Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

I haven't read the beginning chapters of this book, but I was able to understand the gist of the story from your summary, which was helpful. Also, the list of characters helps. It's evident you know quite a bit about golf and its history. A bit of romance always creates interest. Have a great week. Carol

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2023

Thanks, Carol. If you plan to keep reading it and would like a more detailed recap, try reading the recap in chapter 10 (which is really chapter 8 in the story). Here is a link to it: Click here. The recap was getting as long as the posting, so I started condensing it.

When I started writing this, it was going to be pretty much just a golf story, but as I got into it, the romance developed.

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

Love is certainly on Kilian's mind and seems to be on Arie's mind also. Their time as golfers keeps ending up with another thing to invent or create. They'll have the whole modern game pretty much in hand.

 Comment Written 22-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 22-Jul-2023

Pretty much, yes, at least in rudimentary fashion. Except for sand traps which I will introduce in another part of the story.

I didn't know there would be a love angle to the story until I got into it a ways, but it steadily grew in the telling. Now the most fun part of the writing is watching Kilian and Arie's relationship develop.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

And now the twosome will create a new type of club that will help them send the balls sailing to the greens up on the hills. And it seems that Arie is really good at putting. Are women golfers particularly good at putting? Fun chapter as the romance is developing.

 Comment Written 21-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 21-Jul-2023

Thanks, Helen. No, I wouldn't say that women or men are any better at putting than the other. Most people, regardless of sex, are pretty bad putters. Arie, of course, is the exception.

Comment from Pam Lonsdale

Exceptional

I can never find fault with your writing for this series, Jim. You've really taken the time to edit and screen for grammatical and spelling errors. You must spend a lot of time on this every week, and it shows.

The game is developing, and so is their relationship. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Pam

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

Thank you very much, Pam, and for the 6 stars too. I do use my grammar checker on each chapter before posting it. I'm getting better, but it still catches a lot of things. I took a little break to work on that poetry essay that I wrote a few months ago, but I'm back at the story now.

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

They didn't kiss this time -- and it isn't necessary, even in a romance novel -- to have them kiss in every chapter. However, I DID enjoy Kilian's introspection on his growing feelings for Arie, as well as her hemming and hawing over what the previous day at the cave meant to her. I do believe this novel, at bottom, is relational, and not a quasi-history of golf. Am I right?

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

It started out as quasi-history, but sort of morphed to a degree as I am getting into it (I am a pantser, you know). Not quite sure yet how or if this aspect will continue in other time jumps, but I'm guessing it likely will. I guess I'm a little bit of a romantic. Who knew?

Comment from royowen

Excellent

And I guess you've figured out how the game evolved beyond the primitive, and how the rules were manifested to open up the laws of FairPlay, yep, although this is basically a love story Jim, and your love of golf gets a gurnsey too, beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

This started out as strictly a golf story, but as I got into it, I couldn't resist the young lovers angle. Not sure I'll keep the whole thing in this vein, but who knows?

reply by royowen on 20-Jul-2023

Not everyone?s interested in golf Jim, but human relations yes. I was more interested in the relational connections in all your stories, the stage is secondary. Well done,

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Speaking one's mind is a really good thing. I think, but it can get one into trouble. I'm enjoying reading. Thank you for sharing this with us.

She was blushing. "Nothing. (This is passive, try - She blushed. It's now active.)

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

Yes, I'm going to have Arie's dad warn Kilian about this so that he can have some influence there, because she doesn't always listen to her dad.

reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

Just a minor point of clarification about "was blushing." In this case it is being used in past continuous tense, and used this way is not passive voice. Passive voice usually requires something like "by" to make it passive, e.g. "The speech was read by me," vs "I read the speech."

Past continuous indicates that something occurred in the past but continued for a while. She didn't just blush and it was quickly over with. She was probably blushing from the time she made the original statement, through Kilian's question and her denial and attempt to change the subject, to running away down the hill.

reply by barbara.wilkey on 20-Jul-2023

My editors would disagree, but it's your choice. Just sharing information I've learned from my editors.

reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

I appreciate it. You keep me thinking and on my toes.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

I don't recall a"green" being defined in an earlier chapter. If it was forgive me; if not an addendum might be in order.
And another thing, in this release Killian picks up when our scores. Maybe there is the need to explain the difference between stroke and match play. Good luck.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

It was in chapter 9 when Arie decides to call it a green, and Kilian says the whole field is green, and she says, "Exactly. So, it wouldn?t make sense to call it a ?blue? or a ?red,? would it?" He (wisely) decides not to try to argue with that logic.

reply by Tom Horonzy on 20-Jul-2023

Age. It is debilitating sometimes.

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

Ha, Ha, ha Ari is a pro:) not like me:) Probably I will land ungracefully on my royal butt:) Look at her gog:"As I walked up, I watched her take the kolf back slowly, but when she got to the top of the swing, she put everything into the shot, and it sailed a good 140 paces in the air and rolled another 20. She was improving rapidly. Like Rube, I was amazed at how such "a wee thing" could hit it so far. She was gifted at this. But her biggest strength came at holing the ball when on the greens. She had a fine touch and seemed to be able to judge slopes and their effect on the roll of the ball very well. She needed that ability at the end, as she holed one from six paces away to win the last hole by a stroke." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

Some people are just a natural at the game. The rest of us struggle with it. She's one of those lucky ones.

Comment from Tyler Hall2

Good

Hi, there Jim. I found the chapter engaging in the concept of golf, or "kolf" starting with a young protagonist going through a portal to 1247 Holland. My issue lies in if the rest can hold the reader's attention besides the intriguing concept, but can the relationship of Arie and Kilian keep it held?

 Comment Written 20-Jul-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Jul-2023

I guess we shall see, Tyler. Thanks for reading.

reply by Tyler Hall2 on 22-Jul-2023

Of course. Good luck with your other endeavors.