Betrayed
A betrayal of love31 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
I like the concept (I thought you were gonna be the ancient pet dog.)
Reminded me of the story of a realtor telling a man that the house he wanted to sell was a five minute house - by dozer, or torch. The man told him that he'd raised a family in that house, and walked away.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Well written. Good work.
I like the concept (I thought you were gonna be the ancient pet dog.)
Reminded me of the story of a realtor telling a man that the house he wanted to sell was a five minute house - by dozer, or torch. The man told him that he'd raised a family in that house, and walked away.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Thank you. There was such a house on the farm where I grew up. Mom and Dad did live there until Grandma died and they moved into her house. Grandma's house was closer to the source of water and the road. I can remember wondering if the old house was lonesome. Hugs
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Betrayed, speaks to the readers through the eyes of the house and home for generations of family. It is sad, though sometimes necessary, to raze a home that has so much history.
This hits me hard as I am now watching my childhood home, which has fallen into disrepair due to neglect, go up for sale to strangers. Good story.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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This story, Betrayed, speaks to the readers through the eyes of the house and home for generations of family. It is sad, though sometimes necessary, to raze a home that has so much history.
This hits me hard as I am now watching my childhood home, which has fallen into disrepair due to neglect, go up for sale to strangers. Good story.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Thank you. Yep, I hated to see the old house go but my brother owned the farm and he wanted to put up a toolshed where the house stood. Hugs
Comment from Achitka
While mildly depressing, it was easy to read and full of emotions. I'm also of the mind that houses are what we make of them. Thanks for writing it. Was happy to read it.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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While mildly depressing, it was easy to read and full of emotions. I'm also of the mind that houses are what we make of them. Thanks for writing it. Was happy to read it.
Comment Written 04-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2022
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Thank you. Yes, this is just a story. There was an old house on the farm where I was raised, and Mom and Dad did start their married life there. They moved into Grandma's home after she passed away. It was closer to the water well and road. Hugs
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I can easily see why this got other 6ers. This is professional sounding. I love your perspective as related to us from the house. This is a wonderful example of personification throughout told with great sensory images. As others recognize, your story is excellent. A+
This reminds me of the story called the Giving Tree.
https://cpb-ca-c1.wpmucdn.com/myriverside.sd43.bc.ca/dist/d/2149/files/2019/11/The-Giving-Tree-Poem-1pwpl7e.pdf
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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I can easily see why this got other 6ers. This is professional sounding. I love your perspective as related to us from the house. This is a wonderful example of personification throughout told with great sensory images. As others recognize, your story is excellent. A+
This reminds me of the story called the Giving Tree.
https://cpb-ca-c1.wpmucdn.com/myriverside.sd43.bc.ca/dist/d/2149/files/2019/11/The-Giving-Tree-Poem-1pwpl7e.pdf
Comment Written 04-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thank you and thanks for the six stars. There was an old house on the farm where I grew up. Mom and Dad did live there for the first years of their married life. Six of the twelve children were born in that home. I can remember playing in the old house and wondering if it was lonesome. They moved into grandma's house after she died because it was closer to the water well and the road. Hugs
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The whole situation sound so much the story the Giving tree. The link I put there takes you to the story. If you've never read it, it's very powerful & tragic like what happened yo your house.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
A lovely story from the POV of the house that your parents shifted into as newly-weds. The paragraph memories of days in the past are a good read. I enjoyed your story and wish you luck in the contest. Cheers
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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A lovely story from the POV of the house that your parents shifted into as newly-weds. The paragraph memories of days in the past are a good read. I enjoyed your story and wish you luck in the contest. Cheers
Comment Written 04-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2022
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Thank you and thanks for the six stars. There was an old house on my dad's farm where mom and dad lived their early years. When grandma died, they moved into her house because it was closer to the water well and the road. I can remember wondering if the house was lonesome. Hugs
Comment from jessizero
This actually made me want to cry. I had no idea where this was going. I was expecting a happy ending, not this heartbreaker. Thank you for sharing, though. It was very well-written.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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This actually made me want to cry. I had no idea where this was going. I was expecting a happy ending, not this heartbreaker. Thank you for sharing, though. It was very well-written.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you. Sorry, to make you feel bad. I just got to wondering how old houses feel when the family leaves them abandoned. There was an old house on our farm where Mom and Dad started their married life. When My Grandmother died they moved into her house because the well was there and it was closer to the road. I remember wondering if the old house was lonesome. Hugs
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The fact that you got such a strong response from the reader is great, though, so congratulations on that!
Comment from Ulla
Yes, reality can be harsh and as often as not, not very pleasant. This must be so very hard. Pray that something like that won't come my way. Sorry to be selfish. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Yes, reality can be harsh and as often as not, not very pleasant. This must be so very hard. Pray that something like that won't come my way. Sorry to be selfish. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
When we left our home of twenty six years, I remember thinking that it would miss us as much as we were going to miss it.
This is so unique, telling your story from the perspective of an inanimate object. Super creative.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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When we left our home of twenty six years, I remember thinking that it would miss us as much as we were going to miss it.
This is so unique, telling your story from the perspective of an inanimate object. Super creative.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Hugs
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
This is something I can relate. And, this seems to happen to us. I have a house that needs to be emptied. No one seems to care. They just talk about what needs to be done. I am thinking about bull dozing my other house down to the ground. Thank you for sharing. My story is non-fiction.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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This is something I can relate. And, this seems to happen to us. I have a house that needs to be emptied. No one seems to care. They just talk about what needs to be done. I am thinking about bull dozing my other house down to the ground. Thank you for sharing. My story is non-fiction.
Comment Written 03-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2022
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Hugs
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You are welcome.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This creative story prompts the reader to try to guess, "Who am I?" At first I thought it was a grandmother. By 1942, when the unthinkable happened, I thought it might be a pet. "Death by bulldozer," was a great surprise ending. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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This creative story prompts the reader to try to guess, "Who am I?" At first I thought it was a grandmother. By 1942, when the unthinkable happened, I thought it might be a pet. "Death by bulldozer," was a great surprise ending. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2022
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2022
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Thank you. I love to write short stories with surprise endings. I'm glad you liked this one. Hugs.