What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "What We See - Chapter 6A"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
19 total reviews
Comment from Neonewman
Well, I'm glad to see Da...Alan has a plan that seems to get him off on the right foot. He sounds happier as I read through. You are quite talented my friend.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Well, I'm glad to see Da...Alan has a plan that seems to get him off on the right foot. He sounds happier as I read through. You are quite talented my friend.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024
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Very kind of you to say. Yep, I'll be calling him Alan from now on. He doesn't just give up but chooses to branch out in a new direction.
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Never giving up should be all of our policies.
I enjoyed getting caught up in his story.
Comment from tfawcus
Great! Every good guy needs a friend when he's on the rocks. It balances the story and hives some hope of resolution. Authentic dialogue between the two of them, and it's good to see how David has picked himself up by the bootstraps. He's not such a wimp after all!
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Great! Every good guy needs a friend when he's on the rocks. It balances the story and hives some hope of resolution. Authentic dialogue between the two of them, and it's good to see how David has picked himself up by the bootstraps. He's not such a wimp after all!
Comment Written 01-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024
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Maybe not, but he still wasn't willing or felt able to fight very hard for his teaching job. Hint: This situation of having to fight for something will occur again near the end, and we'll see if David/Alan has grown more of a backbone.
Comment from Ulla
So David/Alan is getting on with his life and that is good. His friend, Bobby still believes in him and that is good. That's what real friendship is about. Now onto the next chapter. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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So David/Alan is getting on with his life and that is good. His friend, Bobby still believes in him and that is good. That's what real friendship is about. Now onto the next chapter. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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At least he's got one person who believes in him. Very difficult to face such a thing completely alone (except for a father with Alzheimer's who wouldn't understand it.)
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
It is horrible when people falsely accuse others without giving much thought to how that person will be affected. But Alan/David seems way too glib about not fighting the accusation and acting like it has not affected him. Just saying. Karen
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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It is horrible when people falsely accuse others without giving much thought to how that person will be affected. But Alan/David seems way too glib about not fighting the accusation and acting like it has not affected him. Just saying. Karen
Comment Written 30-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2024
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You are correct--for a reason. He's not really a fighter at this point in the story. I'm hoping people will root for him anyway until such time as he grows a backbone.
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I will await your next missive.
:-) Karen
Comment from jmdg1954
Hi, Jim.
I read this earlier today when at work and forgot to send...
A simple chapter bringing us to the next phase in David's... er I mean Alan's life. Nothing exciting but a transition. Also a sudden change in Tina....
Cheers?
John
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2024
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Hi, Jim.
I read this earlier today when at work and forgot to send...
A simple chapter bringing us to the next phase in David's... er I mean Alan's life. Nothing exciting but a transition. Also a sudden change in Tina....
Cheers?
John
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2024
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You picked up on something important there, John. We'll discover the reason for that after a while.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, well we see Alan has not only moved, but form a new identity to hide from the 16-year-old girl, her mother and small-town rumors. We also see that he still has one friend. Not much else going on in this chapter.
Writing and editing look good.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Hmm, well we see Alan has not only moved, but form a new identity to hide from the 16-year-old girl, her mother and small-town rumors. We also see that he still has one friend. Not much else going on in this chapter.
Writing and editing look good.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Yep, you got it. Doesn't have much of a spine at this point. We'll see how it develops.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I like the way this story is developing. David has made some wise decisions. I hope he continues to advance.
Hope you don't mind my few edits.
"Why don't we take my car, and you can tell me everything that's been happening to you lately over dinner?"...Things haven't been happening 'over dinner.' You could say,
"Why don't we take my car, and you can tell me over dinner, everything that's been happening to you lately.
Chico's is (present tense)
The food was (past tense) They should both be the same, which ever way you decide to describe the restaurant.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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I like the way this story is developing. David has made some wise decisions. I hope he continues to advance.
Hope you don't mind my few edits.
"Why don't we take my car, and you can tell me everything that's been happening to you lately over dinner?"...Things haven't been happening 'over dinner.' You could say,
"Why don't we take my car, and you can tell me over dinner, everything that's been happening to you lately.
Chico's is (present tense)
The food was (past tense) They should both be the same, which ever way you decide to describe the restaurant.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024
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Not at all; I welcome edits. These are excellent, Lorraine, and I thank you for them. I will make them both.
Comment from Carol Clark2
This is a good chapter. The dialogue with Bobby lets us know about Alan's name and looks changes. It seems he's made some good progress on his plan for self-employment. It's interesting that Tina has made some changes also. Looking forward to the next chapters. Have a great weekend. Carol
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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This is a good chapter. The dialogue with Bobby lets us know about Alan's name and looks changes. It seems he's made some good progress on his plan for self-employment. It's interesting that Tina has made some changes also. Looking forward to the next chapters. Have a great weekend. Carol
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Thank you, Carol. Any ideas about why Tina has made some changes too?
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One can only hope that Tina regrets what she did, but maybe she doesn't want to have any more 'attention' drawn to herself. Perhaps she's left home and her mother?
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Right on the first two counts.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. It looks like David/Alan has landed on his feet. The new look and new name are an interesting twist. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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This is another excellent chapter. It looks like David/Alan has landed on his feet. The new look and new name are an interesting twist. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much, Lee. I'll be calling him Alan from now on. He certainly found a solution he's comfortable with.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
An excellent chapter here with great pace and detail as we learn more about David/Alan's new life. The fact that he's impressed his friend, Bobby, with how he's coping has, in turn, boosted his own self-esteem and, quickly, he's turned from a rather sad and down-trodden individual to someone who's got real oomph and a determination to make the best of his situation. No errors noted. A great read. Thank you, Jim. Debbie
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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An excellent chapter here with great pace and detail as we learn more about David/Alan's new life. The fact that he's impressed his friend, Bobby, with how he's coping has, in turn, boosted his own self-esteem and, quickly, he's turned from a rather sad and down-trodden individual to someone who's got real oomph and a determination to make the best of his situation. No errors noted. A great read. Thank you, Jim. Debbie
Comment Written 27-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much for your perceptive review, Debbie. He's certainly determined to try to make the most of his new life and look forward rather than back.
Pacing is something that's taken me a while to master, and I certainly haven't fully mastered it yet, but I think I'm improving. It's an important part of telling a story. You have to keep it moving, yet you need to spend some time in analyzing and elaborating on each situation, otherwise it can seem too rushed and leave the reader's mind spinning.
What I particularly hate in novels is when the author spends, what I feel, is an inordinate amount of time describing the scene where the action takes place, and I think this can ruin the pacing. Some of this is necessary, but some authors go overboard with it, and I find myself skimming through it. Dean Koontz comes to mind. I can probably be accused of not enough description, but I just don't have the patience to write too much of it.
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I absolutely agree! I've read posts here where the descriptive detail, imagery etc etc completely drowns out the story line (if there is one at all). It's so important to me that this is modified as much as possible and the prose is allowed to breathe and
advance. It's far smarter, I think, as you've done, to feed those details in, quite inobtrusively, along the way.