Saving Mr. Calvin
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "Saving Mr. Calvin - Chapter 45"Golf's legacy and future
13 total reviews
Comment from Alexandra Trovato
This is an excellent story chapter. I like the dialogue. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words full of imagery, that will draw in a readers.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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This is an excellent story chapter. I like the dialogue. Your presentation is very good. You use expressive words full of imagery, that will draw in a readers.
Best wishes,
Alexandra
Comment Written 28-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2023
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Thanks very much, Alexandra. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from lancellot
This is well written chapter, and the reader has already suspended disbelief with ghosts and time travel (for the sake of golf), so, telling people and potential investors about... why not. In the rewrite, I would up the stakes. What happens in California doesn't usually translate nationwide.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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This is well written chapter, and the reader has already suspended disbelief with ghosts and time travel (for the sake of golf), so, telling people and potential investors about... why not. In the rewrite, I would up the stakes. What happens in California doesn't usually translate nationwide.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2023
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Thanks very much, Lance. In my first draft of this, I made a point of the fact that Gavin Newsom had become president, and I fear the direction the country would take under him. But I decided to be less specific in the present draft.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
The element needed for the suits still seems like it might be impossible to get, unless it can be taken from expended fuel rods. Their plans as I understand them, sound really great and should become the new age golf with lots of players. This isn't just a golf story, it's how to pursue a dream.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
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The element needed for the suits still seems like it might be impossible to get, unless it can be taken from expended fuel rods. Their plans as I understand them, sound really great and should become the new age golf with lots of players. This isn't just a golf story, it's how to pursue a dream.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
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I love the problem solving skills of the folks reading this story. That's a good thought about using spent fuel rods.
I'm really delighted, Carol, that you're taking more from this than just a golf story.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
I love the way Kevin says, "the revelation came in the form of time travel to three different eras" as though he traveled to three different places to find his revelation.
Damn Chinese! You just can't trust them.
As I was reading this, I was thinking of the Olympics' basketball dream team; this is the dream team of golf here!
I'm really curious now as to how this all ends. It will either change the game of golf in the future, or be a huge disappointment.
Flawless writing and more great dialogue, Jim.
See you soon, Jim:-)
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
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I love the way Kevin says, "the revelation came in the form of time travel to three different eras" as though he traveled to three different places to find his revelation.
Damn Chinese! You just can't trust them.
As I was reading this, I was thinking of the Olympics' basketball dream team; this is the dream team of golf here!
I'm really curious now as to how this all ends. It will either change the game of golf in the future, or be a huge disappointment.
Flawless writing and more great dialogue, Jim.
See you soon, Jim:-)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2023
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Thanks so much, Pam. I loved your review! I agree about the Chinese. If they're not giving us Covid, they're taking away our use of dysprosium! We'll just have to find a substitute.
Comment from lyenochka
I was sure you made up the "dysprosium" and I was willing to withhold judgment for it! Great chapter of revelations! And I think Abby should also consider that even if she didn't believe the time travel, these guys who are privy to so much detail of her suit, didn't make the suit themselves but contacted her preserving and protecting her right to the patent.
Paul then rattled this off, (his?)
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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I was sure you made up the "dysprosium" and I was willing to withhold judgment for it! Great chapter of revelations! And I think Abby should also consider that even if she didn't believe the time travel, these guys who are privy to so much detail of her suit, didn't make the suit themselves but contacted her preserving and protecting her right to the patent.
Paul then rattled this off, (his?)
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Yeah, I think they were convincing enough in their honesty for her to trust them. Although I didn't mention it in this story, in Some Call It Luck, which I jumped into in this one, it was made clear that Abby holds a patent on the design. She told Claire this after Claire lost the suit and was worried that someone would steal the idea. (Do patents last for 30 years?)
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Actually looked it up and a design patent is good only for 15 years but a utility patent is 20.
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Oh well. It's no good anymore. I guess she'll have to trust the boys not to steal her idea. :)
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Maybe she renewed it just in case...
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this with us. It looks like all systems are go as long as they can get the suit to work.
I too am eager to begin work on this incredible golf simulator my friends have briefly described to you in their previous conversations with you. (Omit 'with you' it's redundant. You've already mentioned who they spoke with in the middle of this sentence.)
I'm going to let Kevin describe it in more detail to you. Kevin?" (you can omit 'to you', we know who he's going to explain it to.)
We'd be willing to help you if you'd like. (you can omit the first 'you')
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you for sharing this with us. It looks like all systems are go as long as they can get the suit to work.
I too am eager to begin work on this incredible golf simulator my friends have briefly described to you in their previous conversations with you. (Omit 'with you' it's redundant. You've already mentioned who they spoke with in the middle of this sentence.)
I'm going to let Kevin describe it in more detail to you. Kevin?" (you can omit 'to you', we know who he's going to explain it to.)
We'd be willing to help you if you'd like. (you can omit the first 'you')
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Oh, you know it will happen!
Thanks for the great edits, Barbara.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
Cool! I like they can time travel to the historical points on the regal game of golf. Yes, soon California will be a dust ball. All of I could see how water conservation for the growing things is important.
I like the plan for the Gulf simulator too. You're totally in there interactive using your body cool idea.
As always, I see, no issues with grammar. Spelling sense structure, punctuation esthetics. You know how to write there is no doubt. You definitely got some serious talent going on here. Watching and reading. Thank you so much for this, have a great day!
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Cool! I like they can time travel to the historical points on the regal game of golf. Yes, soon California will be a dust ball. All of I could see how water conservation for the growing things is important.
I like the plan for the Gulf simulator too. You're totally in there interactive using your body cool idea.
As always, I see, no issues with grammar. Spelling sense structure, punctuation esthetics. You know how to write there is no doubt. You definitely got some serious talent going on here. Watching and reading. Thank you so much for this, have a great day!
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, Lea. Your review is very kind. I'm so glad you found this story and are enjoying it.
One thing that helps me get the grammar and punctuation correct is the use of a grammar-checker website. When I complete a chapter, I usually put a page at a time in and make many of the corrections it suggests. Not all, though.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A great zoom meeting here with excellent dialogue and especially from Kevin, the narrator, who's managed, compellingly, to prove to the group his authenticity. Well, in Abby's case, he's just about there. All now seems to rest with whether or not a dysprosium substitute can be found. But everyone's on board and full steam ahead. Thanks for sharing another faultless chapter, Jim! Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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A great zoom meeting here with excellent dialogue and especially from Kevin, the narrator, who's managed, compellingly, to prove to the group his authenticity. Well, in Abby's case, he's just about there. All now seems to rest with whether or not a dysprosium substitute can be found. But everyone's on board and full steam ahead. Thanks for sharing another faultless chapter, Jim! Debbie
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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That chapter was particularly fun to write, Debbie, because I had to figure out a way for Kevin to be persuasive, but to have a certain amount of healthy skepticism by the Pennsylvania folks at the same time. Will Abby ever be convinced? We'll see!
Thanks for your great review!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
As the end draws near I become more anxious that it ends. I have followed from the beginning. I applaud your tenacity to see it through, and am grateful for all the member cents earned reading and commenting, so I could promote my posts. I have a loyal following of sorts, though there is room for another.
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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As the end draws near I become more anxious that it ends. I have followed from the beginning. I applaud your tenacity to see it through, and am grateful for all the member cents earned reading and commenting, so I could promote my posts. I have a loyal following of sorts, though there is room for another.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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And I have appreciated your wry comments and critiques too, Tom. This has been a journey which I probably won't begin again for a while, although it may give rise to some short stories. Probably some poetry again too.
Comment from royowen
I love that you are really getting to work on your plans for working out not only the suit but making inroads into materials into making the framework and the combination of technical and game knowing application, beautifully written, blessings Jim. Roy
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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I love that you are really getting to work on your plans for working out not only the suit but making inroads into materials into making the framework and the combination of technical and game knowing application, beautifully written, blessings Jim. Roy
Comment Written 25-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2023
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Some of my favorite chapters are soon to come in which we get to visualize how the different parts of the simulator will work. I hope it will be understandable.
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Well done