The Unwilling Heir
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "The Unwilling heir - Chap 10"A Mysterious Inheritance and Murders
14 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
I'm breathless!!! What an amazing ride you are taking us on. Terror after terror, but, then, she asked for it. Be sure your sins will find you out!!
I love your imagery, like:
The wind howled like a thousand tortured souls wailing in the night.
You paint great pictures with your words.
On I go...
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2024
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I'm breathless!!! What an amazing ride you are taking us on. Terror after terror, but, then, she asked for it. Be sure your sins will find you out!!
I love your imagery, like:
The wind howled like a thousand tortured souls wailing in the night.
You paint great pictures with your words.
On I go...
Comment Written 13-Jun-2024
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2024
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Oh I am honored by your words... I always hope to leave a painting that inspires the imagination, not too much overkill and enough to intrigue the reader. Thanks so much.
Carol
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Yes, you are doing well with that!
Comment from prettybluebirds
Despite your reservations about writing ghost stories, you are doing a fantastic job with this one. Your story is a real thriller and keeps the reader spellbound. Great work.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Despite your reservations about writing ghost stories, you are doing a fantastic job with this one. Your story is a real thriller and keeps the reader spellbound. Great work.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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I still have my reservations because its such a struggle to write this type of story. I am thrilled that I have held your attention and that you still find it interesting. Thank you so much.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Oh, "the night is just beginning." Kind of diminishes any chances of Madeline relaxing and enjoying what's to come throughout the night. LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Oh, "the night is just beginning." Kind of diminishes any chances of Madeline relaxing and enjoying what's to come throughout the night. LOL.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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I kind of got off track a bit with this chapter...my ghost believed in pay back I guess. (Bad me) But he took his revenge and now Madeline will face a wild night in the next chapter.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Ooh that was good, very good, now you must hurry with the next book. I hope that while this is happening Lorrie can get the book back. After the haunting, no one will believe what she says. This was fabulous writing, Carol, just one thing I found, the sentence below has been written twice, oh, and the start of this chapter is in a smaller font. Well done, my clever friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxxx
#"You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening. She lowered her voice, saying,....
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Ooh that was good, very good, now you must hurry with the next book. I hope that while this is happening Lorrie can get the book back. After the haunting, no one will believe what she says. This was fabulous writing, Carol, just one thing I found, the sentence below has been written twice, oh, and the start of this chapter is in a smaller font. Well done, my clever friend. Love and hugs, Sandra xxxx
#"You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening. She lowered her voice, saying,....
Comment Written 13-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Good morning, Sandra
Sorry i am behind on thanking you for this review. Writing chapter 11 almost did me in, I think. But then you have already read it and I feel my stress was rewarded. Thank you for always sticking by my side and encouraging me.
Smiles and love, Carol
Comment from Julie Helms
Goodness, for a minute there I thought there was going to be ghost sex! Very supernatural chapter. That's a handy plot device to accomplish some things that would otherwise be difficult.
You repeated in this paragraph:
You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening. She lowered her voice, saying, "You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening.
I can't wait to find out how Sandra fits into all this. The plot keeps thickening! Nicely done, high tension chapter.
Julie
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Goodness, for a minute there I thought there was going to be ghost sex! Very supernatural chapter. That's a handy plot device to accomplish some things that would otherwise be difficult.
You repeated in this paragraph:
You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening. She lowered her voice, saying, "You don't believe in them?" Lorrie moved closer to the bed, her eyes widening.
I can't wait to find out how Sandra fits into all this. The plot keeps thickening! Nicely done, high tension chapter.
Julie
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Thanks for catching that oops! I am catching that I do that a lot lately when I am fixing something with Prowriting and Grammarly and it forgets to remove the first mistake. Now that sounds like I am trying to have a machine take the blame doesn't it? It's just me losing some of the gray matter I think.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Madeline is getting her just desserts from her dead husband. I wonder what the judge has in store for her. Sandra is very lucky to miss out on the visitation. The one she had outside near the old graveyard was about all she could handle.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Madeline is getting her just desserts from her dead husband. I wonder what the judge has in store for her. Sandra is very lucky to miss out on the visitation. The one she had outside near the old graveyard was about all she could handle.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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Yes, it is a good thing Sandra slept through this nightmare (especially after you read the next chapter). Though I don't think writing ghosts stories is my cup of tea. I struggle to get it right and then always miss a homerun.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
The supernatural element is uppermost in this chapter. A couple of times close together re Lorrie, you used the expression "she lowered her voice" so maybe you could change one. I must have missed a bit, as I thought Madeline hadn't taken the book but was going to go back later to get it.
Noah seems to be a bit evil in this chapter. I'm still trying to work out if anyone is upright!
Your story is reaching a climax wit M being so frightened. Looking forward to the next to see how justice begins to be served.
Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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The supernatural element is uppermost in this chapter. A couple of times close together re Lorrie, you used the expression "she lowered her voice" so maybe you could change one. I must have missed a bit, as I thought Madeline hadn't taken the book but was going to go back later to get it.
Noah seems to be a bit evil in this chapter. I'm still trying to work out if anyone is upright!
Your story is reaching a climax wit M being so frightened. Looking forward to the next to see how justice begins to be served.
Wendy
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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I have a habit (not a good one) of reusing words too often lately...think I'm losing my vocabulary or my brain is stuck in one gear. Yesterday, my son told me there is a app that will give you alternatives for phrases...I might have to check it out.
Thanks for the review and your kindness.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
This was the most ghostly chapter of all. When the ghost of Noah slipped beneath the covers with Madeline, and she said, "Don't stop," I thought she would have awakened to see who it was she was pleading with. However, I'm glad she was eventually frightened.
I most enjoyed the metaphors used to add color and imagery to the description of the storm. The thunder, wind, and branches against the window set the scene for horror. Great writing.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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This was the most ghostly chapter of all. When the ghost of Noah slipped beneath the covers with Madeline, and she said, "Don't stop," I thought she would have awakened to see who it was she was pleading with. However, I'm glad she was eventually frightened.
I most enjoyed the metaphors used to add color and imagery to the description of the storm. The thunder, wind, and branches against the window set the scene for horror. Great writing.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2024
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I'm not sure I will ever write another ghost story unless they can all be like Lorrie. The scary stuff is a lot harder than I expected.... (see the next chapter) I too prefer the imagery but have been told I use to much at times. Oh well!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
I wonder how they've managed to re enact the appearance of Noah, or perhaps it's really James, when Judge Parker appears that might be a little different also, of course they think of Madeline a bit of a horror herself, well done Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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I wonder how they've managed to re enact the appearance of Noah, or perhaps it's really James, when Judge Parker appears that might be a little different also, of course they think of Madeline a bit of a horror herself, well done Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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I can't answer your question without giving an important part away....I need to scare Madeline to death and have her running for higher ground and get on with what the story is truly about. My characters took over and I've got to rein them in.
Smiles, Carol
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The question is rhetorical Carol.
Comment from karenina
Whoa. This chapter not only revealed ghosts but a very sinister undertone that was unsettling even for me...and I do love a ghost story! I see the goal is to scare Madeline out of her wits...but something about slipping into bed beside her and "taking liberties" (to be subtle) was (maybe?) a bit more than you needed...
This may purely be my singular take. I went from happily anticipating some ghostly activity to another darker place.
I'm sure you'll pull it up and out of that realm next chapter...and I'm looking forward to it!
Karenina
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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Whoa. This chapter not only revealed ghosts but a very sinister undertone that was unsettling even for me...and I do love a ghost story! I see the goal is to scare Madeline out of her wits...but something about slipping into bed beside her and "taking liberties" (to be subtle) was (maybe?) a bit more than you needed...
This may purely be my singular take. I went from happily anticipating some ghostly activity to another darker place.
I'm sure you'll pull it up and out of that realm next chapter...and I'm looking forward to it!
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2024
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I don't know where that idea began growing in this brain of mine but it took hold and blossomed. Maybe I thought Noah was getting even with her because she'd been a rotten wife after he'd brought her from the life of being a prostitute.... but then getting even isn't a good idea either. Heaven knows where it came from and now I don't have any idea where to go either.... Having a ghost party to scare Madeline is difficult since she doesn't scare easily. Suggestions welcomed.
Smiles, Carol
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I think she may fear losing her sanity more than anything! Ghostly sensory overload sounds like eerie fun!