Melancholia
A poem of passing.9 total reviews
Comment from Tim Margetts
This is an evocative and thought-provoking short poem.
It contains emotion without focusing on any one specific emotion. In my reading, I feel a mix of so many, hope, happiness loss sadness.
My only suggestion might be on the line
'winters setting sun sets' seems a bit repetitive, maybe 'winters evening sun sets' might flow a bit better.
Well done on a great piece of poetry.
Tim
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This is an evocative and thought-provoking short poem.
It contains emotion without focusing on any one specific emotion. In my reading, I feel a mix of so many, hope, happiness loss sadness.
My only suggestion might be on the line
'winters setting sun sets' seems a bit repetitive, maybe 'winters evening sun sets' might flow a bit better.
Well done on a great piece of poetry.
Tim
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Wow. This is quite the poignant piece, I think
I would have liked it better if the font was larger, but hey, I worked through by squinting. Well done.
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Wow. This is quite the poignant piece, I think
I would have liked it better if the font was larger, but hey, I worked through by squinting. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There is grief and sadness in this poem as we all have to die eventually as life is so short. I am glad the world's woes pass as the weight of the troubles sometimes feel heavy in war torn countries, I enjoyed your sentiment here, love Dolly x
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There is grief and sadness in this poem as we all have to die eventually as life is so short. I am glad the world's woes pass as the weight of the troubles sometimes feel heavy in war torn countries, I enjoyed your sentiment here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Emotions Poetry Contest. This has a darkness to it that is quite lovely. I love the image of the old raven on a gnarled tree branch. and God is taking back a soul on this winter's day. Quite powerful and I really enjoyed it.
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An excellent entry for the Emotions Poetry Contest. This has a darkness to it that is quite lovely. I love the image of the old raven on a gnarled tree branch. and God is taking back a soul on this winter's day. Quite powerful and I really enjoyed it.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from SimianSavant
A worthy entry depicting the ultimate fate of death, which we all must face eventually.
winters setting sun sets <= winter's
Since you have a period at the end, some additional punctuation along the way might be good, for consistency. Eg end sentences or create some sort of break after the 3rd line, 5th line, and the 10th line.
Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
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A worthy entry depicting the ultimate fate of death, which we all must face eventually.
winters setting sun sets <= winter's
Since you have a period at the end, some additional punctuation along the way might be good, for consistency. Eg end sentences or create some sort of break after the 3rd line, 5th line, and the 10th line.
Thanks for the read and best regards,
🦍
Comment Written 16-Jan-2025
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Oh my! This one's pretty dark. The memory it evoked for me was of a usually very happy and positive eight-year-old piano student of mine, who, one day at our lesson, seemed very brooding and non-communicative. "Are you okay?" I asked. "You don't seem like yourself today." "It's been a very dark day in a dark life," she told me, then added, "We started the square dancing unit today in gym class."
xoxoxo
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Oh my! This one's pretty dark. The memory it evoked for me was of a usually very happy and positive eight-year-old piano student of mine, who, one day at our lesson, seemed very brooding and non-communicative. "Are you okay?" I asked. "You don't seem like yourself today." "It's been a very dark day in a dark life," she told me, then added, "We started the square dancing unit today in gym class."
xoxoxo
Comment Written 15-Jan-2025
Comment from Abigail May
The imagery in this poem, the gnarled tree especially, is incredibly vivid. I also love the rhyme scheme present in lines 5 through 8. My only thought is end to the end rhyme in the last line. I love the internal rhyme of the word "soul" in line 11.
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The imagery in this poem, the gnarled tree especially, is incredibly vivid. I also love the rhyme scheme present in lines 5 through 8. My only thought is end to the end rhyme in the last line. I love the internal rhyme of the word "soul" in line 11.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2025
Comment from Carol Clark2
That picture is a bit creepy, but it fits your words well. You paint a good picture with the old raven on the dead branch of a gnarled tree. To me, as a Christian, the last line speaks of a joyous time, rather than a depressing one, but I understand that the idea of death is depressing to many. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
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That picture is a bit creepy, but it fits your words well. You paint a good picture with the old raven on the dead branch of a gnarled tree. To me, as a Christian, the last line speaks of a joyous time, rather than a depressing one, but I understand that the idea of death is depressing to many. Best wishes in the contest. Carol
Comment Written 15-Jan-2025
Comment from patcelaw
We can all hope and pray that the woes of the world who pass. We've come through four years, where there was so many woes that the world was feeling. And finally, I think we're coming around the corner to a better day. At least it's my hope and my prayer that we are.
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We can all hope and pray that the woes of the world who pass. We've come through four years, where there was so many woes that the world was feeling. And finally, I think we're coming around the corner to a better day. At least it's my hope and my prayer that we are.
Comment Written 15-Jan-2025
