The Red Dress
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "The Red dress chapter twelve."The story of a teenage girl
15 total reviews
Comment from wordsfromsue
Hmmmm.... I don't know what Cruella's up to now. I'm hoping her father has gotten a clue and found a backbone.
Riveting chapter....
I kept hearing a wee chorus of "Bunny time, bunny time...."
:-)
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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Hmmmm.... I don't know what Cruella's up to now. I'm hoping her father has gotten a clue and found a backbone.
Riveting chapter....
I kept hearing a wee chorus of "Bunny time, bunny time...."
:-)
Comment Written 15-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2012
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I am so enjoying your reviews because of your great sense of humour! Alexis x
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Wow, I've got a lot to catch up on. I shouldn't take so much time away.
She lay on the bed with nothing to her name but the clothes she had walked out in, and the few things Alan's sister, Karen[,] had given her.
She felt wealthier now[] than she had ever felt in her life.
Alan didn't enjoy being reminded [of] Carla at that moment in time, especially by his mother. He started filling the dishwasher[] and tried to change the --- No comma before "and" when what follows it is not a complete sentence. If you'd said, "and he tried" it would be a complete sentence and the comma would be right.
"You didn't tell me Lisa knew Vikki Clark[,] you sod!"
"And I love you too[,]" she said, amazed at how easily the words came from her lips. --- Remember that an ellipsis shows a pause. Do not use it for a comma or a period. Traditionally, a dash is used for pause, and ellipsis is used to show text omitted, but a lot of people on here use it instead of the dash. Don't over use it or its affect becomes diluted.
"Christ[,] woman, look what you've done to my car!" he joked, in an effort to bring them both back to reality.
of them would ever forget... --- Thhis might be correct if it trails off. However, if it doesn't, then use a period.
"Will you be mine[,] Lisa?" he asked, to the delight of all the passers-by who'd stopped to see what he was doing.
The thought of taking Lisa in his arms and making love to her for the first time in the privacy of his flat[ made] him desperate to get back as soon as he could.
Alan reached out and touched her cheek reassuringly[.]
Lisa hoped he was right[] and picked up the phone and dialled the number.
Roberta
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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Wow, I've got a lot to catch up on. I shouldn't take so much time away.
She lay on the bed with nothing to her name but the clothes she had walked out in, and the few things Alan's sister, Karen[,] had given her.
She felt wealthier now[] than she had ever felt in her life.
Alan didn't enjoy being reminded [of] Carla at that moment in time, especially by his mother. He started filling the dishwasher[] and tried to change the --- No comma before "and" when what follows it is not a complete sentence. If you'd said, "and he tried" it would be a complete sentence and the comma would be right.
"You didn't tell me Lisa knew Vikki Clark[,] you sod!"
"And I love you too[,]" she said, amazed at how easily the words came from her lips. --- Remember that an ellipsis shows a pause. Do not use it for a comma or a period. Traditionally, a dash is used for pause, and ellipsis is used to show text omitted, but a lot of people on here use it instead of the dash. Don't over use it or its affect becomes diluted.
"Christ[,] woman, look what you've done to my car!" he joked, in an effort to bring them both back to reality.
of them would ever forget... --- Thhis might be correct if it trails off. However, if it doesn't, then use a period.
"Will you be mine[,] Lisa?" he asked, to the delight of all the passers-by who'd stopped to see what he was doing.
The thought of taking Lisa in his arms and making love to her for the first time in the privacy of his flat[ made] him desperate to get back as soon as he could.
Alan reached out and touched her cheek reassuringly[.]
Lisa hoped he was right[] and picked up the phone and dialled the number.
Roberta
Comment Written 29-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2012
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My apologies for taking so long to thank you for this really helpful review, Roberta but I've been trying to look at it every day to learn something from it. My thanks again for all your help. Alexis x
Comment from rwilliam
WOW, this story has me on the edge of my seat with all the twists and turns. I LOVE IT!!
Great writing. I didn't discover any mistakes or needed corrections ( that I know of ). :-)
Great work , one again!
Now, off to see what happens next....
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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WOW, this story has me on the edge of my seat with all the twists and turns. I LOVE IT!!
Great writing. I didn't discover any mistakes or needed corrections ( that I know of ). :-)
Great work , one again!
Now, off to see what happens next....
Comment Written 26-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2012
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It's so nice to see you reviewing this. Thank you! Alexis x
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hey Alexis
This chapter got my attention right from the get go. I went back and quickly read the five before to get acquainted with the story. I like it and look forward to keeping abreast of it
Bear
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
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Hey Alexis
This chapter got my attention right from the get go. I went back and quickly read the five before to get acquainted with the story. I like it and look forward to keeping abreast of it
Bear
Comment Written 24-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much! I'm delighted because you enjoyed it. Alexis x
Comment from Malerie
More drama; Lisa's mom just won't give up. Another great chapter. Lisa and Alan's attraction is so vivid; the way you describe their kiss, it just electric. I can't wait for the next chapter; I'll keep reading. Thanks again.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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More drama; Lisa's mom just won't give up. Another great chapter. Lisa and Alan's attraction is so vivid; the way you describe their kiss, it just electric. I can't wait for the next chapter; I'll keep reading. Thanks again.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Ah, the joys of young love! I am spending the day editing, so will hopefully post another chapter today. It means so much to me that you are enjoying it. Take care, Alexis x
Comment from LisaSilva
I love the developing friendship between Lisa and Alan's sister.
"She felt euphoric with the realisation that not only was she free of her mother's clutches, but she was free to love Alan."
I'm still thankful to be with the man that I love.
"Alan took Lisa's hand and raised her fingers to his lips."
Ah the spark of a new love, so hot!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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I love the developing friendship between Lisa and Alan's sister.
"She felt euphoric with the realisation that not only was she free of her mother's clutches, but she was free to love Alan."
I'm still thankful to be with the man that I love.
"Alan took Lisa's hand and raised her fingers to his lips."
Ah the spark of a new love, so hot!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Yes, it is lovely to remember back to those first electrifying kisses. That's the wonderful thing about writing, you can relive it as often as you like! Huge thank you for this, and the other reviews. My house is in a mess, my friends frustrated at my anti social behaviour! Better get this book posted as soon as possible so I can get my life back! Alexis x
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I love reading, but you can take your time. Post over coffee and enjoy your life. It could be a nice part of a simple life, maybe. If you post one a week or something that suits your daily routine, you could do both? No hurry;)
Comment from axelbeariter
a lovely home, and nice clothes on your back./Keep it in past tense; a lovely home, and nice clothes on her back.----Their mouths were as one, both tasting of the fresh coffee they'd just drunk./Nice touch----"Well go on then, I'll let you off, just this once, but I don't think it's me you should be getting down on one knee to, young man!" she teased, inclining her head towards Lisa./Great scene----He was certain they couldn't be that lucky twice in a row.../Good hook
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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a lovely home, and nice clothes on your back./Keep it in past tense; a lovely home, and nice clothes on her back.----Their mouths were as one, both tasting of the fresh coffee they'd just drunk./Nice touch----"Well go on then, I'll let you off, just this once, but I don't think it's me you should be getting down on one knee to, young man!" she teased, inclining her head towards Lisa./Great scene----He was certain they couldn't be that lucky twice in a row.../Good hook
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Thank you for letting me off(!) I must admit, I loved the 'coffee kiss' myself. Alexis x
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I've only done that kind of kiss with vodka forty years ago. I did give up vodka 33 years ago.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This is another brilliant chapter. Nothing like burning fires of passion being extinguished by wicked witch of the East aka one nut of a mother....
But I can't help but wonder as they are speeding along in their throws of rather excellent lust....what the heck is going on with Nick and Carla??....or are they still flapping in the wind as they head to Alan's flat to do the deed?? Seems a bit weird, carrying on with those two in the not so distant background as girlfriend and fiancee?? And Lisa hasn't even contacted Nick once...that seems weird too.
Oh but now witch has flown in so lust forgotten for a bit.
this was a chapter with lots of heat and re-occurring ice from the bitch witch....
Overall a great read captured me from beginning to end....
Most readers over this side of the pond don't know what a lay-by is.....they don't have them, maybe explain it in your notes.
Loved it great work, nothing stuck out for me but I was really so caught up in the story I was glued to my screen.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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This is another brilliant chapter. Nothing like burning fires of passion being extinguished by wicked witch of the East aka one nut of a mother....
But I can't help but wonder as they are speeding along in their throws of rather excellent lust....what the heck is going on with Nick and Carla??....or are they still flapping in the wind as they head to Alan's flat to do the deed?? Seems a bit weird, carrying on with those two in the not so distant background as girlfriend and fiancee?? And Lisa hasn't even contacted Nick once...that seems weird too.
Oh but now witch has flown in so lust forgotten for a bit.
this was a chapter with lots of heat and re-occurring ice from the bitch witch....
Overall a great read captured me from beginning to end....
Most readers over this side of the pond don't know what a lay-by is.....they don't have them, maybe explain it in your notes.
Loved it great work, nothing stuck out for me but I was really so caught up in the story I was glued to my screen.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Patience, Maureen! It won't be long now (only about twelve chapters!) before good old Nick and Carla are going to be in the spotlight for chapters at a time. Love your reviews, my friend. Alexis x
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Patience...me.......crap
xx
Comment from debskatz
Hey alexis,
Darn! I'd gotten all heated up thinking of the two of them were going to 'do' it, then the cold splash of having to phone the police about her mother. I hope that bitch gets hers! lol
Found some spag:
new(-)found happiness was entirely down(due) to him.
His solicitor had suggested Lisa went(go) to Somerset
Your mother's turned up
At least if the meeting(')s here,
I'm gonna go ahead & give you the 5 stars 'cause I know you'll fix it.
Great chapter! I look forward to the next one!
smiles,
deb
BTW, I've posted a book myself & I would love your input on it. Please don't read it if you think you wouldn't like it. You can find it on the first page. The first chapter is entitled, "The Question." :-)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Hey alexis,
Darn! I'd gotten all heated up thinking of the two of them were going to 'do' it, then the cold splash of having to phone the police about her mother. I hope that bitch gets hers! lol
Found some spag:
new(-)found happiness was entirely down(due) to him.
His solicitor had suggested Lisa went(go) to Somerset
Your mother's turned up
At least if the meeting(')s here,
I'm gonna go ahead & give you the 5 stars 'cause I know you'll fix it.
Great chapter! I look forward to the next one!
smiles,
deb
BTW, I've posted a book myself & I would love your input on it. Please don't read it if you think you wouldn't like it. You can find it on the first page. The first chapter is entitled, "The Question." :-)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Well, if this chapter annoyed you with the putting off the juicy bits, you might get cross with me in the next! Nearly there..... Alexis x
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
How old is Lisa? would help me to know
when I'm reading about her.
persperation
perspiration
would have to go back to Scotland - here, since you used "go back" in the sentence above, might you consider... have to return to Scotland with her parents
- just a thought
Most enjoyable read, Alexis.
Margaret
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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How old is Lisa? would help me to know
when I'm reading about her.
persperation
perspiration
would have to go back to Scotland - here, since you used "go back" in the sentence above, might you consider... have to return to Scotland with her parents
- just a thought
Most enjoyable read, Alexis.
Margaret
Comment Written 22-Jan-2012
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2012
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Thank you so much, Margaret. It's great having extra sets of eyes! Lisa is 17 but her mother is claiming that she is only 15 (as only her mother could! Thank you so much for your helpful review. All observations spot on. Alexis x