The Fix
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Fix - Chapter Two "A mother fights to prove her son's innocence
10 total reviews
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
You exhibited excellent powers of observation in this chapter, I could have been there on the London tube with your characters. I am enjoying my read as much as I had hoped I would. kay
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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You exhibited excellent powers of observation in this chapter, I could have been there on the London tube with your characters. I am enjoying my read as much as I had hoped I would. kay
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2024
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Thank you, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I think I'd do exactly what Stacey is doing. I'd want to know what decided them my son was guilty. She could be playing a dangerous game though, but reading the signals she was sending out when she had to say he was guilty, makes me wonder if she really believed it. I'm off to the next chapter now. Excellent! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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I think I'd do exactly what Stacey is doing. I'd want to know what decided them my son was guilty. She could be playing a dangerous game though, but reading the signals she was sending out when she had to say he was guilty, makes me wonder if she really believed it. I'm off to the next chapter now. Excellent! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2024
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Thank you Sandra.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This was a chapter that was strong on characterization for Stacey. I totally get how someone's feelings can expand quickly into repulsion after people in legal positions of power seem to have betrayed what we think are obvious truths. I was trying to decide if this was more stream of consciousness writing, but here are some run-ons:
He's quite an attractive man, I must admit I thought that when I first saw him, I thought he was on our side, but the sight of him repulses me, he makes me want to puke.
I think it would just read better with breaking this down into shorter sentences, so maybe:
He's quite an attractive man. I must admit I thought that when I first saw him, I thought he was on our side. But now the sight of him repulses me; he makes me want to puke.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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This was a chapter that was strong on characterization for Stacey. I totally get how someone's feelings can expand quickly into repulsion after people in legal positions of power seem to have betrayed what we think are obvious truths. I was trying to decide if this was more stream of consciousness writing, but here are some run-ons:
He's quite an attractive man, I must admit I thought that when I first saw him, I thought he was on our side, but the sight of him repulses me, he makes me want to puke.
I think it would just read better with breaking this down into shorter sentences, so maybe:
He's quite an attractive man. I must admit I thought that when I first saw him, I thought he was on our side. But now the sight of him repulses me; he makes me want to puke.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2024
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Thank you for the detailed review. I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Daylily
You are unfolding the situation very well and the story flows along smoothly.
In London, do they call the seats, chairs? This line did break up the rhythm for a second or two: The central line train screeches to a halt in front of me, and I slip onto it, heart pounding in my chest as I find a chair to sit on.
I am looking forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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You are unfolding the situation very well and the story flows along smoothly.
In London, do they call the seats, chairs? This line did break up the rhythm for a second or two: The central line train screeches to a halt in front of me, and I slip onto it, heart pounding in my chest as I find a chair to sit on.
I am looking forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2024
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Yes, that should've been seat, thank you for spotting that. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from tfawcus
It's hard to sustain such long chunks of internal dialogue but this comes across reasonably well. I must say I'm relieved by the prospect of her talking to another person soon, though. You've set up the dynamics for an interesting exchange in Chapter Three.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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It's hard to sustain such long chunks of internal dialogue but this comes across reasonably well. I must say I'm relieved by the prospect of her talking to another person soon, though. You've set up the dynamics for an interesting exchange in Chapter Three.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you Tony, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
The paragraph that begins "The sneer" could use breaking down into several sentences instead of one very long one. This is true in several paragraphs. Sometimes, shorter sentences can be more dramatic. Maybe focus on one thought per sentence instead of several.
Good visuals and action words thrown in - like "the train rockets away from the platform".
In your author's notes, you refer to Stacy's son as "she" is innocent.
Well, you've ended this chapter with the reader wanting to know if Stacy will confront Georgia; I hope not, but I'm guessing that she will.
A good, descriptive chapter, Jacob. We have a better sense of where this takes place and what Stacy is thinking.
Hope she doesn't do something stupid, but we wouldn't have a story then, would we?
Try to promote this chapters if you can so that more people will read them.
Take care,
Pam
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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The paragraph that begins "The sneer" could use breaking down into several sentences instead of one very long one. This is true in several paragraphs. Sometimes, shorter sentences can be more dramatic. Maybe focus on one thought per sentence instead of several.
Good visuals and action words thrown in - like "the train rockets away from the platform".
In your author's notes, you refer to Stacy's son as "she" is innocent.
Well, you've ended this chapter with the reader wanting to know if Stacy will confront Georgia; I hope not, but I'm guessing that she will.
A good, descriptive chapter, Jacob. We have a better sense of where this takes place and what Stacy is thinking.
Hope she doesn't do something stupid, but we wouldn't have a story then, would we?
Try to promote this chapters if you can so that more people will read them.
Take care,
Pam
Comment Written 11-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you Pam, and for all your comments, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it. I tend to find when I promote my chapters, and I do it most of the time, but only get a few comments, which can be quite frustrating as I review quite a bit myself.
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Keep building your fan base, that helps too.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I'm not sure if this is a great idea on her part as it could be termed harassment. Your 2nd chapter reads well and we get the sense of her need to escape from the throng whilst stifling her emotion as much as possible. Some edits: buses (without the extra 's'); The pack of journalists (is) standing; The jury (isn't) Thanks for sharing your excellent chapter, Jacob. Debbie
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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I'm not sure if this is a great idea on her part as it could be termed harassment. Your 2nd chapter reads well and we get the sense of her need to escape from the throng whilst stifling her emotion as much as possible. Some edits: buses (without the extra 's'); The pack of journalists (is) standing; The jury (isn't) Thanks for sharing your excellent chapter, Jacob. Debbie
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2024
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Thank you Debbie, I?m really pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from Begin Again
Well done! Very suspenseful and left the reader wondering if she's step over the line and speak to Georgia or if the woman would talk to Stacey as well. Interesting dilemma.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Well done! Very suspenseful and left the reader wondering if she's step over the line and speak to Georgia or if the woman would talk to Stacey as well. Interesting dilemma.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Thank you Carol, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from John Ciarmello
I'm elated that I can finally follow one of your stories, as the others were too far advanced in chapters for me to catch up.
I love the suspense here, Jacob, and I'll be looking for the next chapter.
Great stuff! Best, JohnC
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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I'm elated that I can finally follow one of your stories, as the others were too far advanced in chapters for me to catch up.
I love the suspense here, Jacob, and I'll be looking for the next chapter.
Great stuff! Best, JohnC
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Thank you John, I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can't wait to read what happens next. Will Stacey and Georgia really talk? This could cause Stacey to get into some trouble. I like this story.
I wish I could trade me life with just one of them. (trade my life???)
I wish the person sitting next to me would turn off their bloody phone, (sitting beside me)
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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I can't wait to read what happens next. Will Stacey and Georgia really talk? This could cause Stacey to get into some trouble. I like this story.
I wish I could trade me life with just one of them. (trade my life???)
I wish the person sitting next to me would turn off their bloody phone, (sitting beside me)
Comment Written 10-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2024
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Thank you Barbara. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it.