Wonder
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Return of Glory"Poems of the things of the spirit
2 total reviews
Comment from Eleri
This is a lovely spiritual poem that rhymes well and has a constant rhythm. However, you have changed tense in the middle, ie most of it is in present tense apart from your use of the word 'flew' - did you just put that in to rhyme with you? Also, although the rhythm is constant throughout some of your lines read oddly because of the words you have chosen. For example, your line 'Let us know the wonder of all of You' reads a bit odd to me and might be better if you used something like 'Let us discern the wonder that is You' instead.
Having said all of the above, these are just small point so good luck in the contest
Eleri
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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This is a lovely spiritual poem that rhymes well and has a constant rhythm. However, you have changed tense in the middle, ie most of it is in present tense apart from your use of the word 'flew' - did you just put that in to rhyme with you? Also, although the rhythm is constant throughout some of your lines read oddly because of the words you have chosen. For example, your line 'Let us know the wonder of all of You' reads a bit odd to me and might be better if you used something like 'Let us discern the wonder that is You' instead.
Having said all of the above, these are just small point so good luck in the contest
Eleri
Comment Written 14-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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I changed tense to past for that stanza since the poem moves from present to future to past. Thank you.
Comment from jim vecchio
This was a great entry in this competition. Your final two lines were powerful and summed it all up perfectly. Thanks to The Lord, our Great Hope is to serve and honor Him here and one day be raised never to know illness or death agsin.
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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This was a great entry in this competition. Your final two lines were powerful and summed it all up perfectly. Thanks to The Lord, our Great Hope is to serve and honor Him here and one day be raised never to know illness or death agsin.
Comment Written 13-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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Yes! I agree and thank you for your encouragement.
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I hope I've done even a small portion of what The Lord expects of me.