The Private Staircase
Climb4 total reviews
Comment from T B Botts
Hello CG,
I wish I had seen this poem sooner, I would have certainly voted for it. I haven't checked out the contests very much lately. Its summer in Alaska and lots to do.
I liked the reference to throwing down the key. I can envision such a stair case. Well done gal. Of course this is after the voting, sorry, but its still a well written piece.
Blessings,
Tom
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
  |
Hello CG,
I wish I had seen this poem sooner, I would have certainly voted for it. I haven't checked out the contests very much lately. Its summer in Alaska and lots to do.
I liked the reference to throwing down the key. I can envision such a stair case. Well done gal. Of course this is after the voting, sorry, but its still a well written piece.
Blessings,
Tom
Comment Written 21-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2024
-
I appreciate the review and I'm glad you got a chance to read it. No worries about the contest
Thank you Tom
Enjoy your summer in Alaska
That sounds wonderful
Judith
Comment from Aiona
What a cute poem! I love poems that rhyme, and have song-like meter. This one fits the bill. It also makes me giggle. I saw one possible typo in the penultimate line.
"That's the ones who will not climb"
"That" is singular, but "ones" is plural.
To make those match, it would have to be either
"That's the one who will not climb" - both singular
or
"They're the ones who will not climb" -- both plural.
Since the line just before this one has a singular noun "visitor,"
I'm guessing that the first example with both singular was what you meant to write.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
|
What a cute poem! I love poems that rhyme, and have song-like meter. This one fits the bill. It also makes me giggle. I saw one possible typo in the penultimate line.
"That's the ones who will not climb"
"That" is singular, but "ones" is plural.
To make those match, it would have to be either
"That's the one who will not climb" - both singular
or
"They're the ones who will not climb" -- both plural.
Since the line just before this one has a singular noun "visitor,"
I'm guessing that the first example with both singular was what you meant to write.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2024
-
Thank you so much for catching that spelling error
I corrected it.
Thank you for reviewing
Comment from Pamusart
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Not everybody who won't climb stairs is lazy. Some disabled like me I'm in a wheelchair. I can't climb the steps. There was a time when I would climb 300 steps a day while I was at work. I'd just take a two minute break. Spent two minutes climbing 18 flights that was my lunch hour because that would take 40 minutes total
But now I can't. There are people with emphysema lung cancer, other cancers, and they're not lazy. They could be lazy, but it's just that they can't do it anyway even if they wanted to.
I remember carrying an 18 pound cat and a 15 pound cat up two flights of steps one on each arm. It was good exercise
So this is a nice poem, and when you said, throw the key at first, I thought you were going to throw the person down the steps so I had to laugh when I saw the word key and realized that what I thought it meant it didn't mean
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
|
Hi
This looks like a good entry for the contest. Good luck with that!!
Not everybody who won't climb stairs is lazy. Some disabled like me I'm in a wheelchair. I can't climb the steps. There was a time when I would climb 300 steps a day while I was at work. I'd just take a two minute break. Spent two minutes climbing 18 flights that was my lunch hour because that would take 40 minutes total
But now I can't. There are people with emphysema lung cancer, other cancers, and they're not lazy. They could be lazy, but it's just that they can't do it anyway even if they wanted to.
I remember carrying an 18 pound cat and a 15 pound cat up two flights of steps one on each arm. It was good exercise
So this is a nice poem, and when you said, throw the key at first, I thought you were going to throw the person down the steps so I had to laugh when I saw the word key and realized that what I thought it meant it didn't mean
I enjoyed reading your poem
Good job. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2024
-
I might need to change that word "lazy".
You are right, some people are disabled
Let me find a better word
Thanks
-
Pam,
I revised the poem to use a different word than "lazy"
Tell me what you think
-
Looks good
Comment from zanya
This poem effectively creates a sense of mystique and intrigue as to where the stairs actually leads and what a visitor may experience there - an interesting observation in final line
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
|
This poem effectively creates a sense of mystique and intrigue as to where the stairs actually leads and what a visitor may experience there - an interesting observation in final line
Comment Written 18-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2024
-
You write such a perceptive review! Thank you