Return To Concorde Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Sorcerer's Hut"Fantasy based on the intersection of two worlds.
19 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
Mageia intrigues me though I cannot say exactly why.
I like this sentence: 'He clutched an inadequate torch, trying to fend off the moonless night.'
Suggestions to consider:
'He, also, chose to drop formalities.' I don't believe you need the commas in this sentence.
'Theo did what Mageia suggested and (took a good look at) Carack Valley in the growing light of morning.' Maybe switch out this phrase for a stronger verb-studied?
Another great chapter, Rhonda, drawing me into this story. I am keen to see what gift Theo brings for the twins.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
  |
Mageia intrigues me though I cannot say exactly why.
I like this sentence: 'He clutched an inadequate torch, trying to fend off the moonless night.'
Suggestions to consider:
'He, also, chose to drop formalities.' I don't believe you need the commas in this sentence.
'Theo did what Mageia suggested and (took a good look at) Carack Valley in the growing light of morning.' Maybe switch out this phrase for a stronger verb-studied?
Another great chapter, Rhonda, drawing me into this story. I am keen to see what gift Theo brings for the twins.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2024
-
Hi Faith, thank you so much for this review!! I appreciate the six stars as much as I do the excellent comments. I'll go back in and take out the commas. I do tend to overuse them!!
I missed one of the looks, errr. I tried to watch for them. I should set a look alarm on my computer, lol.
Thanks so much!!!
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
Great artwork and story to go with it, Rhonda. I enjoyed reading it, and it flowed smoothly as Theo and Mageia had their conversation. It was very calm, and not one was trying to outdo the other. At the same time each one had certain conditions they wanted met.
They were both civil and presented their views. Mageia wanted to be on the King's council, and Theo didn't know if he had the power to grant that, but ultimately, they agreed on that.
A lot is at stake for both men. The most important things are returning the valley to the way it was without wars and fighting, and also making sure that the people they cared about are safe and come home. I think that the biggest thing for Mageia other than the return to goodness in the valley is gaining his self-respect back. I think both men are going to do what they can to see that it happens. An excellent chapter, my friend. I will look forward to the next one.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
|
Great artwork and story to go with it, Rhonda. I enjoyed reading it, and it flowed smoothly as Theo and Mageia had their conversation. It was very calm, and not one was trying to outdo the other. At the same time each one had certain conditions they wanted met.
They were both civil and presented their views. Mageia wanted to be on the King's council, and Theo didn't know if he had the power to grant that, but ultimately, they agreed on that.
A lot is at stake for both men. The most important things are returning the valley to the way it was without wars and fighting, and also making sure that the people they cared about are safe and come home. I think that the biggest thing for Mageia other than the return to goodness in the valley is gaining his self-respect back. I think both men are going to do what they can to see that it happens. An excellent chapter, my friend. I will look forward to the next one.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
-
Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for the six stars!! You did an excellent job of summarizing the chapter and the motivations of the chief participants. You absolutely nailed it!!!
Thank you, again,
Rhonda
-
You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Rhonda. I had to use an old lap top with a smaller screen so I was glad I could remember the gist of the story.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, again you've written a wonderful chapter, full of atmosphere and characters. Echo may succeed in what he's set out to do. I will have to wait and see. Ulla xcx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
|
Hi Rhonda, again you've written a wonderful chapter, full of atmosphere and characters. Echo may succeed in what he's set out to do. I will have to wait and see. Ulla xcx
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
-
Hi Ulla,
Thank you for the supportive six stars. You are always so good to review and leave comments. Happy Sunday,
Big Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with the dialogue changing from formal to casual as the old sorcerer and Throne became more comfortable with each other. We could sense their trust growing. They need each other in this big battle.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
|
Great job with the dialogue changing from formal to casual as the old sorcerer and Throne became more comfortable with each other. We could sense their trust growing. They need each other in this big battle.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
-
Hi Helen,
Thank you for the 5 stars and for taking time to review!
I?m glad you liked the chapter. They will definitely be allies!! Enjoy your Sunday!!
Comment from BethShelby
If that is Theo, no wonder Echo is in love with him. He's quite a hunk. lol
It seem Theo has the advice he need. Now I am wondering what his gift might be. The old man needs a housekeeper. I cringe at the idea of having to live with roaches.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
|
If that is Theo, no wonder Echo is in love with him. He's quite a hunk. lol
It seem Theo has the advice he need. Now I am wondering what his gift might be. The old man needs a housekeeper. I cringe at the idea of having to live with roaches.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
-
Hi Beth, thank you for the six stars on a Saturday!!
The gift will remain a mystery for a bit, but it will be pivotal.
The old man can appear as he wants. He?ll be back, in a good way.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
Hello Rhonda,
One of your best chapters. The sparring between Mageia and Theo is well written and gives insight into both of the characters. I suspect that he will be a helpful ally, as long as he is not crossed. I like old sorcerers.
The world of the gods is complex and contradictory. Many levels of power, Sleep and Death; Hades, god of the underworld; the Moirai, especially Atropos. (I included the Moirai in a poem long ago).
Mageia and Theo should makes a powerful team. I believe Theo actually means 'god' in Greek mythology.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
|
Hello Rhonda,
One of your best chapters. The sparring between Mageia and Theo is well written and gives insight into both of the characters. I suspect that he will be a helpful ally, as long as he is not crossed. I like old sorcerers.
The world of the gods is complex and contradictory. Many levels of power, Sleep and Death; Hades, god of the underworld; the Moirai, especially Atropos. (I included the Moirai in a poem long ago).
Mageia and Theo should makes a powerful team. I believe Theo actually means 'god' in Greek mythology.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 23-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2024
-
Hi Robert, thank you for the six stars and for the review!!
You're right on the levels of power and they must all be navigated, lol. Their allegiances were known to switch from time to time as well.
Hades and Thanatos actually work together, but for my story, they will be at odds due to what Hades does to throw off the balance of power.
Interesting you wrote a poem about the Moirai as they are sisters to the Brothers Grim, as it were. What was the name of it?
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Theo means, "God's gift". Good call.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a good chapter as Theo seeks the help of a wise one. Mageia tells him things he needs to know, but now he has to decide what he values most that he can give to Hypnos and Thanatos that is the thing he values most. I hope it isn't Echo.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
 |
This is a good chapter as Theo seeks the help of a wise one. Mageia tells him things he needs to know, but now he has to decide what he values most that he can give to Hypnos and Thanatos that is the thing he values most. I hope it isn't Echo.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Hi Carol,
Thank you for the review and comments. Yes, Theo has some choices ahead of him, though he'll have to find the elusive twins, first. He'll discover the price and the choice will be difficult.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Nicki Nance
I read and write fantasy, so I looked forward to this entry. It did not disappoint. You smoothly integrated mythological characters and places with those in your story. You put the reader right in the hut. Well done.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
I read and write fantasy, so I looked forward to this entry. It did not disappoint. You smoothly integrated mythological characters and places with those in your story. You put the reader right in the hut. Well done.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Hi, Nicki, I'm glad to meet a fellow fantasy writer. I'll have to check your work out.
Thank you for the lovely six stars. That means a lot to me, especially this late in the week, and especially from a first time reader. I'm glad you were able to relate to the chapter.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Ric Myworld
As an outsider who hasn't been around for much of the story, I'm not sure who can be trusted and who can't, but I'm guessing that I'm about to find out soon. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
As an outsider who hasn't been around for much of the story, I'm not sure who can be trusted and who can't, but I'm guessing that I'm about to find out soon. Thanks for sharing. Wish I had a six.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Hi Ric, thank you for your virtual six, I'll take it any day of the week, and especially on a Friday!
Georgios is Theo's brother, and Theo is the male lead. He can be trusted, so, most likely, can the sorcerer
Thank you for fearlessly jumping in in the middle of a story. It is very helpful to see a fresh perspective!!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Mike Stevens
Another fine chapter, Rhonda....so Theo had to go visit a man who needs a whole body breath mint huh? I don't know if saving his family, friends, and assorted citizens is worth having to endure having to endure such a stench!
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
|
Another fine chapter, Rhonda....so Theo had to go visit a man who needs a whole body breath mint huh? I don't know if saving his family, friends, and assorted citizens is worth having to endure having to endure such a stench!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2024
-
Lol, Mike. It reminds me of my 6th graders when they come in from playing outside at lunch!!
Thanks for the review, pal,
Take care,
Rhonda
-
Hha!
-
Ha!