A Fishy Tale
Attic entry for the Picture This club16 total reviews
Comment from Kahlani
This poem had me laughing. It's full of action and humor and kept me entertained. The way that you set it out made it easy to read. Good luck in the contest.
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This poem had me laughing. It's full of action and humor and kept me entertained. The way that you set it out made it easy to read. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from E Lloyd Kelly
This is a great tale to follow, and a poem I could swallow. Crisp and punchy, but there were a few times when I wasn't sure if the author was included in the bunch, or just a distant observer. E.g. They sailed into a gale
Before it ended, six lost their tale
We wrote letters about their lives
But had no way to send it to their wives
While we slept and we snored
All our food was swept overboard. Or.
"Doing nothing but waiting, it makes you lazy
As we wondered who'd be the next to go crazy."
In this case, for example. Doing nothing but waiting, it makes "ONE" lazy, might work better for me.
Over-all though, this is a keeper for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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This is a great tale to follow, and a poem I could swallow. Crisp and punchy, but there were a few times when I wasn't sure if the author was included in the bunch, or just a distant observer. E.g. They sailed into a gale
Before it ended, six lost their tale
We wrote letters about their lives
But had no way to send it to their wives
While we slept and we snored
All our food was swept overboard. Or.
"Doing nothing but waiting, it makes you lazy
As we wondered who'd be the next to go crazy."
In this case, for example. Doing nothing but waiting, it makes "ONE" lazy, might work better for me.
Over-all though, this is a keeper for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from mermaids
This is great! You tell an unusual fish story here. Your poem reminded me a little of the book "In the Heart of the Sea" where the men had to consume those who passed on. Your two line verses are effective in telling a story and you have a smooth flow of rhyming words. This is a unique story about a fish in the attic.
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This is great! You tell an unusual fish story here. Your poem reminded me a little of the book "In the Heart of the Sea" where the men had to consume those who passed on. Your two line verses are effective in telling a story and you have a smooth flow of rhyming words. This is a unique story about a fish in the attic.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from royowen
An excellently written and funny story, a lot like those sea shanties that people write sometimes. I don't know why people tell fibs like they do about things that 'tall tales' this is a beauty Jim, I once bought fish and forgot them, the car developed a horrible smell until I remembered, well done, blessings Roy
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An excellently written and funny story, a lot like those sea shanties that people write sometimes. I don't know why people tell fibs like they do about things that 'tall tales' this is a beauty Jim, I once bought fish and forgot them, the car developed a horrible smell until I remembered, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from Michele Harber
Oh my goodness, Jim, this should have been entered in the "Share a Story in a Poem" contest. No one tells a tale (in this case, a fishtail) better than you do, and it's nice to see you do in poetry what you usually do in prose. This tale is simultaneously funny and sad, and consistently interesting. I enjoyed reading it, and am amazed that you were able to get such a multi-tiered story out of a simple "The Attic - what secrets are hidden here" prompt. Excellent job!
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Oh my goodness, Jim, this should have been entered in the "Share a Story in a Poem" contest. No one tells a tale (in this case, a fishtail) better than you do, and it's nice to see you do in poetry what you usually do in prose. This tale is simultaneously funny and sad, and consistently interesting. I enjoyed reading it, and am amazed that you were able to get such a multi-tiered story out of a simple "The Attic - what secrets are hidden here" prompt. Excellent job!
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from jake cosmos aller
nicely done tale about fishermen lost at sea. So many sailors and fishermen had lost their lives at sea over the years, you captured the horror and the feeling of being lost at sea in this poem
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nicely done tale about fishermen lost at sea. So many sailors and fishermen had lost their lives at sea over the years, you captured the horror and the feeling of being lost at sea in this poem
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from DonandVicki
A rhyming fish/ tale, well composed and a delight to read. I like the image and the media that you used to enhance the words and visuals that I saw reading you fun poem.
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A rhyming fish/ tale, well composed and a delight to read. I like the image and the media that you used to enhance the words and visuals that I saw reading you fun poem.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jim
This is a well told story of seamen who had a bad few days. Ha Ha. It is witty and its rhyming couplets make the story go as quickly as their lives.
I would think that haddock would smell up the whole house, not just the attic.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good entry for the club.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend
Joan
P S If I haven't told you yet I have just published a book titled 'The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry' by Joan Pechter. It is available on Amazon.com. If I told you, I am sorry for the repetition.
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Hi Jim
This is a well told story of seamen who had a bad few days. Ha Ha. It is witty and its rhyming couplets make the story go as quickly as their lives.
I would think that haddock would smell up the whole house, not just the attic.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Good entry for the club.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend
Joan
P S If I haven't told you yet I have just published a book titled 'The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry' by Joan Pechter. It is available on Amazon.com. If I told you, I am sorry for the repetition.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from BethShelby
This is a fishy tale. I think a rotten fish in the attic wouldn't be a very healthy memento and I'm not usre a stuffed tomato would be enough after being without food so long. You pome rhymes and was fun to read.
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This is a fishy tale. I think a rotten fish in the attic wouldn't be a very healthy memento and I'm not usre a stuffed tomato would be enough after being without food so long. You pome rhymes and was fun to read.
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Comment Written 05-Oct-2024
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
LOL That was the Ballad of the Haddock! I think we should put it to music! We can use an old sea shanty as the melody. I will get right on it! Great tale done in poem form.
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LOL That was the Ballad of the Haddock! I think we should put it to music! We can use an old sea shanty as the melody. I will get right on it! Great tale done in poem form.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2024