Voices
When you can't determine what's real and what's not25 total reviews
Comment from jessizero
This was such a sad and intense story. It was like a whirlwind in prose. You told this very well. Thank you for sharing this story, and best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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This was such a sad and intense story. It was like a whirlwind in prose. You told this very well. Thank you for sharing this story, and best wishes to you.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much, Jessi
I'm not sure if I have a witch acting as my muse lately and she's brewing up a storm or what's happening. Thank you for the review and kindness.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Carol,
This was definitely a great entry for your writing club. It was terrifying! Mental illness is a terrible thing, and is often intensified or brought on by trauma or loss. You did a great job of highlighting that schizophrenic experience and the subsequent suicide of your character. Well written and deep.
Hugs,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Hi Carol,
This was definitely a great entry for your writing club. It was terrifying! Mental illness is a terrible thing, and is often intensified or brought on by trauma or loss. You did a great job of highlighting that schizophrenic experience and the subsequent suicide of your character. Well written and deep.
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Sometimes I wonder where these things come from...I think I have a muse, working part time as a witch, and she's brewing up a s torm in my head. LOL Thank you so much for the awesome review and the stars.
Smiles, Carol
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Hehehe...
Comment from Douglas Goff
Oh my, my, my. We got us a little horror going on! Not your regular genre, but equally as interesting.
You created a very confusing, if not daunting environment. Well done!
Douglas
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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Oh my, my, my. We got us a little horror going on! Not your regular genre, but equally as interesting.
You created a very confusing, if not daunting environment. Well done!
Douglas
Comment Written 29-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2024
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I think my muse is a witch working overtime in my head and brewing up these things. Thanks so much, Doug.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Teri7
Carol, This is a very well written fiction story you have penned for the Character event. You used great and emotional words in this. It made me feel sorry for you. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, teri
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Carol, This is a very well written fiction story you have penned for the Character event. You used great and emotional words in this. It made me feel sorry for you. Best wishes in the contest. love and blessings, teri
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much Teri...
This wasn't my style of writing but I climbed out of the box and gaveit a shot. I think I prefer my ghosts and mystery. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Who are you, where is sweet Eleanor and where have they taken Carol?
(smile)
This story is chilling, intriguing, kept me off balance and spiraling throughout.
Madness in the air, but from where? From who?
This is so unlike anything I've ever read from you and I'm just going to concede I could NEVER say it as well as Patrick...
I WILL say I've yet to see a challenge you can't live up to and triumph!
(I'm sleeping with my light on tonight)
Karenina
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Who are you, where is sweet Eleanor and where have they taken Carol?
(smile)
This story is chilling, intriguing, kept me off balance and spiraling throughout.
Madness in the air, but from where? From who?
This is so unlike anything I've ever read from you and I'm just going to concede I could NEVER say it as well as Patrick...
I WILL say I've yet to see a challenge you can't live up to and triumph!
(I'm sleeping with my light on tonight)
Karenina
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Me too! I know I wrote it but I don't think I want to write mor like it...This horror stuff just isn't me.... a little thrill now and then, but not the crazy, psycho stuff. Thanks for reviewing...I'm currently digging in the closests to see if I can find the real Carol anywhere.
Smiles, Carol
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Hah hah.
It is fun to walk on the wild side...
Just leave crumbs so you can find your way back!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Well, that's quite a way to commit suicide! I actually thought Jackson had strangled Rachel, and was now going to strangle himself in a twisted retribution and attempt to make things right.
You're a very good writer, Carol. I've read several of the character studies for Patrick's and Marilyn's club, and it seems that a few of you have found an outlet for your writing. That's great!
I'm posting an interview with Patrick tonight. Hope you will read and let me know what you think.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Well, that's quite a way to commit suicide! I actually thought Jackson had strangled Rachel, and was now going to strangle himself in a twisted retribution and attempt to make things right.
You're a very good writer, Carol. I've read several of the character studies for Patrick's and Marilyn's club, and it seems that a few of you have found an outlet for your writing. That's great!
I'm posting an interview with Patrick tonight. Hope you will read and let me know what you think.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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I don't think it will be my sort of writing club, but it was fun to jump in now and then. I'm not into the weird stuff too much. Thanks so much for the review and yes I will certainly read your interview.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from estory
As a horror, dark romance kind of story, this was pretty good. I liked the surreal quality of the scene setting, very abstract and uncertain, vague in it's description. We don't really know where we are, what's happening, who is coming for who. We don't know if we are hearing real voices or voices in our head. There is a confusing jumble of kalaidascope imagery that keeps us off balance as readers, not knowing what to expect next. I think the knife plunged in the chest at the end as a suicide comes as a bit of a surprise, and the explanation of how the lover was killed in the drunk driving accident makes it plausible. Overall, a great horror piece. estory
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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As a horror, dark romance kind of story, this was pretty good. I liked the surreal quality of the scene setting, very abstract and uncertain, vague in it's description. We don't really know where we are, what's happening, who is coming for who. We don't know if we are hearing real voices or voices in our head. There is a confusing jumble of kalaidascope imagery that keeps us off balance as readers, not knowing what to expect next. I think the knife plunged in the chest at the end as a suicide comes as a bit of a surprise, and the explanation of how the lover was killed in the drunk driving accident makes it plausible. Overall, a great horror piece. estory
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much. I'm totally out of my wheel-house with a story like this but I am thrilled that you enjoyed it. I don't think I would write like this often but sometimes its necessary to climb out of the box. I so appreciate your time, your comments and the stars.
Smiles, Carol
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you did a great job with it. Sometimes its fun to write ghost stories or gothic horror. estory
Comment from Thesis
I enjoyed the way you wrote this story. The voice's certainly contributed to the mystery in the beginning, then transitioned to the character's objective to join Rachael since he couldn't go on without her.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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I enjoyed the way you wrote this story. The voice's certainly contributed to the mystery in the beginning, then transitioned to the character's objective to join Rachael since he couldn't go on without her.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Hello! Thank you for stopping by to read my short post. It's not my normal genre but I guess you have to pop out of the box now and then...either that or a new muse moved in that I am not aware of. I appreciate your time and the review.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Jacob1395
That was a really intense scene, Carol and quite scary as well. I could feel the fear in the character as I was reading. I was really intrigued about the voices in her head, and this gave the piece a really sinister edge. I really enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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That was a really intense scene, Carol and quite scary as well. I could feel the fear in the character as I was reading. I was really intrigued about the voices in her head, and this gave the piece a really sinister edge. I really enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2024
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Yes..I think it would be horrible to have voices talking to you all the time...I imagine dementia and forgetting to be the worst, but now I think this would even be scarier.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hi Carol!
Thank you for submitting to the club prompt this week! Wow, poor Jackson is distraught. Wanting to join a loved one -- usually a romantic loved one -- in death is a common them in all literature. I wrote a epyllion (short epic poem) about a Greek woman who tried to kill herself to join her beloved in Hades. The pulse of madness that overcomes Jackson in this sketch is tense and relentless. You do a great job of building the suspense until the end. I did think at one point that he had strangled Rachel himself; that part may be a bit unclear if you want to take a look at it. I just reread it: Jackson was imagining choking Rachel but was choking himself. Was it your intention to relate that? Why would Jackson want to choke Rachel, even in his delirious imagination? Just something to think about.
Now, to the good stuff!
---"He'd tipped his head toward the moon and howled as if daring Grandpa to pull the trigger." --I LOVE masterful phrases and descriptions. They scream out at me when I read them, and I pull them out to highlight. This one did for me. The wolf "tipp[ing] his head toward the moon" is beautiful. I have never heard it described that way!
---"choir of shadows laughing in the distance." --Beautiful! I really like this one!
---"From the blade, my reflection stared back at me, distorted and unreal." --It's descriptions like this that show me how talented and advanced your writing is. It concise but dense with meaning. I can see this so clearly! I can see Jackson's face in the reflection of the blade like one of those wacky funhouse mirrors!
One thing, and you can blame Julie Helms for this. She has taught me about the subjunctive mood of our phrases, and I should have know this considering I have a degree in English Language Arts. Anyway, when she pointed these out to me numerous times in my writing, I looked it up and learned, and now I recognize it in the writing of others.
"The subjunctive isn't a tense. It's a mood. It's that not-quite-concrete wording you use when you're discussing things you want to happen, hope will happen, or anticipate will happen."
So, in "I see her funeral and her sweet face in the casket as if she [was] asleep," the subjunctive mood is used, therefore "was" should be "were."
Awesome job, Carol! I am puzzling over what to prompt for next week with "Plot," the last of the main trifecta of fiction writing. That should be out after midnight on Sunday. Talk to you soon!
Patrick
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Hi Carol!
Thank you for submitting to the club prompt this week! Wow, poor Jackson is distraught. Wanting to join a loved one -- usually a romantic loved one -- in death is a common them in all literature. I wrote a epyllion (short epic poem) about a Greek woman who tried to kill herself to join her beloved in Hades. The pulse of madness that overcomes Jackson in this sketch is tense and relentless. You do a great job of building the suspense until the end. I did think at one point that he had strangled Rachel himself; that part may be a bit unclear if you want to take a look at it. I just reread it: Jackson was imagining choking Rachel but was choking himself. Was it your intention to relate that? Why would Jackson want to choke Rachel, even in his delirious imagination? Just something to think about.
Now, to the good stuff!
---"He'd tipped his head toward the moon and howled as if daring Grandpa to pull the trigger." --I LOVE masterful phrases and descriptions. They scream out at me when I read them, and I pull them out to highlight. This one did for me. The wolf "tipp[ing] his head toward the moon" is beautiful. I have never heard it described that way!
---"choir of shadows laughing in the distance." --Beautiful! I really like this one!
---"From the blade, my reflection stared back at me, distorted and unreal." --It's descriptions like this that show me how talented and advanced your writing is. It concise but dense with meaning. I can see this so clearly! I can see Jackson's face in the reflection of the blade like one of those wacky funhouse mirrors!
One thing, and you can blame Julie Helms for this. She has taught me about the subjunctive mood of our phrases, and I should have know this considering I have a degree in English Language Arts. Anyway, when she pointed these out to me numerous times in my writing, I looked it up and learned, and now I recognize it in the writing of others.
"The subjunctive isn't a tense. It's a mood. It's that not-quite-concrete wording you use when you're discussing things you want to happen, hope will happen, or anticipate will happen."
So, in "I see her funeral and her sweet face in the casket as if she [was] asleep," the subjunctive mood is used, therefore "was" should be "were."
Awesome job, Carol! I am puzzling over what to prompt for next week with "Plot," the last of the main trifecta of fiction writing. That should be out after midnight on Sunday. Talk to you soon!
Patrick
Comment Written 28-Sep-2024