Poe's Daughter
A story about a young woman and her plan to become pretty.20 total reviews
Comment from write hand blue
The story starts with the reader reading about how ugly Agnes regarded herself. The talking raven is a clue to her mental health. We get a clue about what follows when she says she'd better tie up her new friend. From there the story develops and we learn that Agnes is stealing other women's features with a razorblade. Interesting and well written. Mel
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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The story starts with the reader reading about how ugly Agnes regarded herself. The talking raven is a clue to her mental health. We get a clue about what follows when she says she'd better tie up her new friend. From there the story develops and we learn that Agnes is stealing other women's features with a razorblade. Interesting and well written. Mel
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you, Mel! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review!
Comment from Nicki.B
Well what can I say that was a fabulous story, I've no sixes left though I'm afraid but it deserved one from me! Beginning of the story, the feelings of sadness for Agnes for being mistreated by everyone around her. The raven in her ear making her feeling worthless and ugly which later on we find that the raven is just a replica of how mother would have treated her.
I was so happy when Anna popped along and was so kind to her, finally a genuine friend who didn't just pity her! Oh my my, I was not expecting the next chain of events. In my head I was shouting no don't do it shes nice!
Your descriptive imagery locked me in throughout, the emotions I went through from start to finish was so mixed, think you captured all of them ha!
I could not but think of Norman Bates when 'Mother' came into the story.
Fabulous and wonderful dark entertaining story that had me gripped. Well done!
Best Wishes
Nicki
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Well what can I say that was a fabulous story, I've no sixes left though I'm afraid but it deserved one from me! Beginning of the story, the feelings of sadness for Agnes for being mistreated by everyone around her. The raven in her ear making her feeling worthless and ugly which later on we find that the raven is just a replica of how mother would have treated her.
I was so happy when Anna popped along and was so kind to her, finally a genuine friend who didn't just pity her! Oh my my, I was not expecting the next chain of events. In my head I was shouting no don't do it shes nice!
Your descriptive imagery locked me in throughout, the emotions I went through from start to finish was so mixed, think you captured all of them ha!
I could not but think of Norman Bates when 'Mother' came into the story.
Fabulous and wonderful dark entertaining story that had me gripped. Well done!
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 12-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much for this review, Nicki ! A lot of reviewers have mentioned how much sympathy they had for Agnes through half the story and how that changed at the end. And yes, you nailed the intention with the "voice" of the Raven. Her abusive mother had repeated all that stuff to her so many times in her life that there's little wonder she did what she did. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment! I shall return the favor soon!
Patrick
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You are very welcome it was an absolute pleasure to read!
Comment from Shirley Ann Bunyan
Hi Patrick. Congratulations on winning Story of the Month. It's highly deserved. This story was brilliant - horrific, but brilliant, and your writing is exceptional. I hope you make your living writing books because you're more than good enough. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Hi Patrick. Congratulations on winning Story of the Month. It's highly deserved. This story was brilliant - horrific, but brilliant, and your writing is exceptional. I hope you make your living writing books because you're more than good enough. Well done.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much, Shirley! I really appreciate your kind words. I have you down on my list for a return review soon. I am looking forward to visiting you! I work off a list, which can be a little slow, but slow and steady wins the race, right? Thank you for you 6-star as well!
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No worries, Patrick. It was my pleasure.
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Patrick
This is a fitting macabre story for the season
It shows Agnes's craziness. I can see the Poe and the Hitchcock, with the Raven and the talking to the dead mother. Nods the "The Raven" and "Psycho".
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Joan
P S I have just published a book title "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry" by Joan Pechter which is available on Amazon.com.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Hi Patrick
This is a fitting macabre story for the season
It shows Agnes's craziness. I can see the Poe and the Hitchcock, with the Raven and the talking to the dead mother. Nods the "The Raven" and "Psycho".
Congrats on winning the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Joan
P S I have just published a book title "The Interloper and other stories in prose and poetry" by Joan Pechter which is available on Amazon.com.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it! 😊
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My pleasure, Patrick.
Joan
Comment from EeanBlack
So, I had to come back and read this thing again. It is very good. It made me think of a friend from school. She was misunderstood. Thanks again. Some of the elements are ghastly but cool. I hope it gets the attention it deserves. That's a difficult thing here. Some of these writers are so good their work overshadows the others. Don't be that guy. I know, too late.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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So, I had to come back and read this thing again. It is very good. It made me think of a friend from school. She was misunderstood. Thanks again. Some of the elements are ghastly but cool. I hope it gets the attention it deserves. That's a difficult thing here. Some of these writers are so good their work overshadows the others. Don't be that guy. I know, too late.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Yeah, the blending can be problematic, lest the story get labeled as derivative. There does come a point where you can blend so many influences into a work, though, that by the blending itself, it becomes original. I THINK that is logical, anyway! 😂 Thanks for the review! I appreciate your comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks also for the awesome rating!
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You're a very good writer.
Comment from SimianSavant
Difficult to read, and difficult to turn away from. I don't think I'll be able to purge these images from my brain, for better or worse. Sucking the life force from others is exactly what every living being does its best to do, and the beautiful ones among us just had ancestors who were better at it. They say baby girls suck the beauty from their mothers, and this is like the opposite of that, like using the stem cells of aborted babies for make-up but far more visually tangible. My psycho niece would love this story and I'm never showing it to her. She's 3 years old but thinks she's a 10. Typical American princess derangement syndrome.
Vocab well-used. Pacing, foreshadowing and imagery highly effective. A couple things on formatting: fixed column width is hard to read on narrow mobile devices like mine. On wider screens it's much less noticeable. And you might consider making your image transparent. I use the website remove.bg for this when on my phone. Any decent image editor can do it, saved as a PNG file. Finally, if you want a slight space between your image and your text, there are a couple tricks for this. Either add some transparent white space beneath your image, or add a non-breaking space inside a div tag before starting your body text. That's the only simple method I have found that works.
Regards,
🦍
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Difficult to read, and difficult to turn away from. I don't think I'll be able to purge these images from my brain, for better or worse. Sucking the life force from others is exactly what every living being does its best to do, and the beautiful ones among us just had ancestors who were better at it. They say baby girls suck the beauty from their mothers, and this is like the opposite of that, like using the stem cells of aborted babies for make-up but far more visually tangible. My psycho niece would love this story and I'm never showing it to her. She's 3 years old but thinks she's a 10. Typical American princess derangement syndrome.
Vocab well-used. Pacing, foreshadowing and imagery highly effective. A couple things on formatting: fixed column width is hard to read on narrow mobile devices like mine. On wider screens it's much less noticeable. And you might consider making your image transparent. I use the website remove.bg for this when on my phone. Any decent image editor can do it, saved as a PNG file. Finally, if you want a slight space between your image and your text, there are a couple tricks for this. Either add some transparent white space beneath your image, or add a non-breaking space inside a div tag before starting your body text. That's the only simple method I have found that works.
Regards,
🦍
Comment Written 09-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Thanks for the awesome review, Simian! I am still trying to get to the point where I am going to use your message about posting multiple images in posts. The one question I have from this one though:
Should I avoid using justifed on ALL my posts because they look like crap on mobile devices?
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No, I think the majority of older readers read it on larger screens, so it is just something to be aware of. I try to write in a way that maximizes compatibility and readability across devices (legible fonts, appropriately sized, and with word wrapping turned off on most poetry). And I do most of my writing right on my phone. I think most folks older than millennials do not do this. 🦍
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 09-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Esther Brown
I can't say I liked it. I can't watch horror and death, torture or even bear to see an animal suffer. But it was captivating, exceedingly well written and I read it to the awful ending. Crazy good. Esther
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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I can't say I liked it. I can't watch horror and death, torture or even bear to see an animal suffer. But it was captivating, exceedingly well written and I read it to the awful ending. Crazy good. Esther
Comment Written 07-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2024
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Hi Esther! Thank you for staying until the end and reviewing the story. I really appreciate you doing so. I've got you down on my list for a visit to your portfolio. I shall see you soon! And THANK you so much for the exceptional rating. 😊
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Poor Anna : (
"extraordinary in its plainness; her irises were the color of runny shit" Your word imagery is awesome ... your description of ugly is very creepy and I love it. I am a big fan of anything horror
"Agnes liked only one thing about her own reflection" Unfortunately many women, even the pretty ones, feel this way.
Agnes reminds me of the actress of The Nun. The raven reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe before I read his mention.
Wonderful horror story, well done!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2024
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Poor Anna : (
"extraordinary in its plainness; her irises were the color of runny shit" Your word imagery is awesome ... your description of ugly is very creepy and I love it. I am a big fan of anything horror
"Agnes liked only one thing about her own reflection" Unfortunately many women, even the pretty ones, feel this way.
Agnes reminds me of the actress of The Nun. The raven reminded me of Edgar Allan Poe before I read his mention.
Wonderful horror story, well done!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2024
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Hey Gypsy! Thank you from dropping by! I am so happy you liked the story. This one means a lot to me for reasons that would be way too long-winded to get into. I really appreciate also you giving me one of your limited 6-star ratings. Talk to you again soon! 😊
Comment from Wendy Jungbauer
Yikes, Patrick, this is a gruesome story indeed and very well written! I was definitely engrossed during the entire story. The narrative flow was excellent and I really liked how you used indirect characterization for Agnes to keep me on the edge of my seat, as I work through the storyline to come to a conclusion that she is definitely a psycho. The dialogue between Agnes and the Raven was very effective and helpful as a way for me to understand why she developed her mental illness that led her to be a killer!
I'm not surprised that I have read and enjoyed yet another great story from you! Your impressed sister, Wendy.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2024
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Yikes, Patrick, this is a gruesome story indeed and very well written! I was definitely engrossed during the entire story. The narrative flow was excellent and I really liked how you used indirect characterization for Agnes to keep me on the edge of my seat, as I work through the storyline to come to a conclusion that she is definitely a psycho. The dialogue between Agnes and the Raven was very effective and helpful as a way for me to understand why she developed her mental illness that led her to be a killer!
I'm not surprised that I have read and enjoyed yet another great story from you! Your impressed sister, Wendy.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2024
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Thank you for all your awesome words, sis!