Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Staying calm when someone is cheating is difficult. I can see why Arie would be so upset, especially since her interaction in the past with these two "lords" hasn't been pleasant.
Let's hope they can maintain their lead!

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2023

These guys stay pretty true to their colors and continue to make things difficult for our heroes. The lead will definitely be challenged.

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, very interesting. I think when you do your final revisions, you'll have to think about how Arie (a woman during that time) is being treated, by the fellas, her husband, and her tone. Also, the idea of commoners playing with, let alone possibly fighting nobles.

notes:


"Welcome to the final match of the first {annual} Amsterdam Kolf Competition.

- I recommend removing this word. It's not annual if it's the first.

 Comment Written 18-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2023

Good points here. I will remove "annual." Thanks.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

It's good that Arie's father gave Kilian a warning on what to expect. Still, Arie needs to learn to control her temper. I'm sure the competition against these scoundrels is part of the plot but since they are of the upper class, I don't know if they can win.

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Aug-2023

Well, regardless of their class, I think I would lose my readership if I let them win. After all, we've got to see some justice done. You're right about Arie's temper. She'll have to use her wits against these fellows.

Comment from jmdg1954

Excellent

Hmph... a new word for my vocabulary, " klootzaks" and the recipient won't know what I'm saying.

Well written chapter. The pace kept moving through the match and kept vibrant throughout!

Looking forward to the next post.
John

 Comment Written 17-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023

Thanks, John. I've actually used that expression once or twice myself!

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

Ah, so the rules got put to the test once again. I'm glad that Arie's patience also got tested, and she lost hers. We got to see that side of her, and also Killian's wisdom beyond his years not to try to argue against her passions.

Maybe you can explain this: while we lay two perhaps 15 feet away but in a different direction from theirs. [I don't understand the meaning of "we lay two perhaps 15 feet away ..." I'm afraid I just don't understand it.

Jay

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023

Sorry about that. It just means they've taken two strokes up to that point, and their ball is 15 feet from the hole but not on the same line to the hole as the other team's ball at present. I will try to make that clearer.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

It is never a good thing to have the local nobility (even if they don't know how to be noble) playing against you. I can see Arie going a little crazy if they cheat again.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023

You could be writing this story, Carol. You seem to be able to guess where I'm going with it very well!

Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

The scoundrels haven't changed much in a year's time. Glad they didn't do anything more serious. The official doesn't seem to have made a wise decision here. In the last sentence above, Arie mentions Ruben's name, so you don't need (she said to Rube). Other than that, good chapter. Carol

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023

Thanks, Carol. Good suggestion. I changed it.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Excellent

I figured those "scoundrels" would be back and would be their opponents in the end. And they are royalty? That figures!

That little spitfire needs to get her temper in check before they lose to these losers.

I realize that most of this book has been dialogue-driven, and you've done a very good job with it. And the characters are developed to the point where you know pretty much how they will react and what they will say.

Nit-picky stuff: The sentence "She was adamant, and there was no arguing with her any further." I would end it with "no arguing with her". "Any further" is just saying what you've already said.

Happy writing,
Pam

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Aug-2023

Thanks, Pam. I appreciate your letting me know I've done a decent job with the character development, and there's enough consistency that you can guess their reactions to things. You are spot on about Arie.

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I figured we'd meet these jerks again. I can't wait to see what's going to happen on the next hole. I fear those jerks will cheat again. I hope our guys win anyway. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023

Thanks, Barbara. You're right. We haven't seen the last of their shenanigans. Let's see if our kids can prevail anyway.

Comment from JSD

Excellent

Brilliant Jim. As exciting as I hoped. The good folks had better win or you're in trouble! I won't have my fun spoilt by cheating. Can't wait for the finale!

 Comment Written 16-Aug-2023

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reply by the author on 16-Aug-2023

Thanks, John. I hope the rest of the match will match this one for excitement.