Saving Mr. Calvin
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Saving Mr. Calvin - Chapter 9"Golf's legacy and future
10 total reviews
Comment from Julie Lau
So intriguing - your own take on the origin of golf, and not in Scotland but long ago and far away. I really like the fact that you have not set any of it in the present. Do you have any Dutch ancestry, Jim?
Cheers, Julie
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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So intriguing - your own take on the origin of golf, and not in Scotland but long ago and far away. I really like the fact that you have not set any of it in the present. Do you have any Dutch ancestry, Jim?
Cheers, Julie
Comment Written 18-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Not that I know of. I'm a mutt to be sure with German, Italian, Scotch, and Irish in me, but no Dutch that I'm aware of. The little I use in the story is courtesy of Google Translate.
Comment from lyenochka
Arie is such a smart girl and unusual in competitiveness. That is what makes Kilian amazing, too, because he isn't put off by a girl who always wants to go first and have a fair chance at beating him.
It's good that Arie knew when to put on the brakes in that romantic setting. Maybe it's time that Kilian asks for her hand in marriage.
I am still curious as to how the wooden ball became the rubber band filled thing that it became later.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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Arie is such a smart girl and unusual in competitiveness. That is what makes Kilian amazing, too, because he isn't put off by a girl who always wants to go first and have a fair chance at beating him.
It's good that Arie knew when to put on the brakes in that romantic setting. Maybe it's time that Kilian asks for her hand in marriage.
I am still curious as to how the wooden ball became the rubber band filled thing that it became later.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2023
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They did marry quite young in those times. We shall see.
Soon the kids will discover something very interesting about kolf balls too.
Comment from lancellot
This is another well written chapter, and the game of golf is developing quickly, as is Arie and Kilian's fledgling romance.
Now, having said all that, I don't think anyone will buy this is all happening in 1247 Holland or anywhere in 1247. It is interesting though.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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This is another well written chapter, and the game of golf is developing quickly, as is Arie and Kilian's fledgling romance.
Now, having said all that, I don't think anyone will buy this is all happening in 1247 Holland or anywhere in 1247. It is interesting though.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Thanks, Lance. You're probably right about some of the things not occurring in 1247. Do you have any specific examples for me, though? I'd like to see if it's possible. I haven't knowingly created any anachronisms, although there likely are some. I do know that the earliest form of the game happened in Holland in the 13th century, not Scotland as many think, which is evident by the name kolf (which is the actual old Dutch name for club). I'm not sure how much of the game developed there because there are so few details about it, so I had fun making it up.
Comment from Jay Squires
Ahhhh, I think that's what your reader has been waiting for. There is something about the innocent early stages of love that softens the most jaded spirit. And I like the way Arie suggested, without really saying it, that they'd reached a point where they needed to slow down. And it's fun to speculate that their definitions of the various aspects of golf could very well be how it was at first perceived: i.e., playing "holes" and landing "on the green". This is a better chapter than my 5 stars would indicate. Like Sally put it when she reviewed my post, "I had been like a sailor on leave with my sixes."
Jay
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Ahhhh, I think that's what your reader has been waiting for. There is something about the innocent early stages of love that softens the most jaded spirit. And I like the way Arie suggested, without really saying it, that they'd reached a point where they needed to slow down. And it's fun to speculate that their definitions of the various aspects of golf could very well be how it was at first perceived: i.e., playing "holes" and landing "on the green". This is a better chapter than my 5 stars would indicate. Like Sally put it when she reviewed my post, "I had been like a sailor on leave with my sixes."
Jay
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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That's the fun thing about historical fiction, especially when known facts are few; you get to speculate a lot. Thanks for your virtual 6!
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Boy, "petting" hasn't changed at all in these hundreds of years that have passed since Arie and Kilian made out:-)
Now we're getting down to naming the parts that make up the game. There's a lot of jargon that goes with the game, but I guess we'll get that as we go.
Jim, what tense do you mean to write this in? For the most part, we're in past tense, but occasionally I feel as though you slip into present tense. It throws the reader off a little when that happens.
It's something that I'm constantly tormented with when I write!
See you in a few days.
Pam
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Boy, "petting" hasn't changed at all in these hundreds of years that have passed since Arie and Kilian made out:-)
Now we're getting down to naming the parts that make up the game. There's a lot of jargon that goes with the game, but I guess we'll get that as we go.
Jim, what tense do you mean to write this in? For the most part, we're in past tense, but occasionally I feel as though you slip into present tense. It throws the reader off a little when that happens.
It's something that I'm constantly tormented with when I write!
See you in a few days.
Pam
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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The question of tenses is a complicated one that I have wrestled with quite a lot. I tend to do it differently if the story is a memoir that, say, a present day character is relating about his past. That's easy--everything should be past tense. The difficulty comes when the character is relating things happening to him in the present. I don't like using present tense to narrate the action ("I'm thirsty so I go to the store and get a diet coke for myself.") I prefer past tense ("I was thirsty so I went to the store and got a coke...). It's like you're telling this story perhaps later in the day. It's kind of like a diary entry.
Having said this, I believe there is a place for present tense mixed in with this for things that will continue or are ongoing and didn't just end. For example, "Arie told a funny joke. That girl just cracks me up." Here I relate that she told a joke. That part is over and done with, but the fact that she cracks him up is ongoing and expected to continue. Does that make sense to do it that way?
I must admit I'm not always consistent, and I usually catch them when I'm editing, but sometimes I miss things.
Have you got any specific examples that you thought were confusing? If you could give me an example of some, I will look at them.
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Perhaps you were doing what you've explained here. I've had people review my work and explain that it's "ongoing" and needs to be written accordingly. Trust me, I'm not an expert on tenses and rely heavily on Grammarly and my writer's group to help me with these things.
I'm sure you've done your due diligence here. Going forward, if I see something I'll point it out and you can double check if you want.
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Great. Thanks!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Sometimes, you get a bit superfluous, but we are reading two children's dialogue. An example? O.k. Like the ending of a paragraph 1/2 way ends "to accomplish the feat than me. It's not needed.
Cute the way the story flows into a romantic moment or two. No wonder Arie can tie or win. Disrupting a guy's concentration.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Sometimes, you get a bit superfluous, but we are reading two children's dialogue. An example? O.k. Like the ending of a paragraph 1/2 way ends "to accomplish the feat than me. It's not needed.
Cute the way the story flows into a romantic moment or two. No wonder Arie can tie or win. Disrupting a guy's concentration.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Yep, she uses every tool in her arsenal. Thanks for the suggestion. I agree with it.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh Jim, this little liaison is going very well! And she's such a smart cookie too. With her increasing skills and intuition in the game she is the perfect match for Kilian who is completely smitten. She may even still be able to teach him some respect for his mates:) Faultlessly written story with usual skilful dialogue. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Oh Jim, this little liaison is going very well! And she's such a smart cookie too. With her increasing skills and intuition in the game she is the perfect match for Kilian who is completely smitten. She may even still be able to teach him some respect for his mates:) Faultlessly written story with usual skilful dialogue. Thanks for sharing, Debbie
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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You are awfully kind, Debbie. Thank you so much.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
They are really totally inventing the game, even naming parts. It's also fun that they have found a little romance. I think you should call it kolvening in this sentence . . . been away so long (kolven) with Arie . . . Also, a pinky finger width seems awfully narrow for a golf ball.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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They are really totally inventing the game, even naming parts. It's also fun that they have found a little romance. I think you should call it kolvening in this sentence . . . been away so long (kolven) with Arie . . . Also, a pinky finger width seems awfully narrow for a golf ball.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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I meant the length of a pinky finger. I'll make that clearer. Thanks.
Comment from royowen
Ah! That awakening of the emotional side of gender love, and the excitement of that first kiss, the only time we could see girls that were nurtured was usisally at parties, with surreptions kissing games like...spin the bottle, or more daring, like truth, dare, kiss or promise. One can guess how games evolved into what they are today, we managed to invent some games when we were in high school, kids are inventive, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Ah! That awakening of the emotional side of gender love, and the excitement of that first kiss, the only time we could see girls that were nurtured was usisally at parties, with surreptions kissing games like...spin the bottle, or more daring, like truth, dare, kiss or promise. One can guess how games evolved into what they are today, we managed to invent some games when we were in high school, kids are inventive, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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You've brought back a fond memory, Roy: kissing games. That may have been my first kiss; I don't really remember. But spin the bottle was a favorite at our parties. I remember once that I spun the prettiest girl in the 6th grade and kissed her. Then she spun me, and we kissed again. Then I spun her again! Wow, was I in heaven--3 times in a row! I saw her at our 45th high school reunion a few years back and reminded her of this. She was very amused.
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Yep, blissful memories.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I am enjoying reading and it seems these friends are starting the beginning of golf as we know it today. I am always trying to figure out how you're going to connect it with the beginning. It should be fun and interesting.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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Thank you for sharing this addition with us. I am enjoying reading and it seems these friends are starting the beginning of golf as we know it today. I am always trying to figure out how you're going to connect it with the beginning. It should be fun and interesting.
Comment Written 17-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2023
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That connection to the beginning will be quite a while in coming (almost at the end of the story.) Hope you're willing to stay with it until then!
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You know I will.