Comment from Ulla

Excellent

So this is a summing up or am I all mistaken? Well it sounded like it, so I gather it was just that. Now, I sure hope there will be more to the story as I've just got back into it. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023

Oh, yes. There is plenty more. Not to worry.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I'm glad that you added the dialogue between the family as that brought it more to real life. The first part was a chronology which read more like a family Christmas letter. It sounds like everything is going well and soon we will enter another place and time?

 Comment Written 25-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 25-Aug-2023

Yep, this chapter represented the denouement of Part 1. Through the dialog, the intention was to build up the tension and potential for sorrow with Kilian's leaving his family behind as he enters the woods.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Well, I guess this is the end of the time travel to the past and the 'new' origin of the game of golf. You have your readers wondering what will be next, or should I say when and who will be next. Or how Mr. Calvin will be saved.

Good work.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023

When, who, and where will be next. Part 2 might be a little closer to known historical facts than Part 1.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

This has the feel of an epilogue as you bring everyone forward in time and tell us what has happened to them. Everyone seems happy and families are growing, following in their parents' love of the game.

I noticed a change from plural to singular in this sentence. I would suggest 'teach (them) and (their) neighbors to play the game.' to keep the continuity:

He was often hired by the landowners, who had built kolven fields on their properties, to come out and teach him and his neighbors to play the game.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

You're right, debi. This is definitely the epilogue: to Part 1.

Thanks for the good catch. Error on my part.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

With one more chapter, and I assume no additional conflict, these chapters make for a long denouement. You've got a lot of fans who have come along way with you, so I doubt that it would make any difference, but you might want to rethink that part of it before you publish this.

Buoyed by the success of the competition, evident in the huge crowds we drew, the five of us decided to move to Amsterdam, where we became merchants of our kolf equipment and services. [The only comma required in this sentence would be the one after "drew". The other two chop the sentence into unnecessary segments.]

He was often hired by the landowners, who had built kolven fields on their properties, to come out and teach THEM and THEIR neighbors to play the game. [Agreement of "them" and "their" is with "the landowners"]

"Yes, and I liked it! You got me very excited, you know." [I'm sorry, but I would have just felt claustrophobic if the space was that tight.]

God, I'm going to hate to see this part of your novel end. But I'll be interested in seeing what happened to the couple in the golf cart.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Hey, thanks for the great corrections, Jay.

I don't really think of the final chapter (which won't be posted until Friday) as part of the denouement, despite the fact that it's at the end of Part 1. You'll see why when we get there. Only this current chapter is really the denouement. I had to decide where to put the next chapter--as the end of Part 1 or the beginning of Part 2--but I think you'll agree with my decision when you read it.

Hate to tell you, but we're still a long way until you find out about the golf cart incident!

reply by Jay Squires on 23-Aug-2023

Don't forget, I'm 84!

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

This is all so sweet and beautiful and life is lovely and then that last line, "as I stepped into the woods." Why do I feel like I'm not going to like what comes next?

I hope I'm wrong.

I feel like I know these characters and want the best for them. But conflict rules fiction . . .

Next post will be Sunday, right?

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Actually, Friday. We'll start Part 2 next week.

I hope you find the last chapter of Part 1 satisfying, Pam.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Uh-oh... whets going to happen to Killian?

You presented a nice family oriented chapter, and when all seemed copasetic, BAM...

I could be wrong. We'll see.

Great writing, Jim.

John

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Thanks, John. We'll see on Friday.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

I am really interested to see how you will relate part one to part two. Part one was a great story about people making a success with a game at a time that wasn't particularly peaceful, except in Holland, which was a rich seafaring country.

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

I'll give you a clue about how the parts will relate. In 2032, the future of the game is in doubt and needs rescuing. The purpose of the time travels is to teach Kevin (from 2032) about the nature of the game, both the good that needs to be preserved and the aspects of it that need to be overcome if it is to continue as the great game that it is.

In Part 1 we learn about the delightful nature of the game and how much it seems to grab people from the start. Also how gentlemanly a game it is. When we get to Part 2 and 3, we will see some aspects that need to be overcome for the game to maintain it's great appeal. In Part 4, we find out the solution.

In a nutshell, that's where we'll be going with it.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Did Killian just step into his previous life? I am wondering if he did. I can't wait until you post again and find out. It should be interesting. It's not good that he leaves his family. In his previous life will he remember them?

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

All should become clear on Friday when we reach the final chapter of Part 1. Then on to Part 2 next week.

Comment from Paul Manton

Excellent

Oho, Jim, I can feel a 'Narnia' moment approaching! But before we segue into the next time zone, shouldn't you adjust the ages in your footnotes - otherwise Arie will have become a mother at nine - not advisable!

This is Jim in unmitigated romantic overdrive - just short of slushy (thank goodness) it is still the 'happy ending' and 'they all lived happily after' that most nice kids want to see (well, the girls, at least). The final scene of the final Harry Potter movie - all our kids will now reprise the story so far.

But I suspect not! For the puppet master I so admire has a few new strings to pull. The next chapter, I bet, will catch some readers out - voila! - told you so.

The descriptions got richer and more developed in this one, Jim - especially the sophistication of the new kolfs, becoming identifiably closer to modern golf clubs - the narrower shafts and bigger heads (are you listening, Arnold?) The family unit has now developed too - into a real firm - a close-knit community - so you are all stronger.

And it is hard to believe that you are still in your early twenties; your words to Arie are those of a middle-aged man approaching his Golden Anniversary - but that is poetic license for you!
Well done, Jim. Next time, please, not the White Witch!
Paul

 Comment Written 23-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Aug-2023

Thank you, Paul, for this wonderful review, and for being a constant reader of the story so far. I know that it was bordering on sappy, but I did it for a reason. Arie says to Kilian, "Let us never leave each other..." and I wanted to build the sadness and suspense of his leaving her shortly and leaving his family behind without a trace of him. (Or does he? We'll soon find out.)

reply by Paul Manton on 23-Aug-2023

Nothing surprises me - more twists the better! Waiting for Aslan next!