Rise from the Fall
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "New land, old faces"From one life to another
4 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
Very interesting read. I think that you need to increase your font size so that older people will review your work. I didn't catch many grammatical errors, but in this sentence, don't capitalize the 'A':
t's been far too long," A familiar voice say
Good work. Keep it up!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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Very interesting read. I think that you need to increase your font size so that older people will review your work. I didn't catch many grammatical errors, but in this sentence, don't capitalize the 'A':
t's been far too long," A familiar voice say
Good work. Keep it up!
Comment Written 23-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your feedback, Douglas Goff. The font size was not something I had even considered. Do you have a recommendation? I believe it's currently times roman numeral 12.
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Most people go all the way to twenty. It is the biggest complaint on here from the older people. Many will skip your work if it is too hard to read.
Comment from paige_a
Ohh, I love me some historical military fiction. This is very well done. You set the scene well, and I found myself invested in the characters even with such a short peek at who they are.
I did notice this typo here:
"The rag's over their faces hide the blemishes."
Since you ask for one thing readers like and one thing they don't I suppose my critique is that I simply wanted more.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Ohh, I love me some historical military fiction. This is very well done. You set the scene well, and I found myself invested in the characters even with such a short peek at who they are.
I did notice this typo here:
"The rag's over their faces hide the blemishes."
Since you ask for one thing readers like and one thing they don't I suppose my critique is that I simply wanted more.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read my work. If you'd like more, this piece is part of a book I update each month. If you want to stay up to date, don't hesitate to follow.
Thanks again
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Oh wonderful!
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was an enjoyable story. You do a great job with the POV. The story is well written and I love your use of dialogue. It's natural. And it also does a good job of bringing the story along in a natural way. Excellent write.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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I thought this was an enjoyable story. You do a great job with the POV. The story is well written and I love your use of dialogue. It's natural. And it also does a good job of bringing the story along in a natural way. Excellent write.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2022
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Thank you.
Comment from lancellot
Good characterization and even flow of the chapter. Your transitions were perfect. Just a few things for your consideration.
notes:
The mud is so thick that it tries to pull the boots off my feet.
or
The mud is so thick that it tries to pull my boots off.
t's a little colder, but we kept the forges going, thanks to {her}.
- I would use a name here, as the chapter just begins.
"That's just {wrong," I} look at the posts lining the trenches.
-"That's just wrong." I look at the posts lining the trenches. (action tag)
"Iona, Colton. It's been far too {long." A} familiar voice says.
-"Iona, Colton. It's been far too long," a familiar voice says. (speech tag)
He eyes {Tatanya, "You} can keep your urges in check."
-He eyes Tatanya. "You can keep your urges in check."
Tatanya walks back to us, pushing Becka {away, "It} was dirty and {uncivilized," she} caresses my cheek. "But it had its moments."
-Tatanya walks back to us, pushing Becka away. "It was dirty and uncivilized." She caresses my cheek. "But it had its moments."
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Good characterization and even flow of the chapter. Your transitions were perfect. Just a few things for your consideration.
notes:
The mud is so thick that it tries to pull the boots off my feet.
or
The mud is so thick that it tries to pull my boots off.
t's a little colder, but we kept the forges going, thanks to {her}.
- I would use a name here, as the chapter just begins.
"That's just {wrong," I} look at the posts lining the trenches.
-"That's just wrong." I look at the posts lining the trenches. (action tag)
"Iona, Colton. It's been far too {long." A} familiar voice says.
-"Iona, Colton. It's been far too long," a familiar voice says. (speech tag)
He eyes {Tatanya, "You} can keep your urges in check."
-He eyes Tatanya. "You can keep your urges in check."
Tatanya walks back to us, pushing Becka {away, "It} was dirty and {uncivilized," she} caresses my cheek. "But it had its moments."
-Tatanya walks back to us, pushing Becka away. "It was dirty and uncivilized." She caresses my cheek. "But it had its moments."
Comment Written 19-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2022
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Thank you once again for your feedback lancellot.
