Comment from Tucker Hood

Excellent

Very solid poem here, I think you're just two steps away from perfection (in my opinion). The first is that the general feel of the poem is clunky. Lines don't flow how they should and the words don't feel like they work together. I also think that the rhyme scheme (while great) could use some fine tuning as right now it feels like the poem is being forced to rhyme. With all that said, I quite enjoyed this poem and the centerpiece you are getting at, I just think that the focus needs to be dialed in a bit for it to really shine.
Cheers!

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024

I will try to address a couple of beats in the flow tomorrow. I always write in rhyme, but sometimes my meter does not matter so much. I learned from Dr. Seuss and Beowulf. Thanks for stopping by.

Comment from SimianSavant

Excellent

Is that a pic of you? What a great shot. Not just the car, but you too. Are you permitted to stack up your bourbon allowances and save them for the weekend? That's what I would do.

This unmetered poem is direct and sentimental at the same time -- an unusual combination here, I think. It would pop more if it was metered, but it doesn't have to, and I enjoyed it.

🦍

 Comment Written 11-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024

Thanks for stopping by. That is me. That is my car. That is the dead-end road we live on. There is a pool in the backyard, but the picture of me in a bathing suit is not nearly so interesting. I admit, my meter is flexible, by my rhyme is non-negotiable - I always rhyme. When much younger, I hung out at singles bars to meter, but I was not very good at it. Anyway, thanks for stopping by. The car? I think an elderly gentleman looks good in a car like that. Bought it during my final 2 years of work long ago. Sometimes, on a beautiful day, I would put the top down in the morning and say to my wife, "I might not go to work today. I'm just going to drive around and pick up chicks." Her stock answer was, "that means you'll be home early, right?" 47 years...

reply by SimianSavant on 11-Aug-2024

Haha thank you for providing that extra imagery. My family employs a number of machinists who do exactly what you described -- acquire their dream car shortly before retiring. Yes, it's a good look at your age and that is most definitely the best time to buy that car, not in one's 20s, when it causes financial ruin, though perhaps improves the chances of sewing wild oats in questionable but rather enticing looking fields. In New Hampshire though, those fields are full of rocks. Looks like the land out your way is not. 🦍

reply by the author on 11-Aug-2024

New Hampshire! Love the place. This Texan met my wife in NYC. She is from Mass (I married a yankee. I had been drinking...) We dated off and on for two years, but I took a new job in Texas and we missed each other. But, New England has been our destination for almost all of our 47 years. We were scheduled and reserved for Maine down thru NH and Vermont in October - Love Mt Washington - but a daughter had to divorce her worthless husband and we had to be home to help her get set up. God gave us 3 daughters. I always told them, "Your mother married the last great guy!" There was laughter. She would yell, "But I'm still looking!" Now, 3 divorced daughters. I was right! Anyway, will wave as we pass next year. God Bless.

reply by SimianSavant on 11-Aug-2024

I'm about to take a long drive to New Hampshire (out in Cincinnati right now, a mile down the street from where they shot Harambe). No girls in my family and my folks just hit 43. (Years, not kids).

NYC is about as good a place to meet women as there is. Also easy to lose them there. Wise move taking your woman back to Texas.