Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Dark Knights - BD2"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
36 total reviews
Comment from SLMorrical
A good story. I like supernatural stories, and I really liked this one. I do understand a lot of the UK English, have worked with the British Navy in Washington, DC. I was really engrossed in this story. Sometimes you have to touch and look into the darkness to get something done. Well done.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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A good story. I like supernatural stories, and I really liked this one. I do understand a lot of the UK English, have worked with the British Navy in Washington, DC. I was really engrossed in this story. Sometimes you have to touch and look into the darkness to get something done. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you :-). I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Mike
Comment from Ulla
Hi Mike, this was a great read. Your imagination knows no bounds. What a wonderful piece of prose albeit it's gruesome content. I'm so glad I came across it. I will be looking out for more. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Hi Mike, this was a great read. Your imagination knows no bounds. What a wonderful piece of prose albeit it's gruesome content. I'm so glad I came across it. I will be looking out for more. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you :-). This is among my favourite of my own writing so it's been great fun sharing it with new readers.
Mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
My goodness, that was really gruesome! I'm glad I had a six left. Your amazing use of imagery enables us to be there, witnessing the scene, but at the same time, not wanting to be. The superglue idea was ingenious, I'm sure it would work, too. Now, from what I'm gathering, Mr Black wants the baby dead, so, if that was the case, why isn't the baby's body there? Is there another reason he would take the child with him, perhaps the baby is needed as a sacrifice to another demon? If that is the case, the child is still alive and there's a chance Mike can rescue him. You really have a great story here, Mike, one that I can read, but would have a pillow in front of my face all the time if it was on the tele! Really well done! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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My goodness, that was really gruesome! I'm glad I had a six left. Your amazing use of imagery enables us to be there, witnessing the scene, but at the same time, not wanting to be. The superglue idea was ingenious, I'm sure it would work, too. Now, from what I'm gathering, Mr Black wants the baby dead, so, if that was the case, why isn't the baby's body there? Is there another reason he would take the child with him, perhaps the baby is needed as a sacrifice to another demon? If that is the case, the child is still alive and there's a chance Mike can rescue him. You really have a great story here, Mike, one that I can read, but would have a pillow in front of my face all the time if it was on the tele! Really well done! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Lol, I think I'd be right there with you behind that pillow :-). This scene was intense and hard to write, but I needed it to be awful as it functions as Mike's motivation for the insanity that follows!
Tha ks so much for the awesome review :-)
Mike
Comment from Cindy Warren
Radshaw has guts, and quite the vocabulary. Very colorful and unexpected phrases. Amy's injuries freaked me out a little, and I've bandaged woulds that were right to the bone. I suppose it was because of the way she got them. Saving that baby won't be easy.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Radshaw has guts, and quite the vocabulary. Very colorful and unexpected phrases. Amy's injuries freaked me out a little, and I've bandaged woulds that were right to the bone. I suppose it was because of the way she got them. Saving that baby won't be easy.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Cindy :-). I needed that scene to be disturbing, as it's Radshaw's motivation for the rest of the story, which gets madder as it goes :-)
Mike
Comment from Jay Squires
I would be remiss not to award 6 stars to the most gripping piece of fiction I've read in years.
We were matching stares in mutual acknowledgment of fear [So much conveyed in 9 words!]
When my instincts interfere with my biology, I make a point of listening. [Another good one!]
Amy, and if you so much as have a weird or scary thought, get the fuck out of here. [Excellent foreshadowing!]
down a dismal alley in one of those areas of London that feels like the dark ages never ended. [No, it's beyond clever: This sets the scene in a smart way!]
It is in his power and his remit to turn off the sun. If we defy him, he will render this plane a barren darkness ruled over by the eldritch bones of humanity." [This paragraph shows fully what our protag is up against, and the ratchet is tightened about as much as it can.]
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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I would be remiss not to award 6 stars to the most gripping piece of fiction I've read in years.
We were matching stares in mutual acknowledgment of fear [So much conveyed in 9 words!]
When my instincts interfere with my biology, I make a point of listening. [Another good one!]
Amy, and if you so much as have a weird or scary thought, get the fuck out of here. [Excellent foreshadowing!]
down a dismal alley in one of those areas of London that feels like the dark ages never ended. [No, it's beyond clever: This sets the scene in a smart way!]
It is in his power and his remit to turn off the sun. If we defy him, he will render this plane a barren darkness ruled over by the eldritch bones of humanity." [This paragraph shows fully what our protag is up against, and the ratchet is tightened about as much as it can.]
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Jay, for this awesome review. It's great when someone can pick out specific bits that stood out to them. It took me months to write the next chapter after this one - it properly drained me.
Mike
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It does my heart good to hear there are slow writers out there like myself! Perfectionism can be dark!
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
A brit milah? Well, you don't see that one referenced every day now do you. So descriptive in wording, so artistic; "crummier than a bread graveyard," I can see the office, piled high with papers. Concrete dildo?? Yikes.
Para 6, 3rd sentence: SHOULD (in Horseferry) be (on Horseferry)?
Para 7, 1st sentence: Add comma after (meek) separate two complete clauses
Para 7, 2nd sentence: SUGGEST change (close) to (closely)
Para 14, 3rd sentence: SUGGEST adding (but) before (they were)
Para 14, 4th sentence: SUGGEST a semicolon (;) rather than a comma (,) after (task) Two complete clauses with different thoughts.
Para 14, 6th sentence: (got) should be (gotten)
Para 18, 1st sentence: (old fashioned) should be (old-fashioned) hyphen
Para 18, 6th sentence: SHOULD (destination) be (location)?
Para 19, 1st sentence: SUGGEST a semicolon (;) rather than a comma (,) after (nodded) Two complete clauses with different thoughts.
After first *****
Para 8, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (rollercoaster) second half of sentence is not a complete clause, no noun.
Para 21, 1st sentence: Add comma after (ticked) two complete clauses.
After second *****
Para 4, 1st sentence: CONSIDER semicolon after myself instead of a comma. Two complete clauses.
Para 9, 1st sentence: ("I'msosorry sosorry) should be ("I'm so sorry, so sorry) Unless using no spaces was for effect, to indicate rapid speech.
Para 9, 2nd sentence: (god) should be (God)
Para 16, 5th sentence: Add comma after (distress) this to separate two complete clauses; noun and verb.
Para 20, 1st sentence: (heard) should be (hear)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: (window panes) should be (windowpanes)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (louder) this to separate two complete clauses; noun and verb.
I like you invoking familiar names like Wes Craven and Disney. It makes the tale even that much more down to earth, if it can be down to earth at all. Loopier than a slinky? This article is full of colorful, whimsical analogies, I love it. Great creative writing.
Extremely and creatively descriptive in set, character and actions. A very engrossing read.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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A brit milah? Well, you don't see that one referenced every day now do you. So descriptive in wording, so artistic; "crummier than a bread graveyard," I can see the office, piled high with papers. Concrete dildo?? Yikes.
Para 6, 3rd sentence: SHOULD (in Horseferry) be (on Horseferry)?
Para 7, 1st sentence: Add comma after (meek) separate two complete clauses
Para 7, 2nd sentence: SUGGEST change (close) to (closely)
Para 14, 3rd sentence: SUGGEST adding (but) before (they were)
Para 14, 4th sentence: SUGGEST a semicolon (;) rather than a comma (,) after (task) Two complete clauses with different thoughts.
Para 14, 6th sentence: (got) should be (gotten)
Para 18, 1st sentence: (old fashioned) should be (old-fashioned) hyphen
Para 18, 6th sentence: SHOULD (destination) be (location)?
Para 19, 1st sentence: SUGGEST a semicolon (;) rather than a comma (,) after (nodded) Two complete clauses with different thoughts.
After first *****
Para 8, 3rd sentence: Remove comma after (rollercoaster) second half of sentence is not a complete clause, no noun.
Para 21, 1st sentence: Add comma after (ticked) two complete clauses.
After second *****
Para 4, 1st sentence: CONSIDER semicolon after myself instead of a comma. Two complete clauses.
Para 9, 1st sentence: ("I'msosorry sosorry) should be ("I'm so sorry, so sorry) Unless using no spaces was for effect, to indicate rapid speech.
Para 9, 2nd sentence: (god) should be (God)
Para 16, 5th sentence: Add comma after (distress) this to separate two complete clauses; noun and verb.
Para 20, 1st sentence: (heard) should be (hear)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: (window panes) should be (windowpanes)
Para 21, 2nd sentence: Add comma after (louder) this to separate two complete clauses; noun and verb.
I like you invoking familiar names like Wes Craven and Disney. It makes the tale even that much more down to earth, if it can be down to earth at all. Loopier than a slinky? This article is full of colorful, whimsical analogies, I love it. Great creative writing.
Extremely and creatively descriptive in set, character and actions. A very engrossing read.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thanks for the awesome review, Gary, and for the time spent suggesting corrections - it's enormously appreciated. I'm glad you mentioned the familiar references like Disney - in my mind, it helps people relate, and hopefully there are enough in there that if a few don't land for everyone, it's not a problem.
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
I'm hooked, Mike! This is sensational. Your descriptives are exceptional, and your phraseological injections lower the scene's temperature, releasing the reader from its encapsulating darkness for just the right amount of time. I am such a fan, my friend! Love this revival book! Best, JohnC.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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I'm hooked, Mike! This is sensational. Your descriptives are exceptional, and your phraseological injections lower the scene's temperature, releasing the reader from its encapsulating darkness for just the right amount of time. I am such a fan, my friend! Love this revival book! Best, JohnC.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2022
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Thanks, John! I'm so glad you're enjoying it, my friend. In re-reading and tweaking these before I revive them, I'm finding myself back in Mike Radshaw mode, so who knows - perhaps he'll get a novel for NaNoWriMo in November :-)
Mike
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That would be the best, Mike. I'm not sure I have a Novel in me, but I better try soon otherwise, I'll be writing it from the other side! Haha! You are talented, my friend I wish you all the best.
Comment from lyenochka
Well, Mike, this is really grotesque stuff - not the usual fare that I would read. Even the occasional humorous metaphor doesn't make up for the violence. But the part that bothers me most is that the baby only cried once. All throughout I kept wondering where the baby was. Was the baby still on his back in the backpack? If so, wouldn't the Knights taken him? Or was the baby back in the office with Amy? Maybe I missed that part. But even in the prior part, there was mention about feeding and diaper changing but a baby always reminds you he/she is there. At least, that's the mom in me - gotta know what the baby is doing all the time.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Well, Mike, this is really grotesque stuff - not the usual fare that I would read. Even the occasional humorous metaphor doesn't make up for the violence. But the part that bothers me most is that the baby only cried once. All throughout I kept wondering where the baby was. Was the baby still on his back in the backpack? If so, wouldn't the Knights taken him? Or was the baby back in the office with Amy? Maybe I missed that part. But even in the prior part, there was mention about feeding and diaper changing but a baby always reminds you he/she is there. At least, that's the mom in me - gotta know what the baby is doing all the time.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Helen. I'm pleased to say it gets a bit sillier after this chapter, but I needed the scene with Amy to be disturbing. It's what drives Mike's actions through the rest of the story.
The baby was left with Amy at the office (then taken by Mr Black) so it's only in the first scene. I freely admit, my personal experience of babies is limited but what you say certainly makes sense :-)
Mike
Comment from royowen
How exciting is this? You could be compared to A Stephen King novel with this great story, I've only ever read one of his stories, being mainly a sci fi fan, reading all the great ones. But you really have got a good one here, showing how difficult it is to break into best seller heaven. Well done Mike, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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How exciting is this? You could be compared to A Stephen King novel with this great story, I've only ever read one of his stories, being mainly a sci fi fan, reading all the great ones. But you really have got a good one here, showing how difficult it is to break into best seller heaven. Well done Mike, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Roy :-). I'm flattered by the comparison. I hope to use this character in a new book fairly soon.
Mike
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Well done
Comment from Malcolm Rothery
This story is like Alice's 'eat me' cake, except it screams 'For the love of Mike, publish me.' I am currently reading 'Finders Keepers' by Stephen King. This is way better than that.
I cannot wait for the next chapter.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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This story is like Alice's 'eat me' cake, except it screams 'For the love of Mike, publish me.' I am currently reading 'Finders Keepers' by Stephen King. This is way better than that.
I cannot wait for the next chapter.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2022
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Well, I'll take that compliment :-). I hope to start a new Mike Radshaw story soon - he's a great character for exploring extreme emotions!
I'm thrilled you're enjoying it.
Mike