Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Unsung Hero"A book of a mixture of stories
26 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
You have written a very powerful flash fiction story. I am so sorry that it is a true story. There is no room for improvement.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2009
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You have written a very powerful flash fiction story. I am so sorry that it is a true story. There is no room for improvement.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2009
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Eliz100
I am too! I could not believe that they had the opportunity to stop the train and did not. So many lives were changed forever. Thanks for your kind comments. Carol
Comment from Poe_Named_Me_Lenore
This was based on a real story? Oh, those poor children. You've done a great job with showing what was going on in the car before the train came, and how the mother directed the children's attention to the train as something possibly exciting. Of course, that just adds to the sadness of the piece. And often tragedies bring out the hero in us all, that we sometimes didn't even realize was there. You've really captured that. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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This was based on a real story? Oh, those poor children. You've done a great job with showing what was going on in the car before the train came, and how the mother directed the children's attention to the train as something possibly exciting. Of course, that just adds to the sadness of the piece. And often tragedies bring out the hero in us all, that we sometimes didn't even realize was there. You've really captured that. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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Poe Named Me Lenore...
Thank you for the kind comments, I thought it was horrendous.
I live two miles from the site and when I read that they had been notified and could have stopped the train....Those poor children's lives will never be the same because some one didn't do their job. Carol
Comment from bc1yax
Just to bad for the lost of a person - any person - I hope the railroad payed for it - the storyline was very easy to read - your dialogue had me hooked with in the first few words - the characters were alive to me - the strangers are the true heroes -
bc1yax
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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Just to bad for the lost of a person - any person - I hope the railroad payed for it - the storyline was very easy to read - your dialogue had me hooked with in the first few words - the characters were alive to me - the strangers are the true heroes -
bc1yax
Comment Written 27-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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Thank you so much for the kind remarks. So far they have not done anything as far as I know. If someone had done their job this would not have happened. Thanks Carol
Comment from MaureenC
Carol, this is a contest winning work you have here. The tension is almost palpable and the emotion highly expressive.
Good luck in the contest
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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Carol, this is a contest winning work you have here. The tension is almost palpable and the emotion highly expressive.
Good luck in the contest
Hugs and blessings
Maureen
Comment Written 26-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2009
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Maureen
Thanks so much for your kind words. I apologize for not answering sooner but I was out of town. I appreciate your comments. Carol
Comment from ladybird
A very strong story. The descriptive text puts the reader right at the scene. The description of the train wagons derailing and what followed after was vivid, giving the story a tenseness that keeps the reader on the edge of the seat. Well done.Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2009
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A very strong story. The descriptive text puts the reader right at the scene. The description of the train wagons derailing and what followed after was vivid, giving the story a tenseness that keeps the reader on the edge of the seat. Well done.Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2009
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Ladybird...
Thank you for your encouragement and wonderful comments. I greatly appreciate it. Carol C
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You're welcome.
Comment from c_lucas
Some times warnings are ignored. Lives are lost and the number of casualties grow. Each event has it unsung heroes. This is well written. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2009
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Some times warnings are ignored. Lives are lost and the number of casualties grow. Each event has it unsung heroes. This is well written. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2009
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C Lucas...
Thank you so much for reading and your comments. They are greatly appreciated. your friend, Carol
Comment from Soulester
I cannot say that I "enjoyed" this story, but I was certainly riveted! You did an excellent job of foreshadowing and then describing the event. Very vivid description! The dialogue is realistic. When I think that this is a true story, I am awed. The guys were true heroes. Great job! Mary
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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I cannot say that I "enjoyed" this story, but I was certainly riveted! You did an excellent job of foreshadowing and then describing the event. Very vivid description! The dialogue is realistic. When I think that this is a true story, I am awed. The guys were true heroes. Great job! Mary
Comment Written 24-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Soulester..
Yes they were. More than I can say for the people who didn't even bother to try and stop the train so they could check the tracks. A life was lost and many many lives were changed forever. Thank you for reading and commenting. It is greatly appreciated. Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I raised your stars. It was much better
Nice story and it really makes a statement with everything that's happened recently. You did a good job with it.
from the patrol car yet?" (probably need a comma before yet)
began to rock back and forth (How about began rocking back and forth?)
she yelped in pain. She had burned her hand. (How about, she yelped in pain, burning her hand.?)
"It's okay, mommy's got you." (Since Mommy is used as a name here, it's capitalized.)
He kneeled next to Zeta and froze (Don't know why but it's beside not next to.)
ambulance had taken Bobbie and Sara to (took; not had taken)
Emt (EMT)
Darn shame. (I don't swear, but I think here they would have used a stronger word, Damn.)
Why didn't they radio that train to stop? (How about? Why didn't they radio and stop that train?)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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I raised your stars. It was much better
Nice story and it really makes a statement with everything that's happened recently. You did a good job with it.
from the patrol car yet?" (probably need a comma before yet)
began to rock back and forth (How about began rocking back and forth?)
she yelped in pain. She had burned her hand. (How about, she yelped in pain, burning her hand.?)
"It's okay, mommy's got you." (Since Mommy is used as a name here, it's capitalized.)
He kneeled next to Zeta and froze (Don't know why but it's beside not next to.)
ambulance had taken Bobbie and Sara to (took; not had taken)
Emt (EMT)
Darn shame. (I don't swear, but I think here they would have used a stronger word, Damn.)
Why didn't they radio that train to stop? (How about? Why didn't they radio and stop that train?)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Barbara...
Thanks for all your help. I think I've fixed most of it. I'll go through it one more time. Really appreciate the assistance. Thanks again Carol
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EMT according to the dictionary EMERGENCY MEDICAL TECHNICIAN
It's abbreviations so they are capitalized. I hope!
Thanks...Carol
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You're right, but the second time you have it in your post you only capitalized the first letter. The entire EMT should be capitalized.
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Told you that's why I needed you...missed it altogether. Thanks!
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Not a problem, I miss things on a regular basis; no matter how many times I read over it.
Comment from jojosug
Extradinary actions by ordinary people. There is a hero inside most of us, it takes the situation to present itself. A great story, if somewhat distressing.
Jo
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Extradinary actions by ordinary people. There is a hero inside most of us, it takes the situation to present itself. A great story, if somewhat distressing.
Jo
Comment Written 24-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Jo...
Thank you for reading and for sharing lyour comments. They are appreciated. Thanks again - Carol
Comment from Phil Kitom
An excellent piece of writing under the flash
fiction heading. This story has been told so
well and you can almost smell the burning.
Well done and good luck with contest
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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An excellent piece of writing under the flash
fiction heading. This story has been told so
well and you can almost smell the burning.
Well done and good luck with contest
Comment Written 24-Jun-2009
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2009
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Phil...
Thank you for your comments. I was really worried about writing flash fiction because I want to describe so much all the time. Thanks for the encouragement. Carol