2024 Favorites
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Chasing Away the Sun"x
7 total reviews
Comment from juliaSjames
Hello Marival
I haven't practised haiku for a while so I'm rusty but I like the subtle use of imagery here. That's how it happens isn't it? One moment the sun is there in a beautiful sunset of glorious colours and then suddenly the light drains away and night has fallen. We might want daylight to linger but that's not going to happen.
"Uninvited" is still a bit of a shock though which makes it a great satori
I count 18 syllables so suggest
"the impending night arrives"
Thanks for sharing
Blessings, Cheryl
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
  |
Hello Marival
I haven't practised haiku for a while so I'm rusty but I like the subtle use of imagery here. That's how it happens isn't it? One moment the sun is there in a beautiful sunset of glorious colours and then suddenly the light drains away and night has fallen. We might want daylight to linger but that's not going to happen.
"Uninvited" is still a bit of a shock though which makes it a great satori
I count 18 syllables so suggest
"the impending night arrives"
Thanks for sharing
Blessings, Cheryl
Comment Written 30-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, Cheryl. I appreciate your kind review and helpful feedback. I fixed that error, thank you 😊
Comment from kahpot
Yes, most times when we are enjoying the day, the night does seem to fall way to quickly, a bit like the age and tears in life, very well written and presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
|
Yes, most times when we are enjoying the day, the night does seem to fall way to quickly, a bit like the age and tears in life, very well written and presented****kahpot
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 30-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, kym
Gypsy
Comment from Esther Brown
The style of poem is so short and eloquent. You always find the perfect pictures to express visually what you say in each entry. Thanks so much for sharing your gift of poetry with us. Esther
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
|
The style of poem is so short and eloquent. You always find the perfect pictures to express visually what you say in each entry. Thanks so much for sharing your gift of poetry with us. Esther
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, Esther
Gypsy
Comment from shelley kaye
i prefer night... usually dark and quiet... a relaxing calmness... yet another reason i hate summer LOL
a great haiku with excellent imagery of the moon chasing the sun away...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
|
i prefer night... usually dark and quiet... a relaxing calmness... yet another reason i hate summer LOL
a great haiku with excellent imagery of the moon chasing the sun away...
thank you for sharing
shelley :)
Comment Written 29-May-2024
reply by the author on 29-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, Shelley
Gypsy
Comment from RJ Heritage
Beautiful Haiku that to me expresses the inevitable relationship of sun and night. I liked the colors and the words that may mean different things depending on the reader.
RJ
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
|
Beautiful Haiku that to me expresses the inevitable relationship of sun and night. I liked the colors and the words that may mean different things depending on the reader.
RJ
Comment Written 28-May-2024
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, RJ
😊
Gypsy
Comment from royowen
I guess night will come normally unannounced, as does the day, they are cyclical, but it does seem that we will have night time at the most inappropriate time of course there is summer or winter, beautifully written Gypsy, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
|
I guess night will come normally unannounced, as does the day, they are cyclical, but it does seem that we will have night time at the most inappropriate time of course there is summer or winter, beautifully written Gypsy, blessings Roy
Comment Written 28-May-2024
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
-
Thank you very much,
gypsy
-
Bless you
Comment from lyenochka
That "uninvited" is a powerful single word to end the poem. Everything is normal with the sun making his rounds and leaving - even chased away but apparently, it ended some more desirable plans for the day. Nicely done!
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
|
That "uninvited" is a powerful single word to end the poem. Everything is normal with the sun making his rounds and leaving - even chased away but apparently, it ended some more desirable plans for the day. Nicely done!
Comment Written 28-May-2024
reply by the author on 28-May-2024
-
Thank you very much, 😊 big sister
gypsy