The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Red Dress chapter thirty"The story of a teenage girl
12 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Alexis, I am impressed by your writing ability to manage my moods so thoroughly with this story. The writing is really smoothe and paced in such a way that you're driving me crazy. Well, you aren't, the story is. But it's your fault, young lady!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Alexis, I am impressed by your writing ability to manage my moods so thoroughly with this story. The writing is really smoothe and paced in such a way that you're driving me crazy. Well, you aren't, the story is. But it's your fault, young lady!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2012
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Okay, I'm going to keep your last three reviews on the Red Dress until tomorrow. Thank you so much my friend for your great reviewing. I have read your poem and I am bowled over by it. So much so, I'm reading it again on Sunday when I get my sixes topped up because it so deserves yet another one! Alexis x
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My poem? I'm going blank.... yeah, I know, what makes today any different?? Oh, wait, are you talking about Asylum? There is such a story behind that... isn't there always?
Comment from axelbeariter
"Lisa,' he shouted. Where are you?/Dialogue within dialogue is handled this way. "'Lisa,' he shouted. 'Where are you?'"----When he came back to the relative's room, where they were waiting, he was smiling from ear to ear./Since we're talking about they, relatives' would be more appropriate. You also might try to re-work, smiling from ear to ear, since that's a well known cliche.----"Where's Alan's mobile?'/put a double quotation mark after mobile?"----picked up a cab to take her back to the hospital at the bottom of the street./Write this way: picked up a cab at the bottom of the street to take her back to the hospital.----because she would have to phone her Dad to bring her in fresh clothes./Delete in----the unresponsive abyss of his coma./That would read better as brain instead of coma----C D player/Use CD player and again at the end of this paragraph----Well done again
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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"Lisa,' he shouted. Where are you?/Dialogue within dialogue is handled this way. "'Lisa,' he shouted. 'Where are you?'"----When he came back to the relative's room, where they were waiting, he was smiling from ear to ear./Since we're talking about they, relatives' would be more appropriate. You also might try to re-work, smiling from ear to ear, since that's a well known cliche.----"Where's Alan's mobile?'/put a double quotation mark after mobile?"----picked up a cab to take her back to the hospital at the bottom of the street./Write this way: picked up a cab at the bottom of the street to take her back to the hospital.----because she would have to phone her Dad to bring her in fresh clothes./Delete in----the unresponsive abyss of his coma./That would read better as brain instead of coma----C D player/Use CD player and again at the end of this paragraph----Well done again
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2012
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My apologies for taking so long to thank you for this review but I have been saving it until I had time to do it justice and consider everything you suggested. As usual, the chapter now looks much better. Thank you, Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
As always... well thoughtout
and well presented
making it so easy to follow, Alexis.
moved all night,[.]
have dozens more[,] or none at all
Margaret
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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As always... well thoughtout
and well presented
making it so easy to follow, Alexis.
moved all night,[.]
have dozens more[,] or none at all
Margaret
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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My thanks again, Margaret. Your review is really appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from AlexAX
Yay! Carla is back at last. And ooops for the nurse thinking that Carla was Lisa but easily to see why. I kept willing that phone to be switched on lol you really make people wait and build up the tension lol such a cruel pen you weave ;) hahah Great chapter, good plots and set ups for the next, never knowing what is coming up, but knowing it will be dished up like a seven course meal! I saw just this .. He might have dozens more, or none at all(.) He won't .. Alex :)
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Yay! Carla is back at last. And ooops for the nurse thinking that Carla was Lisa but easily to see why. I kept willing that phone to be switched on lol you really make people wait and build up the tension lol such a cruel pen you weave ;) hahah Great chapter, good plots and set ups for the next, never knowing what is coming up, but knowing it will be dished up like a seven course meal! I saw just this .. He might have dozens more, or none at all(.) He won't .. Alex :)
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Sorry, I'm going as fast as I can without compromising the editing too much. Your great reviews spurn me on. Thank you! Alexis x
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No need to hurry :) It's your book that creates my reviews. Alex :)
Comment from rwilliam
It rang several times before at last it was picked it up...
--Minor oops :-) it was picked up. Take out that extra 'it' that snuck in there.
GREAT ending to this chapter. UGH! You are a cliff hanger type of writer! I hate/LOVE it . LOL :-)
Good job! Keep posting, I'm "enjoying" hahaha
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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It rang several times before at last it was picked it up...
--Minor oops :-) it was picked up. Take out that extra 'it' that snuck in there.
GREAT ending to this chapter. UGH! You are a cliff hanger type of writer! I hate/LOVE it . LOL :-)
Good job! Keep posting, I'm "enjoying" hahaha
Comment Written 04-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Is there any other way? I always need a reason to move on to the next chapter when I read a book, so try to do the same. Thank you so much for picking up my extra 'it' As they say, you can never edit enough! Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
They now regretted that decision[] because Carla mistook them shielding her from the pain of Alan's possible death[] as them not considering her feelings.
When they got to the hospital[,] she went straight up to intensive care where she found Alan hooked up to various monitors looking grey and deathlike.
Jack pulled out Alan's flat keys, which the hospital had given him for safe keeping after Alan was admitted[.]
hadn't moved all night[,] and noticed his hand twitching.
Alan watched [as] she pulled away from him and started walking towards Mike[] [as] she looked back at him over her shoulder.
Carla asked him how often these fits were likely to happen, but he didn't seem to know the answer for sure. --- Either, he didn't seem to know the answer, or he didn't seem to know for sure, but not both.
It rang several times before at last it was picked [it] up...
Oh boy. I have a feeling I know where this is going. Lisa is going to marry Nick, and then find out when it's too late about alan's accident.
Roberta
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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They now regretted that decision[] because Carla mistook them shielding her from the pain of Alan's possible death[] as them not considering her feelings.
When they got to the hospital[,] she went straight up to intensive care where she found Alan hooked up to various monitors looking grey and deathlike.
Jack pulled out Alan's flat keys, which the hospital had given him for safe keeping after Alan was admitted[.]
hadn't moved all night[,] and noticed his hand twitching.
Alan watched [as] she pulled away from him and started walking towards Mike[] [as] she looked back at him over her shoulder.
Carla asked him how often these fits were likely to happen, but he didn't seem to know the answer for sure. --- Either, he didn't seem to know the answer, or he didn't seem to know for sure, but not both.
It rang several times before at last it was picked [it] up...
Oh boy. I have a feeling I know where this is going. Lisa is going to marry Nick, and then find out when it's too late about alan's accident.
Roberta
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Thank you so much, Roberta. Your reviews are invaluable, and always appreciated. Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
Well, Lisa certainly was not expecting Carla to answer the phone. I appalled Carla for not falling into temptation while she was away. Yes, I believe sometimes committed couples may feel themselves drawn to someone other than their mate; but I am happy to see a story where everyone does not give into temptation. I have a feeling Carla will probably end up running back to her "friend." Alan and Carla may end up at the alter but...Keep Writing, I'll keep reading.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Well, Lisa certainly was not expecting Carla to answer the phone. I appalled Carla for not falling into temptation while she was away. Yes, I believe sometimes committed couples may feel themselves drawn to someone other than their mate; but I am happy to see a story where everyone does not give into temptation. I have a feeling Carla will probably end up running back to her "friend." Alan and Carla may end up at the alter but...Keep Writing, I'll keep reading.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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I think it can be the most natural thing in the world, but fortunately sense often prevails. In my estimation the dream would always be better than the reality. Thank you so much for your continued support and reviews. Alexis x
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chappter where lisa thinks carla is back in alan's life. and carla reveals in her thoughts that she met someone she was falling in love with.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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this is very well written, alexis, you did a great job writing this chappter where lisa thinks carla is back in alan's life. and carla reveals in her thoughts that she met someone she was falling in love with.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Well done! Nobody else has really picked up on Carla's little mental affair in Spain. Thank you for your great review. Alexis x
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh bloody heck!! Woman your killing me .....dragging it out, got no nails, hairs probably standing on end as I yell and scream to my monitor wishing it was YOU!!!
Good grief, how is it taking soooooooo long.....
Great chapter but I need the next one. Didn't notice anything that needed work....except can these people start talking to each other.....:)
I need a glass of wine now.!
I'm turning into a BC I can feel it!!!
Maureen
wc
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Oh bloody heck!! Woman your killing me .....dragging it out, got no nails, hairs probably standing on end as I yell and scream to my monitor wishing it was YOU!!!
Good grief, how is it taking soooooooo long.....
Great chapter but I need the next one. Didn't notice anything that needed work....except can these people start talking to each other.....:)
I need a glass of wine now.!
I'm turning into a BC I can feel it!!!
Maureen
wc
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2012
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Me too, having just posted another two chapters! I think you still might be cross with me though because a real 'biggie'is being posted tomorrow! Hope you are okay wc, I think of you often. Love Alexis x
Comment from James McCorkle
You continue to draw out the suspense Alexis, and make it enjoyable at the same time. What a fertile mind you have, and what plots you devise. Love stories all mixed up in a fashion which shows how crazy we humans are. I am glad that I am well beyond that young indecisive age of not knowing my own mind. I guess the war took care of that period in my life when I might not have known what to do, and I was fortunate enough to find the right mate after all. james.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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You continue to draw out the suspense Alexis, and make it enjoyable at the same time. What a fertile mind you have, and what plots you devise. Love stories all mixed up in a fashion which shows how crazy we humans are. I am glad that I am well beyond that young indecisive age of not knowing my own mind. I guess the war took care of that period in my life when I might not have known what to do, and I was fortunate enough to find the right mate after all. james.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2012
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You get the chapter every time, James. Thank you so much. Say 'hello' to your lady for me. Love Alexis x
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You make reading a pleasure to be enjoyed. James.