Comment from Pearl Edwards

Exceptional

That would feel so lonely with both parents gone and no other relatives. Alan was certainly in the right place at the right time for Tina. A great chapter Jim, well written.
cheers,
valda s
s

 Comment Written 27-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 28-Feb-2024

Thanks so much, Valda. I really appreciate the 6 too. This begins a series of chapters where we hope to find some resolution for that unfortunate issue.

Comment from BethShelby

Excellent

I haven't read the beginning of this book but I liked the chapter and put you on my fan list so I'll know when you post. I like to learn about these characters.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024

I'm really glad to have you join the story, Beth. We're not quite 1/3 of the way in, so there's still a long way to go. If you're interested, here is a blurb like you might read on an Amazon product page:

David Phelps is a mild-mannered, somewhat timid High School Physics teacher who is suddenly charged with the sexual assault of one of his students. Unable to prove a negative--that he didn?t do it--and after having made a dreadful slip-of-the-tongue due to his dyslexia, he is asked to resign. Without the resources or the will to fight this charge and unwilling to live under a cloud of suspicion, he resigns and must now decide what to do with the rest of his life.

His dyslexia plays a key role in the story as he befriends a young man much like himself as a youth, who helps him develop an important new tool in the battle against this incurable disability. But this endeavor is fraught with problems of its own. With the help of the woman he loves, will David be able to battle the forces arrayed against him this time and fight for his new invention?

Also, each chapter begins with a brief recap of the previous chapter, so a quick way to catch up would be to read those.

I'm still in the process of writing this story, and I am a little over halfway through writing it. I really appreciate input from the readers and consider everything that is said.

reply by BethShelby on 25-Feb-2024

Thank you, Jim. I appreciate you catching me up. I didn't realize dyslexia is incurable. I don't know how those with this can't manage it well enough to become a teacher.
I look forward to reading more.
Beth

reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024

It isn't curable, but there are many things being done to help negate its impact. My story will feature one such attempt.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Well, it was lucky that he heard her cries for help. It didn't save the baby's life but at least it saved her's. I only wonder whether the authorities will now look earn who he really is. It's a great story. Ulla:)

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Thanks, Ulla. I was hoping to shake things up a bit with this chapter. All questions will eventually get answered.

Comment from T B Botts

Excellent

Hello Jim,
well, another exciting chapter. This one got my heart pumping, but I can see where Alan could be in a position of compromise again. Being a nice guy and acting to help a person in need opens you up to risk. Especially with this gal, and Lord knows how her mom is going to react. Hopefully there is some DNA samples available from the fetus in the event that the parties that be try to pin the baby on Alan. I was wondering if Ginnie was working at the hospital that night? Alan might be bringing more drama to her life than she wants to deal with.
Have a blessed day Jim.
Tom

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

You've asked all the right questions, Tom. Still lots of potential for it to turn south for Alan once again. We'll see if it ends up different this time. And of course, his possible future with Ginnie hangs in the balance. It will take a few chapters for this all to unfold, but it will all eventually be resolved.

Comment from eliz100

Excellent

This is another excellent chapter. There's nothing like a bit of chaos to liven up a story.I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day. I look forward to the next chapter.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

That was the desired effect. Let's hope this particular chapter of Alan's story has a little better outcome than the first time around with Tina.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

I do see a way that Tina can ruin Alan's life again. Tony will threaten to kill her if she says he assaulted her, and she has reason to believe him since he killed their baby. For some reason Tina has become Alan's cross to bear. Very good plot twist.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Yep, you've pointed out a distinct possibility here. It could go several different ways. We'll find out in the next chapter how it will go.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Hooray for Alan/David coming to the rescue - I think. But when I read that it was "Tina" who was bruised earlier by that horrid football-playing boyfriend, it's clear that this was a tricky case. What if she lies again about him? Will she set things right? And why isn't her protective mother available for her? I'm sure you will answer all these questions soon!

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

You won't be kept guessing for long. You've asked some great questions here, Helen.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, this one. The writing and editing are good but....

notes:

Right before it arrived, Tony managed to get to his feet and shuffle off. I couldn't worry about him right then; he was no longer a threat to Tina.

- Okay, you're jumping the shark now. Forget about the amazing coincidence. Alan doesn't call the cops. He doesn't secure Tony in any way or hit him again or do anything to stop him from leaving. Then stays with the woman who framed and destroyed his life. No cops at the hospital either?

You're making it hard to like or empathize with Alan/David. He is too far from a normal man.

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Perhaps so. Let me ask you. What's your opinion about George Bailey in the movie It's a Wonderful Life? I see Alan as somewhat akin to George Bailey. At the moment his life seems ruined for something his crazy uncle did and he, himself appears to be footing the blame for, and he's about to throw himself off the bridge, he hears Clarence calling for help down in the water. Then, he forgets all his troubles, and his only thought is to save a drowning man's life, which he does. Is that not a jump the shark moment?

I can say this with all honesty: The thought of attempting to detain Tony further or even taking time away from Tina to call the cops did not enter my thinking when writing this. Perhaps I designed the scene around how I, myself, might have handled the situation.

Naive of Alan to place all his attention on the girl's safety and seeing that she would be alright, rather than thinking about how she might screw him again? Certainly. There is potential here for his trust in people to be taken advantage of again.

If he tried to intellectualize it, which he didn't, it might go something like this: This is a confused 16-year-old-kid. She was scared and did a dumb thing 3 months ago because she has gotten away with her good looks all her life and she is a spoiled, shallow kid. But she's still just a kid, and their brains are not fully developed at this point in their lives. They do dumb stuff, and don't always think of long-term ramifications. Here she is in real trouble now, possibly fighting for her life. I can't let her die. Yeah, she could screw me again, but I'm banking on that she will finally realize what a shit she has been and will finally take responsibility for her actions. Perhaps she will even come clean about what happened earlier. If she does, the two of us can nail that Tony. But I can't worry about that right now. This kid's mother is never around and she needs someone at this moment, and I feel sorry for her.

This is what I picture his thoughts would be if he were to think about it. Naive? Strains credibility? Do I risk losing Lance as a reader? All true. But that's my story, and I'm sticking with it.

reply by lancellot on 24-Feb-2024

You should never wonder about losing any particular reader by what you write. As I frequently tell another writer, who repeatedly strains credibility with the wholesomeness of her characters, in the modern world. It is your story. Always write your vision. We as reviewers can only offer suggestions from our POV, that you pay for.

As for George, there is a difference between the instinct to save an innocent stranger than someone (teen or not) who destroyed your life and reputation, forced you leave your home, ruined your career, and for what? Can David do that? Sure, but would your average guy in the 80s or today? Also, if he can call for ambulance, he could easy ask for police and EMT. Simply say, "This guy attack a girl. I knocked him out, send help fast."

Now, that none of that happened, and in all the world, Tony and Tina, just happen be next to his backyard, in another town, screaming, at the exact time he goes outside. Then he saves her and doesn't stop the bad guy from leaving (while staying with the girl who framed him before), and easily could do again. And he sees injury between her legs. (and this never enters his mind). All that combined is what I mean by, jumping the shark. Unless... there is something mentally wrong with David. But we as readers aren't shown 'why' David/Alan is this way, so extremely selfless, soft, and naive. He has no religious convictions that we can see.

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Well, I've thought about it some more, and I think you are probably right that he should have thought to call the cops. I think I will change it so that he reports this at the same time he calls for the ambulance. It shouldn't hold him up that much to do that. I think that is reasonable, and I will also include a mention of a brief interview with a detective while at the hospital waiting in the waiting room.

I do honestly appreciate your input, Lance. You help me keep it real (at least more real if not totally so!) I do also realize that it is quite the coincidence that he happens to live right next to where the assault takes place, but I also think that just about any circumstance of his being there exactly during the moment of the assault would be equally improbable.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Wow. You had my attention before, but now you've turned up the gas and are starting to cook!

What a turn of events with Tina showing up and pregnant,

How many months has it been from when David resigned until now!

Will Alan bump into Ginnie at the hospital since she's working night shifts?

Things are getting juicy...

John

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

It was 3 months ago that he resigned. I'll tell you right now, since you guessed it: He will bump into Ginnie at the hospital.

Lots of possibilities now. The next chapter should shed some light on how it will go.

Glad this shook things up a bit. In spite of his father dying, things were going too well for Alan. Life has a way of evening the scales sometimes. Thanks for your great, perceptive review, John.

Comment from Wendy G

Exceptional

Well, his cover will now be blown, and that will damage his relationship with Ginny. But I hope Tina is honest this time and won't blame him for the attack. Getting very complicated. Well written.
Wendy

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024

Thanks so much for your perceptive thoughts and for the 6 stars, Wendy. I thought it was time to shake things up a bit. Hopefully we'll get some closure on this part of his life when it's all over.