The Spice Of?
Femme Fatale2 total reviews
Comment from LeeAnn Kay
A super fun read! I love how you basically wrote a short story in poem format, that was really fun to experience. Your literal use of the key words was also very fun!
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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A super fun read! I love how you basically wrote a short story in poem format, that was really fun to experience. Your literal use of the key words was also very fun!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Nice review. Disappointing rating. Thanks.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
Your poem effectively integrates the given words into a narrative with a clear storyline and a touch of humor. It captures a moment of unexpected tragedy with a blend of light-hearted and serious elements.
Just a thought
To enhance the buildup to the climax, consider adding a more vivid description of Joy's reaction:
Original:
"Joy's face turned purple, she struggled for breath.
She fell to the floor in a desperate state."
Revised:
"Joy's face flushed a deep, alarming shade,
Her breathing quickened as she struggled to cope.
She collapsed to the floor, her hopes all but betrayed,
A tragic twist in her date with fate, a cruel joke."
Either way, I love it!
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Your poem effectively integrates the given words into a narrative with a clear storyline and a touch of humor. It captures a moment of unexpected tragedy with a blend of light-hearted and serious elements.
Just a thought
To enhance the buildup to the climax, consider adding a more vivid description of Joy's reaction:
Original:
"Joy's face turned purple, she struggled for breath.
She fell to the floor in a desperate state."
Revised:
"Joy's face flushed a deep, alarming shade,
Her breathing quickened as she struggled to cope.
She collapsed to the floor, her hopes all but betrayed,
A tragic twist in her date with fate, a cruel joke."
Either way, I love it!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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So kind, Patty. Many thanks.
