Demetri
The story of how Demi got his blue flames7 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Congratulations on your 50th milestone post and a contest entry. I enjoyed reading. My suggestion would be to do another edit. Good luck with the contest.
royal duties she has convinced the king to send me to the battlefield. (she convinced)
Of course to incite the morale of the soldi (course,)
comes from a powerful and well established family lineage so (well-established)
haaaaah. "Yes, well, I see what you mean." ( haaaaah. ?????)
There was a brief moment of silence before the Duke continued. "I (continued,)
What honor is there in sending a sixteen year old (sixteen-year-old)
But what does wallowing in dispair accomplish? It's better to dream of success than to be consummed by tradegy that has yet to come. ( despair & consumed & tragedy)
There task was to kill as many (Their)
As we carved our way into the heart of our enemy I received wounds (enemy,)
. I fought the second soldier like a rabbid dog, (rabid)
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Congratulations on your 50th milestone post and a contest entry. I enjoyed reading. My suggestion would be to do another edit. Good luck with the contest.
royal duties she has convinced the king to send me to the battlefield. (she convinced)
Of course to incite the morale of the soldi (course,)
comes from a powerful and well established family lineage so (well-established)
haaaaah. "Yes, well, I see what you mean." ( haaaaah. ?????)
There was a brief moment of silence before the Duke continued. "I (continued,)
What honor is there in sending a sixteen year old (sixteen-year-old)
But what does wallowing in dispair accomplish? It's better to dream of success than to be consummed by tradegy that has yet to come. ( despair & consumed & tragedy)
There task was to kill as many (Their)
As we carved our way into the heart of our enemy I received wounds (enemy,)
. I fought the second soldier like a rabbid dog, (rabid)
Comment Written 03-Aug-2024
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2024
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Thank you
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Congrats on your 50th milestone post, Erika! You obviously have a love of history because this has the fluency and style of an historic novel. It is lengthy and I wonder if that will deter reviewers. But you make up for that with good pace of plot and excellent dialogue. And with your main protagonist a war hero, setting the scene for your next chapter. Small edit: Perhaps the north is (where) I belong.
Well done and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Congrats on your 50th milestone post, Erika! You obviously have a love of history because this has the fluency and style of an historic novel. It is lengthy and I wonder if that will deter reviewers. But you make up for that with good pace of plot and excellent dialogue. And with your main protagonist a war hero, setting the scene for your next chapter. Small edit: Perhaps the north is (where) I belong.
Well done and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 11-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2024
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Oh thank you, I missed that.
The word count does deter people but the contest said min 2000 words unless I misunderstood. I do like history and I also really like reading! This is a prequel to the main novel I'm writing and it explains how the character grew into the person seen in the main novel. I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for reviewing!
Comment from prettybluebirds
What an amazing story. It grabbed my attention and held it until the last word. The story is beautifully executed and touching. I wish you a world of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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What an amazing story. It grabbed my attention and held it until the last word. The story is beautifully executed and touching. I wish you a world of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
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Thank you so much, that means a lot. And thank you for reading despite the word count!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
At first I thought ahg, a million words. But if this was a novel, I would read it through. Excellent character development, and a fine plot.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Well written.
At first I thought ahg, a million words. But if this was a novel, I would read it through. Excellent character development, and a fine plot.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
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Thank you do much! I figured the word count would deter people but it was supposed to be a min of 2000 words. I appreciate you sticking it out and reading it through. This is actually a side story for a novel I'm writing called the Tainted. It's the back story for one of the main characters. If you feel like it please check it out, I'd love to hear your thoughts! I'm new to the site so it's been a learning process.
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If it's in your portfolio, I'll find it.
Welcome to the site. At times, it is difficult. Feel free to ask any reviewer anything.
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Thank you!
Comment from jim vecchio
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MILETONE POST! This was a bit longer than your previous posts but it was good to know more about the character, Demi. One typo, a very common one: First sentence: In the use you put it, the word should be "envelop".
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MILETONE POST! This was a bit longer than your previous posts but it was good to know more about the character, Demi. One typo, a very common one: First sentence: In the use you put it, the word should be "envelop".
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Okay thank you! Yah I entered it in a contest and it needed 2000 words
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I?ve often had to revise the word numbers in my stories because I filed to read the instructions properly.
Two examples are one of my first stories, ?The White Rat?s Tale? and ?The Old Man And The Cease? which combined ?The Old Man And The Sea?, ?Logan?s Run? sand ?King Kong?. For each I had to build up with 200 or 300 words.
Comment from Scarbrems
An absorbing read, with strong images of battle and well-drawn characters. I was so sad when Silvester died.
One typo:
'incite the moral' - morale.
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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An absorbing read, with strong images of battle and well-drawn characters. I was so sad when Silvester died.
One typo:
'incite the moral' - morale.
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Oh thank you!
I'm glad you got into it enough to feel sad. Thank you for reading!
Comment from Nicole Schmidt
Today I turned sixteen. My father's wife gave me a surprise present. Sounds exciting right? For her it is. Under the pretense of shouldering my royal duties she has convinced the king to send me to the battlefield.
Strong read. Good job!
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Today I turned sixteen. My father's wife gave me a surprise present. Sounds exciting right? For her it is. Under the pretense of shouldering my royal duties she has convinced the king to send me to the battlefield.
Strong read. Good job!
Comment Written 08-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
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Thank you!