The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 49 "The Unwilling Heir - The End"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
14 total reviews
Comment from LJbutterfly
Congratulations on the completion of a four month project. You did a tremendous amount of writing during that period. When I read books, I keep tract of the date and chapters I read.
This entire book was so well written that I shed tears when the ghosts faded into the light as Benny toasted to redemption and to the best friends he ever had. For me, this was quite an emotional moment.
I feel you jacket cover blurb reveals far too much. The entire story seems to be provided in a synopsis, leaving not enough mystery.
My suggestions
In the first paragraph, the first sentence is great. The second sentence should be chopped off as follows. "Little does she know, the grand estate is not just a home but a purgatory. As Sandra delves deeper into the mansion's secrets, she finds herself amid a supernatural battle between good and evil spirits. The stakes rise when modern-day mobsters lay siege to the mansion. As law enforcement and Sandra rally to protect treasure hidden within the mansion, a gripping confrontation unfolds.
As you can see, my version leaves out all the characters and details of the story and just leaves the mystery. The final sentence should read:
"The Unwilling Heir" is a spellbinding journey into a world where the past and present collide with good and evil.
I wouldn't give the ending away by saying good triumphs. Let the reader find out by reading the book. BTW, the title is perfect.
All of the above is in my humble opinion.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Congratulations on the completion of a four month project. You did a tremendous amount of writing during that period. When I read books, I keep tract of the date and chapters I read.
This entire book was so well written that I shed tears when the ghosts faded into the light as Benny toasted to redemption and to the best friends he ever had. For me, this was quite an emotional moment.
I feel you jacket cover blurb reveals far too much. The entire story seems to be provided in a synopsis, leaving not enough mystery.
My suggestions
In the first paragraph, the first sentence is great. The second sentence should be chopped off as follows. "Little does she know, the grand estate is not just a home but a purgatory. As Sandra delves deeper into the mansion's secrets, she finds herself amid a supernatural battle between good and evil spirits. The stakes rise when modern-day mobsters lay siege to the mansion. As law enforcement and Sandra rally to protect treasure hidden within the mansion, a gripping confrontation unfolds.
As you can see, my version leaves out all the characters and details of the story and just leaves the mystery. The final sentence should read:
"The Unwilling Heir" is a spellbinding journey into a world where the past and present collide with good and evil.
I wouldn't give the ending away by saying good triumphs. Let the reader find out by reading the book. BTW, the title is perfect.
All of the above is in my humble opinion.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2024
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Hi, Lorraine! I'm so glad I wasn't crying alone. My eyes couldn't see the computer half the time during the last chapters... guess I got attached to my characters.
I appreciate your revision...it's a good one! I copied it and will work it in when and if I ever get to that point.
Thanks for the awesome review, the support and the stars for this story. I truly enjoyed writing it an sharing it with those who found it compelling as I did.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ulla
Hi Carol, this is a great ending to the story and a very satisfying as well. I can understand why you're proud and happy about this book.
The blurb is fine just a touch too long. Take out paragraphs 3 and 4 would be my suggestion. I actually.love the Title. Now this is only my opinion. Hugs, Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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Hi Carol, this is a great ending to the story and a very satisfying as well. I can understand why you're proud and happy about this book.
The blurb is fine just a touch too long. Take out paragraphs 3 and 4 would be my suggestion. I actually.love the Title. Now this is only my opinion. Hugs, Ulla xcx
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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I think I like the title as well. I worked on the blurb and cut it down to 200 words. My problem is I don't know where to begin or how much it will cost. Money is tight, and I can't blow a lot of publishing regardless of whether I want to. Thanks for finishing my story and liking it. Smiles and hugs, Carol
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I think it's the problem we all encounter. You can self publish on Amazon for next to nothing, but the problem with that is that it won't sell much, unless you know how to promote your book. xcx
Comment from Wendy G
A very satisfying conclusion to your story, with a memorable moving into the light. Well done. It's a very imaginative story.
Simply "Journey to Redemption"? Some may be turned off if you mention ghosts or the spiritual world in the title. (I am normally not into the paranormal, although your story drew me in.)
Wendy
Wendy.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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A very satisfying conclusion to your story, with a memorable moving into the light. Well done. It's a very imaginative story.
Simply "Journey to Redemption"? Some may be turned off if you mention ghosts or the spiritual world in the title. (I am normally not into the paranormal, although your story drew me in.)
Wendy
Wendy.
Comment Written 08-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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I think my imagination hit a new gear with this story. I never thought I could pull it off, but I am pleased with how it unfolded. I thank you for continuing to follow my efforts and to enjoy. I'm not normally a paranormal person either. :P:
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I think you story ends very well, and all the questions are answered. I rather like the Unwilling Heir as it asks the question: Why would anyone be unwilling to inherit a mansion? Your blurb needs to be about 1/3 shorter. If you are self-publishing, I wish you lots of luck. If you are trying to sell the story to a publisher, I wish you tons of luck. This is harder but they pay you. There are quite a few publishers of stories like yours. You can find info on them at Writer's Market, which I think is on-line. You might also subscribe (it's free) to FundsforWriters.com. That has lots of info. I know nothing about Amazon/Kindle publishing. Sorry.
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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I think you story ends very well, and all the questions are answered. I rather like the Unwilling Heir as it asks the question: Why would anyone be unwilling to inherit a mansion? Your blurb needs to be about 1/3 shorter. If you are self-publishing, I wish you lots of luck. If you are trying to sell the story to a publisher, I wish you tons of luck. This is harder but they pay you. There are quite a few publishers of stories like yours. You can find info on them at Writer's Market, which I think is on-line. You might also subscribe (it's free) to FundsforWriters.com. That has lots of info. I know nothing about Amazon/Kindle publishing. Sorry.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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I sent you a message because I lost the long and drawn out response I'd written here. But I do not want to fail to thank you for all your kindness and loyalty in following this story, supporting me, and giving me such great suggestions to move forward. Thank you...
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Julie Helms
I'm so sorry I've had to miss a few chapters, but I wasn't going to miss the ending! Bravo! Very well done!
Of course, I have suggestions. lol. :-)
I'm not sure if you did it intentionally (and if so, why) but the following two sentences are in present tense, when everything else is in past:
The almost transparent ghosts turn to face their friends one last time.
As the ghosts ascend higher, they gradually fade from sight
Your blurb:
I think it is very well written, but I think you may give away too much in it. It took me a lot of chapters to learn some of what you just laid out there! But that's up to you to know what you want the reader to know ahead of time.
Title:
I like Echoes of Redemption since redemption is the main point of the story.
Beautifully done, Carol! So proud of you!!
:-)
Julie
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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I'm so sorry I've had to miss a few chapters, but I wasn't going to miss the ending! Bravo! Very well done!
Of course, I have suggestions. lol. :-)
I'm not sure if you did it intentionally (and if so, why) but the following two sentences are in present tense, when everything else is in past:
The almost transparent ghosts turn to face their friends one last time.
As the ghosts ascend higher, they gradually fade from sight
Your blurb:
I think it is very well written, but I think you may give away too much in it. It took me a lot of chapters to learn some of what you just laid out there! But that's up to you to know what you want the reader to know ahead of time.
Title:
I like Echoes of Redemption since redemption is the main point of the story.
Beautifully done, Carol! So proud of you!!
:-)
Julie
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2024
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Let's try this again! Since I lost the first one.... I did send you a message and I hope you got that one. I've missed your smiling face and all the support and help. Thank you again for the reviews, the help, and the stars.
Smiles, Carol
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Good morning! I did get the other message and will answer you there a bit later. :-)
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Thanks...I was afraid I'd lost them all.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Congratulations on completing this book, Carol. Loved your jacket writeup! As you know, I'm not into mysteries or ghosts but there is a market for that and especially, lately, the sitcom "Ghosts" which really does occur in a B&B has been popular. So I'm cheering for your book! You may find a publisher for this. Check out Daylily's post today.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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Congratulations on completing this book, Carol. Loved your jacket writeup! As you know, I'm not into mysteries or ghosts but there is a market for that and especially, lately, the sitcom "Ghosts" which really does occur in a B&B has been popular. So I'm cheering for your book! You may find a publisher for this. Check out Daylily's post today.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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I did read Daylily and we chatted a little. I didn't think I liked ghost stories either but this one was fun. I need humor and fun not gore and then its okay. Thank you so much for being there for me. And for also the member pumps..You are awesome.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
I've always liked the word echoes, which conjures up thoughts of past's involvement in this present time, like echoes of the past, or echoes of lost dreams, and in your case ehoes of redemption is the best I think, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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I've always liked the word echoes, which conjures up thoughts of past's involvement in this present time, like echoes of the past, or echoes of lost dreams, and in your case ehoes of redemption is the best I think, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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I liked that one too... not that I don't like The Unwilling Heir but Echoes of Redemption just seems to roll off the tongue better. Thanks so much for the review and your thoughts.
Smiles, Carol
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Well done
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A very fitting end to a captivating paranormal and crime tale.
The chapters I have read have been well written, clear a precise in meaning and told in the manner of an accomplished narrator.
Good luck with your editing and publishing.
Blessings
Shirley
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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A very fitting end to a captivating paranormal and crime tale.
The chapters I have read have been well written, clear a precise in meaning and told in the manner of an accomplished narrator.
Good luck with your editing and publishing.
Blessings
Shirley
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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Wow, Shirley...You know how to make a girl feel great! Thanks again for reading the ending of my story and for the awesome review and stars. You are awesome!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Perfect. Just a perfect ending, Carol. You would have read this review sooner, but (silly as it sounds) I saw the notification and could not bear to open it and read it ~ knowing it would be the final chapter!
One sign that a book has hit all the sweet spots is when I walk away until I'm prepared to say farewell to the characters.
I have high hopes for this getting published, my friend! "Paranormal Mystery and Crime" is a genre that you can rule!
I'm going to bookcase this and consider your other title options. Your synopsis feels just right...but I will think about that as well.
I'd buy it, based on your "blurb" :)
I hope you are well-satisfied and very proud of this effort.
I'm very proud of you!
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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Perfect. Just a perfect ending, Carol. You would have read this review sooner, but (silly as it sounds) I saw the notification and could not bear to open it and read it ~ knowing it would be the final chapter!
One sign that a book has hit all the sweet spots is when I walk away until I'm prepared to say farewell to the characters.
I have high hopes for this getting published, my friend! "Paranormal Mystery and Crime" is a genre that you can rule!
I'm going to bookcase this and consider your other title options. Your synopsis feels just right...but I will think about that as well.
I'd buy it, based on your "blurb" :)
I hope you are well-satisfied and very proud of this effort.
I'm very proud of you!
Karenina
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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my dear Karenina,
I cried throughout writing the last two chapters and when I wrote the end....I've never been that attached to my characters. Thank you so much as always for caring and loving my ghosts.
Smiles amd hugs, Carol
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Big hugs!
You are a superhero!
Comment from prettybluebirds
I got used to the title The Unwilling Heir, but I like the Ghostly Legacy, too. I agree that this was the happiest writing you have ever done. It outshines your other works by far. I wish you the best of luck in getting this published. It's a story that needs to be read.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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I got used to the title The Unwilling Heir, but I like the Ghostly Legacy, too. I agree that this was the happiest writing you have ever done. It outshines your other works by far. I wish you the best of luck in getting this published. It's a story that needs to be read.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2024
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thank you so much April. I really fell in love with my characters and hated to say goodbye. It was just a fun story to write. Thank you as lawyas.
Smiles, Carol