Black
In the style of Silvia Plath19 total reviews
Comment from Patrick Bernardy
Hello Jessica!
Okay, here I am. I've been waiting until today to give you the proper credit you deserve for this exquisite poem. Everybody here writes poems. Very few reach the heights of "Black." I am new to FanStory, but this is the best poem I have read so far, bar none.
I know quite a bit about Sylvia Plath and her genius, tragic life. Her expressions flow like warm, smooth honey, yet taste like bitter ashes. It is stream of consciousness, with figurative language that can smack you upside the head with its truth.
First, you did an excellent job of mimicking her style (which is okay, because I've read she did the same thing to the poets she admired).
Random Thoughts:
---I'll start with your mastery of assonance, which to me, has always made free verse poetry the most fun to wite. In free verse, we lose a rhyme scheme, but that doesn't mean we can't imply rhyme internally or with assonance. Looking at your lines, assonance is apparent almost everywhere. This convention is what separates GOOD free verse poets from poor ones. Let me just use the first stanza as an example: "black-black-black-black-map-backwards-pass-back-map." I can see how much you appreciate how this repetition of the short "-a" sound unites this stanza.
---Another noteworthy convention you use is word (and phrase) repetition. This convention not only creates instant assonance, but it does two other things that are important. First, is emphasizes the words used, and second, it aids the cadence of your rhythm. The use of this cannot be overstated, especially in this poem. My favorite was "unseen,/and unseen, and/unseen."
---I have to comment directly on the 5th stanza. This stanza is so beautiful that I had to pause and reread it several times to marvel at its construction and meaning. A lot of poets really have no idea how to use line-breaks in their free verse. If you agree that it is okay, I might use this stanza as an example in my future reviews of how these choices can impact a reader's experience. Please let me know if you would rather I did not. I would, of course, always credit you in the review if I used it. As I'm rereading this stanza for this discussion, it just keeps getting better and better. I just can't get over how perfect this stanza is! The last half of the stanza is TEXTBOOK on how to use sibilant alliteration: "how they snap and they split/up the seam of my spine when/unseen, and unseen, and/unseen."
---As for the meaning of the poem, I sense a reflective tone. On the macro level, it is easy to get the overall theme because of the number of times you used the word "back" and "behind." Generally, I sense the narrator's harmful past and the need to go forward, to not "hover like smoke in a ditch." But I am going to be honest. This poem is so dense with meaning and subtle connotations that it will take many readings to fully grasp the depth of your words. This is also a sign of its quality.
Okay, so I am going to pop open "Black" and reread it from time to time, if for no other reason, then because its rhythm is hypnotic and the assonance tickles the part of one's mind that appreciates the sound of words used together in a patterned expression.
Validation as a poet or author is so important. It's the reason why I am here, probably why all of us are here. What I want you to take from this review more than anything else is another human being validating your artistry, skill, passion, and intellect.
It was my pleasure,
Patrick
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Hello Jessica!
Okay, here I am. I've been waiting until today to give you the proper credit you deserve for this exquisite poem. Everybody here writes poems. Very few reach the heights of "Black." I am new to FanStory, but this is the best poem I have read so far, bar none.
I know quite a bit about Sylvia Plath and her genius, tragic life. Her expressions flow like warm, smooth honey, yet taste like bitter ashes. It is stream of consciousness, with figurative language that can smack you upside the head with its truth.
First, you did an excellent job of mimicking her style (which is okay, because I've read she did the same thing to the poets she admired).
Random Thoughts:
---I'll start with your mastery of assonance, which to me, has always made free verse poetry the most fun to wite. In free verse, we lose a rhyme scheme, but that doesn't mean we can't imply rhyme internally or with assonance. Looking at your lines, assonance is apparent almost everywhere. This convention is what separates GOOD free verse poets from poor ones. Let me just use the first stanza as an example: "black-black-black-black-map-backwards-pass-back-map." I can see how much you appreciate how this repetition of the short "-a" sound unites this stanza.
---Another noteworthy convention you use is word (and phrase) repetition. This convention not only creates instant assonance, but it does two other things that are important. First, is emphasizes the words used, and second, it aids the cadence of your rhythm. The use of this cannot be overstated, especially in this poem. My favorite was "unseen,/and unseen, and/unseen."
---I have to comment directly on the 5th stanza. This stanza is so beautiful that I had to pause and reread it several times to marvel at its construction and meaning. A lot of poets really have no idea how to use line-breaks in their free verse. If you agree that it is okay, I might use this stanza as an example in my future reviews of how these choices can impact a reader's experience. Please let me know if you would rather I did not. I would, of course, always credit you in the review if I used it. As I'm rereading this stanza for this discussion, it just keeps getting better and better. I just can't get over how perfect this stanza is! The last half of the stanza is TEXTBOOK on how to use sibilant alliteration: "how they snap and they split/up the seam of my spine when/unseen, and unseen, and/unseen."
---As for the meaning of the poem, I sense a reflective tone. On the macro level, it is easy to get the overall theme because of the number of times you used the word "back" and "behind." Generally, I sense the narrator's harmful past and the need to go forward, to not "hover like smoke in a ditch." But I am going to be honest. This poem is so dense with meaning and subtle connotations that it will take many readings to fully grasp the depth of your words. This is also a sign of its quality.
Okay, so I am going to pop open "Black" and reread it from time to time, if for no other reason, then because its rhythm is hypnotic and the assonance tickles the part of one's mind that appreciates the sound of words used together in a patterned expression.
Validation as a poet or author is so important. It's the reason why I am here, probably why all of us are here. What I want you to take from this review more than anything else is another human being validating your artistry, skill, passion, and intellect.
It was my pleasure,
Patrick
Comment Written 08-Sep-2024
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jessica,
This is a well done free verse that uses repetition well to enhance the emotion. It seems like someone suffering from depression or maybe having one of life's trials. It seems like someone afraid to ask for help or
that some rays of hope fail to help.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a wonderful week.
Joan
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Hi Jessica,
This is a well done free verse that uses repetition well to enhance the emotion. It seems like someone suffering from depression or maybe having one of life's trials. It seems like someone afraid to ask for help or
that some rays of hope fail to help.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Have a wonderful week.
Joan
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much, Joan!
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Don't mention it, Jessica.
Joan
Comment from LJbutterfly
Even though I'm not familiar with the work of Silvia Plath, I enjoyed reading your creative poem in her style, as I envisioned the story your poem tells. Congratulations on your well deserved win.
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Even though I'm not familiar with the work of Silvia Plath, I enjoyed reading your creative poem in her style, as I envisioned the story your poem tells. Congratulations on your well deserved win.
Comment Written 02-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Thank you so much!
Xoxo
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Huh, looks like covid did a number on you too. JK... When you said your smells and tastes were off, did you mean pepper? For black! LOL.. I am in a little strange spirits as I felt a little better today so I of course am kinda squirrelly.
What an awesome poem and I don't think I have ever read Silvia Plath, but might have to start. Very eerie but I love eerie. Great job on this and a great big congratulations on winning. Thanks Hon... love, Debi
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Huh, looks like covid did a number on you too. JK... When you said your smells and tastes were off, did you mean pepper? For black! LOL.. I am in a little strange spirits as I felt a little better today so I of course am kinda squirrelly.
What an awesome poem and I don't think I have ever read Silvia Plath, but might have to start. Very eerie but I love eerie. Great job on this and a great big congratulations on winning. Thanks Hon... love, Debi
Comment Written 01-Sep-2024
reply by the author on 03-Sep-2024
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Hahahah! You have no idea how hard this made me laugh today. It would appear that COVID really had me in a dark place. Lol
Thank you for your wonderful review of my attempt to channel Plath! Who most certainly did not have covid to contribute to her madness. Lol
Love you, let me know how you're feeling!!
Xoxo
Jess
Comment from Boogienights
Your excellent poem, really reflects the sad life of this lonely poet.l can't begin to understand her sadness, but reading her work gives me some insight. Congratulations on winning the contest.
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Your excellent poem, really reflects the sad life of this lonely poet.l can't begin to understand her sadness, but reading her work gives me some insight. Congratulations on winning the contest.
Comment Written 01-Sep-2024
Comment from Wendy G
You have done well with this meaningful poem, certainly done in her style. Her work is dark, and the choice of black for both the image and the pem was a good one, and you have also emulated her striking imagery, penetrating and powerful. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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You have done well with this meaningful poem, certainly done in her style. Her work is dark, and the choice of black for both the image and the pem was a good one, and you have also emulated her striking imagery, penetrating and powerful. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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Thanks so much, Wendy!
Comment from Harry Craft
I really enjoyed reading this poem and trying to figure out what it meant. That is the beauty of poetry. Only the poet knows the true meaning and I believe it is meant to be that way. I really like the photo too!
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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I really enjoyed reading this poem and trying to figure out what it meant. That is the beauty of poetry. Only the poet knows the true meaning and I believe it is meant to be that way. I really like the photo too!
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Harry!
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You are so welcome Jessica!
Comment from GWHARGIS
This could be read as a metaphorical darkness. The soul and mental state so black. But reading on the surface it was kind of mysterious and supernatural. Was this a person or a spirit. I haven't read much poetry of Plath but this was very impressive. Gretchen
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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This could be read as a metaphorical darkness. The soul and mental state so black. But reading on the surface it was kind of mysterious and supernatural. Was this a person or a spirit. I haven't read much poetry of Plath but this was very impressive. Gretchen
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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Gretchen, I love your interpretation of this. I wanted to convey the chaos of a troubled mind descending into a dark depression, leading to overwhelming confusion. The black represents the obscured reality resulting from psychological turmoil. There is a loss of self and direction- making your question of whether this represented a person or a spirit very relevant. I really appreciate your thoughts!
Xo
Jess
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is hauntingly beautiful and poignant! The narrator is on a road which could well represent death or depression. Immersed in blackness, there are thoughts of turning back but the magnetic pull is strong and the journey is relentless. Hopefully, I haven't gone too far astray but, if I have, I'm still hypnotised by the power and enchantment of this skilfully crafted free verse, a tribute to Sylvia. Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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This is hauntingly beautiful and poignant! The narrator is on a road which could well represent death or depression. Immersed in blackness, there are thoughts of turning back but the magnetic pull is strong and the journey is relentless. Hopefully, I haven't gone too far astray but, if I have, I'm still hypnotised by the power and enchantment of this skilfully crafted free verse, a tribute to Sylvia. Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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Your interpretation is on the money, as always, Debbie! Thank you so much for your thoughts, they truly mean a lot to me!
Xo
Jess
Comment from jake cosmos aller
a powerful moving poem about experiencing the dark mood of chronic depression, written in the style of Sylvia Plath i like the repetition of the lines and words
unseen, and unseen, and
unseen.
black,
black,
black as the pits of my eyes-
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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a powerful moving poem about experiencing the dark mood of chronic depression, written in the style of Sylvia Plath i like the repetition of the lines and words
unseen, and unseen, and
unseen.
black,
black,
black as the pits of my eyes-
Comment Written 31-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 01-Sep-2024
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Thank you, Jake!