The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 " Teeter Totter"Adventures around & upon a hill
11 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Taletelling is realistically expressed, none could expect what happened to you, though change is evident and after 1960 everything changed; how a monastery suffered is the pin of the point; nothing of the history can be confidently portrayed; so, the monks are as if destined to suffer; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Taletelling is realistically expressed, none could expect what happened to you, though change is evident and after 1960 everything changed; how a monastery suffered is the pin of the point; nothing of the history can be confidently portrayed; so, the monks are as if destined to suffer; well said, well done; post more. ALCREATOR LITT DEAR (D R)
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your involved, complimentary review. I am honored. ****In the early days in the Noviate we were under strict Monastic rule, like my story. We didn't have to be watch as we slept. But with the exception of primitive eating ware, and a solid 7 hours sleep, most everything else was the same. We had all kinds of penances & humiliations. I think I was trying to change things from within and our set or group did tell our'mistress' that kneeling & asking for prayer meant nothing to us. She eventually dropped that & begging for food &kneeling with broken items. We just thought it was all funny & would tease each other.
Then as thing for everyone, even my friend who just passed at 103. Imagine how many horrid years she had to do that stuff from age 17 to 1966...you do the math. She always grieved her dear friend that she could only secretly have. We couldn't have friends. Her friend passed before the 70's when friends we acceptable. I taught but was supposed to return to the convent. Monks & Nuns (female monks) could not leave. They had no reason to. After a while, it was about teaching & getting along with people. I ask myself why 28 years? I have no idea. I've kept friends with one of my 'nun-mates' & she has totally blocked the hard years. She says she doesn't remember anything. It's just as well. So , most of what I'm writing in my book is being therapeutic for me. I had my best secret friend (if they entered before us we could not be friends. but nun-mates could. Well of course you'd want to be friends with some of the older one. There should have been no reason why not. But it was forgiven & subject to a penance. Any way, the story I wrote about Zachary, happened with my friend. Just gone. She had told me she couldn't talk to me anymore at all. That broke my heart, then shortly later, she was gone. Oooof, I just realized I wrote at least a chapter's worth for your answer. I'm not a writer for nothing. I do this all of the time when someone asks me a question. Although I don't think you asked a question...lol ***Also, you are welcome to read previous chapter in my portfolio. No need for a review, just 'enjoy'
Comment from Carolyn Dooley
I am glad to hear this is fiction. It would be a terrible way to live. It would be a shame to fear getting things from people, that you had to eat quick or hide, and if found, you got into trouble. And to sleep in an uncomfortable bed would be terrible. It sounds like being in prison.
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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I am glad to hear this is fiction. It would be a terrible way to live. It would be a shame to fear getting things from people, that you had to eat quick or hide, and if found, you got into trouble. And to sleep in an uncomfortable bed would be terrible. It sounds like being in prison.
Comment Written 05-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 05-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad it had the impact as intended.
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You are welcome.
Comment from jessizero
I continue to be enthralled by the happenings in these tales of yours. Thank you again for sharing this story on FanStory. I look forward to learning what happens next.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2022
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I continue to be enthralled by the happenings in these tales of yours. Thank you again for sharing this story on FanStory. I look forward to learning what happens next.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your inspiring review. I'm glad you are appreciating.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An apt description of the religious beliefs of the middle ages. Discomfort and penance were in the forefront.
The pace is good. The images are clear. The dialogue is believable. The story stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2022
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An apt description of the religious beliefs of the middle ages. Discomfort and penance were in the forefront.
The pace is good. The images are clear. The dialogue is believable. The story stays on point.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2022
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Thank you for your inspiring review. I'm glad you are appreciating.
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ou are welcome.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is an interesting chapter, Liz. We're getting a glimpse, through the eyes of Madeline, of what it might have been like in a 15th century monastery. The suffering does seem rather extreme.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This is an interesting chapter, Liz. We're getting a glimpse, through the eyes of Madeline, of what it might have been like in a 15th century monastery. The suffering does seem rather extreme.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.
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I never before realized how bad this was. Thanks for the enlightenment, Liz.
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I got two 4's from two women who have given me 4's before. They wanted it to be a happier story. The problem of getting revenge, is I don't get revenge. I do love to watch movies about revenge. But, darnit, both ladies are excellent writers so I have to give them excellent reviews...bwaaa
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Your work is different than the norm, Liz and although the review is supposed to be based on the writing, not the theme, sometimes that's all they see. Did they give any good reasons for the low rating? I've had a few too.
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It wasn't cheerful enough. One said I use the word penance enough. I toldher, it was a vocabulary word constantly used in the Monastery. Even though we were free to leave the convent to teach, we were under monastic rule. The Monks & nuns, female monks, were not allowed to leave. There was no reason to leave.
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It appears she doesn't realize it's based on true facts. Oh well, can't win them all. lol
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Thank you for your understanding & support. I had to do a chant that sounds like 'gome' It clears the mind. So I'm beyond them at this point.
Hugs
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Good to hear. Hugs.
Comment from Leann DS
Overall, this is a very interesting story that has a lot of great potential. It seems to me that sometimes things were unnecessarily repeated over and over which could possibly be combined all in one place. For example, the idea of penance... That was mentioned many times, and may be more effective if only talked about once or twice. Just my thoughts.
I really liked it! It is a unique storyline that I found entertaining and interesting.
I hope this is helpful. Hugs and blessings.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Overall, this is a very interesting story that has a lot of great potential. It seems to me that sometimes things were unnecessarily repeated over and over which could possibly be combined all in one place. For example, the idea of penance... That was mentioned many times, and may be more effective if only talked about once or twice. Just my thoughts.
I really liked it! It is a unique storyline that I found entertaining and interesting.
I hope this is helpful. Hugs and blessings.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Penance was a vocabulary used. Maybe I should put that as a note.
Thank you for your involved review. I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, I hope that this "ticket expires" soon. It doesn't sound like a safe place to be for sure. I hope she can get back to today's time after learning what she needs to share with her companions.
Question:
Intended repetition?
These sentences "We have to quickly gobble up any gifted sweet biscuit or other delicacy. The grateful ones know giving us a pence or two, wouldn't be satisfying or gratifying for us. " appear four paragraphs after these same sentences after the ******
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Oh, I hope that this "ticket expires" soon. It doesn't sound like a safe place to be for sure. I hope she can get back to today's time after learning what she needs to share with her companions.
Question:
Intended repetition?
These sentences "We have to quickly gobble up any gifted sweet biscuit or other delicacy. The grateful ones know giving us a pence or two, wouldn't be satisfying or gratifying for us. " appear four paragraphs after these same sentences after the ******
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for the note about repetition.I will have to check that out. I've gotten two 4's. It is a rough story but much based on fact. Thank you for your involved review. I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.
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Oh! So terrible. God doesn't us to suffer. He suffered for us so that we could rejoice in Him and His salvation. I never understood why the Church takes the free gift of salvation through faith and make it into earning it through works!
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I agree. I guess I was trying to change things from within for 28 years..bwaaa. I never bought into any of the'brainwashing, which is why I was in trouble a lot...lol
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Who knows? Maybe God used you to start the changes. No suffering is wasted by Him. He knew where you could make a key difference. 💖
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I was one of our set, group who entered at the same time that told our 'mistress' leader that the stuff they did like asking for prayers and begging for food, didn't mean anything to it. we made jokes out of it. We did bring about some changes.
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💖
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This chapter has potential, but for the moment it reads more like a set of preliminary notes to me than a finished work. Notably, it seems to lack a story line linking the series of often unrelated sentences, and your Catch-22 situation is not obvious. Perhaps it might help both yourself and the reader if you detailed this, at least in the author notes. In terms of structure there are several repetitions and redundancies in the phrasing, and you have still not come to grips with your problem with comma use.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This chapter has potential, but for the moment it reads more like a set of preliminary notes to me than a finished work. Notably, it seems to lack a story line linking the series of often unrelated sentences, and your Catch-22 situation is not obvious. Perhaps it might help both yourself and the reader if you detailed this, at least in the author notes. In terms of structure there are several repetitions and redundancies in the phrasing, and you have still not come to grips with your problem with comma use.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.
Comment from aryr
This was an obvious great continuation chapter, Liz. This was indeed fantastic. I really feel for Madeline who is now reincarnated as Brother Samuel. The penance is really strict, I am surprised that the monks survived. Poor Zachary disappeared and then became an unspeakable one. Very well done and I really enjoyed this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This was an obvious great continuation chapter, Liz. This was indeed fantastic. I really feel for Madeline who is now reincarnated as Brother Samuel. The penance is really strict, I am surprised that the monks survived. Poor Zachary disappeared and then became an unspeakable one. Very well done and I really enjoyed this.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you. Once again your supportive review is salve for the wounds from getting two 4's. bwaaa
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You are so very welcome, Liz. I can't imagine you getting two 4's.
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The thought it should be more cheerful. Well, it wasn't.
I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.
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Oh my, that is so very wrong, Liz.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This chapter seems to be about the unpleasantness of being a monk and how much money was going to Rome without any mention of working in the garden, singing in unison, or any deep belief in God. Yes, she is just a visitor in a very uncomfortable situation, but surely there were a few things that were interesting if not good about the brotherhood. Gobble up sweet biscuit was used twice. Iwasa't--what is this? Repeat "As if he wasn't there... which might work. The line beginning "I don't know if maybe . . . isn't exactly a sentence. Your previous chapters had a certain amount of joy about new things occurring to them. This one not so much.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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This chapter seems to be about the unpleasantness of being a monk and how much money was going to Rome without any mention of working in the garden, singing in unison, or any deep belief in God. Yes, she is just a visitor in a very uncomfortable situation, but surely there were a few things that were interesting if not good about the brotherhood. Gobble up sweet biscuit was used twice. Iwasa't--what is this? Repeat "As if he wasn't there... which might work. The line beginning "I don't know if maybe . . . isn't exactly a sentence. Your previous chapters had a certain amount of joy about new things occurring to them. This one not so much.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I am showing people how difficult the monk and Sisters' lives were. I lived this life for 3 years. Then things finally relaxed for the Sisters anyway. Things were much slower for the monks. In the 60's the ones in Vermont were nearly starving, with no recreation or fun.