Reviews from

The Daytrip

short story

6 total reviews 
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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We don't really have any dangerous animals here, none that would attack you deliberately, so the good thing is it's relatively safe, only bugs may irritate some, beautifully written Alicia, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 28-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
    Hellow Roy! I have plenty wildlife around me. I'm inbetween 2 mountains, within 1/2 mile and a 3-mile stretch. Coyotes (golden beige resembles german shepard) and racoons are prowling now. There are black bears, scorpions, beetles and plenty birds too. Thank you. God bless :)
reply by royowen on 31-Jul-2022
    Wow, brave you
Comment from Bill Schott
Excellent
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This flash fiction story, The Daytrip, is a funny account of a guy out to go fishing and getting his dessert cakes eaten by a bear. This is just a bit swiss-cheesy with information presented in unrelated clumps.
Terry's going fishing, Terry's taking a whiz, Terry's "stash" is being ransacked. You a lot here for seventy-five words.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
    You're funny. It is is rather flashy. Thank you :)
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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Oh-oh! Well, I'm glad the bear went for the Little Debbie's pastries and not Terry himself! Yes, you're right it's always dangerous to go into the wild alone. Cute story with a punchline which works well for flash fiction. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
    Hellow Helen. Thank you. God bless... :)
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent
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The artwork is most appropriate for the subject of your writing. There is not much to fear in our Michigan woods unless one considers skunks. I see this is a contest entry so I wish you all the luck in the world.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 31-Jul-2022
    Skunks, run... Stay safe. Be strong. Thank you :)
Comment from jessizero
Excellent
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I like that you set the story in the present tense. It gives the feeling that we don't know if the man survives the encounter or not. Thanks for sharing your story, and best wishes to you.

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 02-Aug-2022
    Hellow Jessi! I learned flash fiction to be present and fast moving. The rules change. I'm not sure why. You're nice. Thank you :)
Comment from Irish Rain
Excellent
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Yikes!!!
Where there's a cub, there's a mother!
I won't go in the woods around here anymore.
Not that I ever did much anyway, ha ha...
because of bears.
We have a lot of bear in this area.
Nope...I'll stick to the pavement!
Love your story...love those 'Little Debby's' too!
Blessings...

 Comment Written 27-Jul-2022


reply by the author on 02-Aug-2022
    Hello Judy. You're nice. I'm not hiking or playing around in the mountains or parks since the pandemic. There like a mile high here with horses, golfing, country club, trails... There's a big zoo too. I saw a baby sassaquatch; fury with big feet. The police told me it was a cub. Little Debbie has an ice cream collection now. Thank you :)
reply by Irish Rain on 02-Aug-2022
    Wow...sounds wonderful...especially Little Debbie!!! Have a great week!!