, the better you write, your reviews being a perfect example. Thank you so much my friend. I am so enjoying this experience! Alexis x
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You're welcome and I am enjoying the experience of reading it!! :-)
I know that great reviews help you have confidence to write better! You go girl!! :-)
Comment from LisaSilva
"Check out page five, Alan. You won't believe it," she enthused.
Alan pushed the paper away. His sister didn't understand that he had other things on his mind.
"I'm not interested, Karen."
This sums up the feeling. No one's fault, just misunderstandings as is often the case in life.
"Unless a seed fall to the ground and die, it shall not grow"
This quote reminds me of the tension and fear of loss it takes to make a relationship blossom.
Love, Lisa
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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"Check out page five, Alan. You won't believe it," she enthused.
Alan pushed the paper away. His sister didn't understand that he had other things on his mind.
"I'm not interested, Karen."
This sums up the feeling. No one's fault, just misunderstandings as is often the case in life.
"Unless a seed fall to the ground and die, it shall not grow"
This quote reminds me of the tension and fear of loss it takes to make a relationship blossom.
Love, Lisa
Comment Written 08-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2012
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I have added that one to my list, Lisa. It's spot on. You seem to be so in tune with everything I write. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from Hareem.S
Awww poor guy. I really feel so sorry for Alan. Its the most saddest when what comes between two people is misunderstanding and not reality. Alan must be crushed. Cant wait to read more.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Awww poor guy. I really feel so sorry for Alan. Its the most saddest when what comes between two people is misunderstanding and not reality. Alan must be crushed. Cant wait to read more.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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And I can't wait for you to read it. I get the feeling that you understand Lisa completely. Thank you so much for your review. Alexis x
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Yes I do understand Lisa completely! This is the one of the very few stories that I eagerly look forward to read.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa faces her friends at school and alan is torn up about lisa's engagement and mike's death.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chapter where lisa faces her friends at school and alan is torn up about lisa's engagement and mike's death.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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I really look forward to your reviews and understanding of the story. Thank you. Alexis x
Comment from axelbeariter
Alan lay there as his family shed tears of relief, and thought only of Lisa./Switch that around: Alan lay there and thought only of Lisa as his family shed tears of relief.----but she would only tell them what she wanted to./Try this one: but she would only tell them what she wanted them to know----The single tear that had escaped from his right eye, left a hot and bitter track as it slowly travelled down his cheek....
/Nice ending. Another good job.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Alan lay there as his family shed tears of relief, and thought only of Lisa./Switch that around: Alan lay there and thought only of Lisa as his family shed tears of relief.----but she would only tell them what she wanted to./Try this one: but she would only tell them what she wanted them to know----The single tear that had escaped from his right eye, left a hot and bitter track as it slowly travelled down his cheek....
/Nice ending. Another good job.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Axel. That, as usual, looks much better. Don't worry, the soppy stuff is over by the time we get to chapter 38, and the action about to start. Alexis x
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I love soppy stuff too, especially yours. With all your twists and turns my head is constantly spinning. It's the only mental exercise I get. Axel
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Lol x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
A fabulous read my friend...this has all the excitement the reader wants and needs. Now that Lisa's engagement is out and both have given up on the love they shared the reader too is pulled into the loss.
Great flow in this chapter it read perfectly. I loved it from beginning to end.
Exceptional work...I'm still on the edge of my seat.Hoping true love eventually wins out....:)
These are just suggestions or words I thought popped up different from either side of the pond...
Suggestions/thoughts/edits:
" It took an hour or so for him to absorb what Carla had told him about the accident, (but) by the time his elated parents and ..." // Remove 'but' not needed.
""He died instantly when he went through the (windscreen) and hit a wall, Alan. It wasn't your fault, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt."" // Over here its windshield, just a heads up.x
"He remembered the car careering down the hill just after Mike had taken his seat belt off. The poor bastard hadn't had a chance" // bastard seems to negative/ strong, how about 'bugger'?
"the (lorry) when they careered down the hill, and he remembered Mike's face " // truck - just letting ya know:)
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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A fabulous read my friend...this has all the excitement the reader wants and needs. Now that Lisa's engagement is out and both have given up on the love they shared the reader too is pulled into the loss.
Great flow in this chapter it read perfectly. I loved it from beginning to end.
Exceptional work...I'm still on the edge of my seat.Hoping true love eventually wins out....:)
These are just suggestions or words I thought popped up different from either side of the pond...
Suggestions/thoughts/edits:
" It took an hour or so for him to absorb what Carla had told him about the accident, (but) by the time his elated parents and ..." // Remove 'but' not needed.
""He died instantly when he went through the (windscreen) and hit a wall, Alan. It wasn't your fault, he wasn't wearing a seatbelt."" // Over here its windshield, just a heads up.x
"He remembered the car careering down the hill just after Mike had taken his seat belt off. The poor bastard hadn't had a chance" // bastard seems to negative/ strong, how about 'bugger'?
"the (lorry) when they careered down the hill, and he remembered Mike's face " // truck - just letting ya know:)
Comment Written 07-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2012
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Well what can I say but thank you, thank you, thank you. You have been such an inspiration while I have been editing this, Maureen. Only about ten chapters to go. Phew..... Alexis x