Misdirection
Easy money9 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a very well written Horror writing contest entry. You had a great buildup to setting the scene and describing the characters. The buildup of suspense was good as is the emotion. Toward the end of the story, I wondered if Stevie wasn't part of. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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This is a very well written Horror writing contest entry. You had a great buildup to setting the scene and describing the characters. The buildup of suspense was good as is the emotion. Toward the end of the story, I wondered if Stevie wasn't part of. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2024
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2024
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Thank you, Barbara. Glad you enjoyed it. And yes, Stevie was quite an important part of it all! Cheers.
Comment from Navada
This was really powerful and well written. The reveal at the end, while foreshadowed, was really effective. I'm wondering now what the deal is with Stevie, who clearly regrets his actions but goes through with them anyway.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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This was really powerful and well written. The reveal at the end, while foreshadowed, was really effective. I'm wondering now what the deal is with Stevie, who clearly regrets his actions but goes through with them anyway.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Poor old Stevie. There was definitely some sort of hold on him. Thanks for your feedback - much appreciated.
Comment from Thesis
I enjoyed this story. It was well-developed and had good suspense and mystery. The twist with Stevie setting up his friends, and the old lady being a man, were clever. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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I enjoyed this story. It was well-developed and had good suspense and mystery. The twist with Stevie setting up his friends, and the old lady being a man, were clever. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review and feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.
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Thanks for the review and feedback. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You had me glued to my computer screen trying to second guess the way this story was going to go, and anxious to see where you took it. I knew something was amiss when Casey entered the house and smelled bleach. You did a fantastic job with detailed descriptions and building suspense. You gave little clues as the story progressed...like the smell of bleach and the man hands. However, Stevie as an accomplice was a surprising twist. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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You had me glued to my computer screen trying to second guess the way this story was going to go, and anxious to see where you took it. I knew something was amiss when Casey entered the house and smelled bleach. You did a fantastic job with detailed descriptions and building suspense. You gave little clues as the story progressed...like the smell of bleach and the man hands. However, Stevie as an accomplice was a surprising twist. Well done. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thank you so much for the review, feedback, and the rating! I love it that you picked up on the clues - there were a few. Cheers!
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Thank you so much for the review, feedback, and the rating! I love it that you picked up on the clues - there were a few. Cheers!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Truly creepy. Misdirection, scanty information on clues, blend together to keep us guessing. We continue to read the tale, drawn in by kids trying to grab the illegal brass ring. This is well written.
Karen
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Truly creepy. Misdirection, scanty information on clues, blend together to keep us guessing. We continue to read the tale, drawn in by kids trying to grab the illegal brass ring. This is well written.
Karen
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thank you Kaen - much appreciated and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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Thank you Kaen - much appreciated and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nice story. Good work.
The feint font is a real chore to read. Bold would be a great help.
I would use either italics or single quotes to identify Law and Order as a title.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Nice story. Good work.
The feint font is a real chore to read. Bold would be a great help.
I would use either italics or single quotes to identify Law and Order as a title.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review, Wayne.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Some major foreshadowing here:"crouched," "protecting its secrets." & "plenty of cover." Good use of allusion. It will draw the reader in. Was this a foreshadowing for we who watch murder shows?
"His first impression was the smell, something strong, like bleach." Stevie's in on it: "Eryn turned around, but took only one short step before her head ran into Stevie Dickinson's chest. "He extended his arms out like he was herding children at a birthday party," This was excellent A+
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Some major foreshadowing here:"crouched," "protecting its secrets." & "plenty of cover." Good use of allusion. It will draw the reader in. Was this a foreshadowing for we who watch murder shows?
"His first impression was the smell, something strong, like bleach." Stevie's in on it: "Eryn turned around, but took only one short step before her head ran into Stevie Dickinson's chest. "He extended his arms out like he was herding children at a birthday party," This was excellent A+
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Wow, thank you for the rating and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
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Wow, thank you for the rating and I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from lancellot
This is well written, but I fear, too convenient in places. Yes, I know there will always be some lingering questions or things will just 'fall
into place. One or two, but there multiple here, that strains the suspension of disbelief. I do commend you on writing a full and well edited piece, that is getting rare these days.
Good luck in the contest. This should do well.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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This is well written, but I fear, too convenient in places. Yes, I know there will always be some lingering questions or things will just 'fall
into place. One or two, but there multiple here, that strains the suspension of disbelief. I do commend you on writing a full and well edited piece, that is getting rare these days.
Good luck in the contest. This should do well.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the review and feedback - much appreciated. Any chance you could elaborate on the "too convenient in places?" I'd like to get a better understanding of where you're coming from.
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a very creepy story. You did a great job with building tension and mystery. Part of what makes it creepy is that it could also be realistic, in a serial killer sense. You kept it up till the end, no hope available there. So glad I read this right before going to bed... :-)
I didn't see any issues with grammar or punctuation, and your dialogue was very effective. Best of luck in the contest! Julie.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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This is a very creepy story. You did a great job with building tension and mystery. Part of what makes it creepy is that it could also be realistic, in a serial killer sense. You kept it up till the end, no hope available there. So glad I read this right before going to bed... :-)
I didn't see any issues with grammar or punctuation, and your dialogue was very effective. Best of luck in the contest! Julie.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2024
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Thanks for the nice comments, Julie - glad you enjoyed it (and slept OK).