The Heir Apparent
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "When is Too Much Too Much?"A family learns their father is a serial killer
36 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Valerie:)
As I remember from the first draft, this has largely the same details of the terrible history of incest and murder by James' paternal grandfather. What a twisted and deprived man. In a strange way the murders are reminiscent of King Henry VIII, who murdered his wives when they failed to produce a male heir. Of course James grandfather went further. When his wife produced a girl he waited until his daughter was old enough and he could impregnate her. When his wife tried to escape from their isolated home
with with the girl, he caught and killed his wife and waited for his daughter to give birth. Unfortunately this baby was a girl and he took it away (no doubt another murder) and tried again. The next baby was James' father.
Then to prevent discovery, the old bastard killed his daughter, James' grandmother as well.
He controlled James with fear until he finally escaped.
Of course James' father knew about the murders and was taught by his father to disrespect all women.
James' mother explained that she learned most of the details when her husband was drunk so the details were disjointed and gathered over time. Why did she stay wih him/ Fear.
Now James has two unopened letters received by his father, "One had no return address and the other was from Mary Louise Mathews; both had a postal stamp indicating they were from Blaine, Washington," his mother explained.
It was the arrival of these letters shortly after his father died that set James' father on a drunken rampage of abuse.
Now, I am ready for James to open and read the letters.
that may be as bad as letting the genie out of the lamp.
I only went through the story in detail to be certain that I followed the convoluted trail of incest and murder.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Hi Valerie:)
As I remember from the first draft, this has largely the same details of the terrible history of incest and murder by James' paternal grandfather. What a twisted and deprived man. In a strange way the murders are reminiscent of King Henry VIII, who murdered his wives when they failed to produce a male heir. Of course James grandfather went further. When his wife produced a girl he waited until his daughter was old enough and he could impregnate her. When his wife tried to escape from their isolated home
with with the girl, he caught and killed his wife and waited for his daughter to give birth. Unfortunately this baby was a girl and he took it away (no doubt another murder) and tried again. The next baby was James' father.
Then to prevent discovery, the old bastard killed his daughter, James' grandmother as well.
He controlled James with fear until he finally escaped.
Of course James' father knew about the murders and was taught by his father to disrespect all women.
James' mother explained that she learned most of the details when her husband was drunk so the details were disjointed and gathered over time. Why did she stay wih him/ Fear.
Now James has two unopened letters received by his father, "One had no return address and the other was from Mary Louise Mathews; both had a postal stamp indicating they were from Blaine, Washington," his mother explained.
It was the arrival of these letters shortly after his father died that set James' father on a drunken rampage of abuse.
Now, I am ready for James to open and read the letters.
that may be as bad as letting the genie out of the lamp.
I only went through the story in detail to be certain that I followed the convoluted trail of incest and murder.
Love and Irish hugs,
Roger
Comment Written 02-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2012
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Actually, all chapters numbered 26 and beyond, have not been revised yet. I haven't removed them because I am still working on them. I realize this is very confusing but you will be notified as I post a new one. The next chapter is 4 and the changes are not particularly great...just minor ones.
Comment from vickib
Wow, that's twisted isn't it? I feel like I'm watching a movie it's written so well. Man Valerie this must be a lot of work and you make it seem effortless when reading it. A super chapter full of intense stuff. XO
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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Wow, that's twisted isn't it? I feel like I'm watching a movie it's written so well. Man Valerie this must be a lot of work and you make it seem effortless when reading it. A super chapter full of intense stuff. XO
Comment Written 09-May-2011
reply by the author on 09-May-2011
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It may seem effortless but I live, sleep, and dream about this constantly. My problem is I keep making changes.
Comment from missy98writer
Sahsa,
chapters twenty-eight through thirty I'm reading. I'm behind on chapter reviews. Chapter twenty-eight is excellently written. Chapter twenty-eight is very well written. Your descriptive writing is superb in this chapter. Your dialogue is great. You narrative is excellent. I love this rewrite.
Melissa.
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Sahsa,
chapters twenty-eight through thirty I'm reading. I'm behind on chapter reviews. Chapter twenty-eight is excellently written. Chapter twenty-eight is very well written. Your descriptive writing is superb in this chapter. Your dialogue is great. You narrative is excellent. I love this rewrite.
Melissa.
Comment Written 07-May-2011
reply by the author on 07-May-2011
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Don't worry about being behind, I am too. Glad you liked this one.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Some really ugly family secrets came out in this> I will recap so you cAN SEE it's clear.
James grandfather killed the woman he married, then lived with his daughter as though they were husband and wife; she became James' father's mother/sister. His dad did not learn of this until after he was married, then became abusive/controlling, and a murderer.
If I'm wrong let me know.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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Some really ugly family secrets came out in this> I will recap so you cAN SEE it's clear.
James grandfather killed the woman he married, then lived with his daughter as though they were husband and wife; she became James' father's mother/sister. His dad did not learn of this until after he was married, then became abusive/controlling, and a murderer.
If I'm wrong let me know.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2011
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No, you have it all correct. :)
Comment from axelbeariter
Dressed in her familiar sophisticated Barbie attire, something Dad would have chosen,/great characterization portrait----it sounded more like a poorly written soap opera destined to gather dust on an out of work writer's stack of rejections./apropos metaphor----You are getting so good. I found nothing awry in this great chapter----You have outdone yourself with this very tricky subject to keep straight----Helluva job. Bravo
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Dressed in her familiar sophisticated Barbie attire, something Dad would have chosen,/great characterization portrait----it sounded more like a poorly written soap opera destined to gather dust on an out of work writer's stack of rejections./apropos metaphor----You are getting so good. I found nothing awry in this great chapter----You have outdone yourself with this very tricky subject to keep straight----Helluva job. Bravo
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thank you so very much. Yes, tricky subject...good think I am familiar with depressions and betrayal. I sincerely appreciate your awesome 6 stars.
Comment from words
Another well written chapter.
Human beings are capable of such joy,wonder, charity and also capable of the worst darkness and self destructive behavior.
James is an example of the courage and intelligence ....
Looking forward to knowing what the letter said.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Another well written chapter.
Human beings are capable of such joy,wonder, charity and also capable of the worst darkness and self destructive behavior.
James is an example of the courage and intelligence ....
Looking forward to knowing what the letter said.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thanks again for the awesome review.
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Thanks again for the awesome review.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Wow this kid has a lot on his mind doesn't he. I love the development I see in your characters and the story line. It is positively a riveting write. Well done xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Wow this kid has a lot on his mind doesn't he. I love the development I see in your characters and the story line. It is positively a riveting write. Well done xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thank you so much for your awesome review.
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Thank you so much for your awesome review.
Comment from raw form
For every chapter I become more engrossed in your pyschological thriller of sorts it just keeps reeling me in excellent story thus far.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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For every chapter I become more engrossed in your pyschological thriller of sorts it just keeps reeling me in excellent story thus far.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thanks you so much. I am pleased you continue to enjoy this story.
Comment from Dale95
Chills! This is powerful writing and depicts the obscene kind of reality that some of us experience in real life. Scary indeed, and you referenced to three true stories too. And I have seen this same kind of hate and total disregard for others in some animal abuse situations. There are some cold hearted people out there that need major exposure. Shine that light... And Write On. -Dale
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Chills! This is powerful writing and depicts the obscene kind of reality that some of us experience in real life. Scary indeed, and you referenced to three true stories too. And I have seen this same kind of hate and total disregard for others in some animal abuse situations. There are some cold hearted people out there that need major exposure. Shine that light... And Write On. -Dale
Comment Written 21-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2011
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Thanks you so much. It is really quite frightening to know there really are people like this among us..
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Fantastic hook!!!! I wish I could give you a six, but I can't.
Again Mom pausedl, (extra 'l')
Mom took a deep breath, "James, I know this sounds disjointed, but I don't know all the details, just what your dad told me in a drunken stupor." (period after breath)
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Fantastic hook!!!! I wish I could give you a six, but I can't.
Again Mom pausedl, (extra 'l')
Mom took a deep breath, "James, I know this sounds disjointed, but I don't know all the details, just what your dad told me in a drunken stupor." (period after breath)
Comment Written 20-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2011
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Thanks for catching the spags. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this.