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Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "A New World"A Flash Fiction Collection
12 total reviews
Comment from Loretta Bigg
It's a sad story. This man has either sexually assaulted a woman and not realized it, or he's been framed, but I can't see why she would do that unless it's because they broke up or she overheard him insulting her. It was quite believable, however. Interesting for sure. I couldn't stop reading. Now the only parts I didn't believe was when the female officer said she wanted to tase the man. They wear body cams, so she would be recorded saying that and he would have a good case for police brutality.
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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It's a sad story. This man has either sexually assaulted a woman and not realized it, or he's been framed, but I can't see why she would do that unless it's because they broke up or she overheard him insulting her. It was quite believable, however. Interesting for sure. I couldn't stop reading. Now the only parts I didn't believe was when the female officer said she wanted to tase the man. They wear body cams, so she would be recorded saying that and he would have a good case for police brutality.
Comment Written 12-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 12-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.
Comment from judiverse
This would be a horror show for Jason. After what the women had to suffer through for years (afraid to report a rape, not likely to be believed if they came forward) the women are getting some payback. You did a great job describing the actions of the female officers. They speak in totally demeaning terms to Jason, calling him "boy." Their treatment is rough, too. They assume he's guilty. And the idea of he's entitled to a lawyer, yeah, if there's one that would take his case. I believe some universities went pretty far in that direction, with the way they treated the guys as automatically guilty. Maybe Jason can become a trans woman. He might even win a beauty contest. Not your typical subject for a horror story, but it works. Good luck in the contest. judi
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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This would be a horror show for Jason. After what the women had to suffer through for years (afraid to report a rape, not likely to be believed if they came forward) the women are getting some payback. You did a great job describing the actions of the female officers. They speak in totally demeaning terms to Jason, calling him "boy." Their treatment is rough, too. They assume he's guilty. And the idea of he's entitled to a lawyer, yeah, if there's one that would take his case. I believe some universities went pretty far in that direction, with the way they treated the guys as automatically guilty. Maybe Jason can become a trans woman. He might even win a beauty contest. Not your typical subject for a horror story, but it works. Good luck in the contest. judi
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.
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You're welcome. judi
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, you choose one hell of a subject for this contest, just imagine if this will be real:) Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest and your writings.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Wow, you choose one hell of a subject for this contest, just imagine if this will be real:) Thanks for sharing and good luck with the contest and your writings.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much. Some would like it to be real.
Comment from Spitfire
A unique entry when one thinks of horror in the usual way. But you nailed it. For a girl to accuse a guy of rape which would put him in prison is horror indeed! Hope you win the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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A unique entry when one thinks of horror in the usual way. But you nailed it. For a girl to accuse a guy of rape which would put him in prison is horror indeed! Hope you win the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 10-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much. I don't think something with this theme and victims has a chance on FS, but I enjoyed writing it.
Comment from forestport12
I like your qualifier at the end. Its so easy to read more into it. You were just having fun, which is sometimes the best way to write excellent fiction. Seems like you might be flirting with a novel here. I liked how the tables were turned using the policewoman who obviously had flashes of her own past abuse.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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I like your qualifier at the end. Its so easy to read more into it. You were just having fun, which is sometimes the best way to write excellent fiction. Seems like you might be flirting with a novel here. I liked how the tables were turned using the policewoman who obviously had flashes of her own past abuse.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Hmm, no book. I think such a novel has been made. But, as we will see, on FanStory, this "theme" will be rejected.
Thank you very much.
Comment from GWHARGIS
The unfortunate thing is this can really happen. I felt it when you mentioned toxic masculinity. It really is sad that masculinity is frowned upon. I guess there won't be anymore Greatest generations. But lots of safe places and no no words. Great horror story. Gretchen
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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The unfortunate thing is this can really happen. I felt it when you mentioned toxic masculinity. It really is sad that masculinity is frowned upon. I guess there won't be anymore Greatest generations. But lots of safe places and no no words. Great horror story. Gretchen
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Unfortunately, many women feel when they have sex with a man it's a commitment, then later find out it's was, on his part, just for fun. That's where the problem starts. This is a very well written contest entry. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Unfortunately, many women feel when they have sex with a man it's a commitment, then later find out it's was, on his part, just for fun. That's where the problem starts. This is a very well written contest entry. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Yes. This is an area on sex I think we agree on. If you are having it for commitment or fun, this needs to be agreed upon, by adults, before you engage in it. If it is for commitment, you should, ideally, be married, but still open and honest about it. If it is for fun, enjoyment, (between adults) this too should be spoken about and agreed upon, first. I do not believe in lies or deception.
Comment from Jim Wile
There is great truth to your jest, Lance. Although this is a bit of hyperbole, it is not that far from the truth of the direction of things today. I especially loved the idea of the retroactive refusal of consent. I'm sure there are those who would think that to be perfectly reasonable.
I also loved the idea of the T-suppressors. Very original. - Jim
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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There is great truth to your jest, Lance. Although this is a bit of hyperbole, it is not that far from the truth of the direction of things today. I especially loved the idea of the retroactive refusal of consent. I'm sure there are those who would think that to be perfectly reasonable.
I also loved the idea of the T-suppressors. Very original. - Jim
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A fascinating and engaging story! Didn't care much for Jason so was pleased he was treated as he was by Corporal Hicks (note spelled with an apostrophe in para starting Corporal Hick's...). The prose is well written and dialogue particularly good building on character, however, there wasn't quite enough horror in it for me as the main character failed to draw any empathy. I liked the thread of the black eye through the story which gave more flesh to Jason's character/culpability. Am not sure what a 'Y' is and at one point you asked for your 'mother(s) to be called. But as ever, a thoroughly engaging story. Good luck in the contest, Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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A fascinating and engaging story! Didn't care much for Jason so was pleased he was treated as he was by Corporal Hicks (note spelled with an apostrophe in para starting Corporal Hick's...). The prose is well written and dialogue particularly good building on character, however, there wasn't quite enough horror in it for me as the main character failed to draw any empathy. I liked the thread of the black eye through the story which gave more flesh to Jason's character/culpability. Am not sure what a 'Y' is and at one point you asked for your 'mother(s) to be called. But as ever, a thoroughly engaging story. Good luck in the contest, Debbie
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.
Ys= people with XY chromosomes, males
mothers= Yes, he has two mothers. (lesbian marriage)
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Entertaining. Evidentry 9sic) in painting the scene, but tell us how did you come to think up such a horrible horror story? I can see it being as described since you qualified it by describing the dumbest state of states,
Californie.
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Entertaining. Evidentry 9sic) in painting the scene, but tell us how did you come to think up such a horrible horror story? I can see it being as described since you qualified it by describing the dumbest state of states,
Californie.
Comment Written 09-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 09-Jul-2023
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Thank you very much.