A Ghost
A ghost needed help to be free of her eathtly bond.2 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Whew... a whole lot happening in such a short span of time... perhaps some more detail about the family... about Amanda... And where did the kids get the idea for a seance? Still, a good thought for a story with a happy ending! thanx for sharing and good luck.
girlfriend Lorie, --> girlfriend, Lorie,
we enter the house. The thought if there was a --> we entered the house: the thought being that if there was a
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Whew... a whole lot happening in such a short span of time... perhaps some more detail about the family... about Amanda... And where did the kids get the idea for a seance? Still, a good thought for a story with a happy ending! thanx for sharing and good luck.
girlfriend Lorie, --> girlfriend, Lorie,
we enter the house. The thought if there was a --> we entered the house: the thought being that if there was a
Comment Written 02-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Idea for seance from Bill's aunt. Thanks for the feedback and corrections.
Comment from Julie Helms
You have written a traditional ghost story that delivers a happy ending; happy for the reader, the characters, and the ghost!
I have a few suggestions:
On Halloween night, we enter the house.
(we entered)
We stopped by the master bedroom ** whispers grew louder, more insistent.
(...bedroom where whispers...)
"Yes, Bill insisted they sat in the circle,
("Yes," Bill insisted. "They sat..." I think that's what you're saying here)
She picked up her flashlight and scan the pages
(scanned)
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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You have written a traditional ghost story that delivers a happy ending; happy for the reader, the characters, and the ghost!
I have a few suggestions:
On Halloween night, we enter the house.
(we entered)
We stopped by the master bedroom ** whispers grew louder, more insistent.
(...bedroom where whispers...)
"Yes, Bill insisted they sat in the circle,
("Yes," Bill insisted. "They sat..." I think that's what you're saying here)
She picked up her flashlight and scan the pages
(scanned)
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 02-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much for the careful read and corrections. Much appreciation.