LDS Episode 2: Relatives
Love, Death + Santa9 total reviews
Comment from writer723
I really enjoyed reading your story. You have such a wonderful way with words and are quite adept at expressing yourself. I found this writing to be very interesting. It held my attention throughout. Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to visualize the scenario you were writing about. Your story really kept me in suspense. Excellent job!
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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I really enjoyed reading your story. You have such a wonderful way with words and are quite adept at expressing yourself. I found this writing to be very interesting. It held my attention throughout. Your vivid descriptions made it easy for me to visualize the scenario you were writing about. Your story really kept me in suspense. Excellent job!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
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Hey -- thank you so much for this. It means a lot coming from the contest sponsor AND from someone as talented and creative as you. This was a fun challenge - the more restrictions, the more rewarding it is to find a way around them. I haven't been writing much in a while here and am taking a bit of a hiatus to focus on work and a music project or two, but I might be back with an episode 3 around December : )
Comment from Theodore McDowell
Lol, I love your political humor that is grounded in wide-ranging knowledge. Your mind is definitely twisted and that makes from some outrageous insights and a romping good time. Your posts are best read after imbibing a pint of Jack Daniels or smoking a thick joint, lol.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Lol, I love your political humor that is grounded in wide-ranging knowledge. Your mind is definitely twisted and that makes from some outrageous insights and a romping good time. Your posts are best read after imbibing a pint of Jack Daniels or smoking a thick joint, lol.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2022
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Yeah it's bad. I go back and forth between this and writing silly postcards for my three-year-old nephew. Someday I will mix them up and get in big trouble with his mom. Your recipe sounds like an excellent meal plan to accompany the writing of my next upcoming political series. I was hoping to do the first entry today, but, the cement floor calls. Oh well. Thank you for this lovely review Theodore. It is exactly is the type of feedback I like to hear!
Comment from LyndaS
OMFG!! This is brilliant. I think this place calls these things abcdarians or some sort of wacky name. They make up lots of names for stuff here. The talent and time that went into this deserves more than six stars. This is funny as hell and you sent me to a damn dictionary which is always worthy of praise. My two favorite parts are...sealed with a sprig of juniper... and...gaped slack-jawed at the test results over the Zoom meeting while the more sober ones took notes. HAHA! This was a delight to read. I won't go into flow and usual boring shit cuz it was perfect. We need more trouble makers here. And trouble makers with talent are few and far between on this site. Extremely well done. Lynda
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022
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OMFG!! This is brilliant. I think this place calls these things abcdarians or some sort of wacky name. They make up lots of names for stuff here. The talent and time that went into this deserves more than six stars. This is funny as hell and you sent me to a damn dictionary which is always worthy of praise. My two favorite parts are...sealed with a sprig of juniper... and...gaped slack-jawed at the test results over the Zoom meeting while the more sober ones took notes. HAHA! This was a delight to read. I won't go into flow and usual boring shit cuz it was perfect. We need more trouble makers here. And trouble makers with talent are few and far between on this site. Extremely well done. Lynda
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much Lynda for this awesome, totally unexpected review. It feels like a big boost after all the criticism this piece got. I tried to reply days ago but the site ate it, and then I decided to wait until the new year when it would give me more reviewing nominations; crossing my fingers that the web server is on Eastern Standard or Central time. Yeah I have been experimenting with the hyper strict form you described, with actual sentences in Jockeying, and your review inspired me to use a stricter version of that form in this contest for New Years. Which has just arrived. Happy new year!
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Thank you so much Lynda for this awesome, totally unexpected review. It feels like a big boost after all the criticism this piece got. I tried to reply days ago but the site ate it, and then I decided to wait until the new year when it would give me more reviewing nominations; crossing my fingers that the web server is on Eastern Standard or Central time. Yeah I have been experimenting with the hyper strict form you described, with actual sentences in Jockeying, and your review inspired me to use a stricter version of that form in this contest for New Years. Which has just arrived. Happy new year!
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Thank you so much Lynda for this awesome, totally unexpected review. It feels like a big boost after all the criticism this piece got. I tried to reply days ago but the site ate it, and then I decided to wait until the new year when it would give me more reviewing nominations; crossing my fingers that the web server is on Eastern Standard or Central time. Yeah I have been experimenting with the hyper strict form you described, with actual sentences in Jockeying, and your review inspired me to use a stricter version of that form in this contest for New Years. Which has just arrived. Happy new year!
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Thank you so much Lynda for this awesome, totally unexpected review. It feels like a big boost after all the criticism this piece got. I tried to reply days ago but the site ate it, and then I decided to wait until the new year when it would give me more reviewing nominations; crossing my fingers that the web server is on Eastern Standard or Central time. Yeah I have been experimenting with the hyper strict form you described, with actual sentences in Jockeying, and your review inspired me to use a stricter version of that form in this contest for New Years. Which has just arrived. Happy new year!
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Thank you so much Lynda for this awesome, totally unexpected review. It feels like a big boost after all the criticism this piece got. I tried to reply days ago but the site ate it, and then I decided to wait until the new year when it would give me more reviewing nominations; crossing my fingers that the web server is on Eastern Standard or Central time. Yeah I have been experimenting with the hyper strict form you described, with actual sentences in Jockeying, and your review inspired me to use a stricter version of that form in this contest for New Years. Which has just arrived. Happy new year!
Comment from DragonSkulls
Hahahahaha. I simply can't believe the trolls on here that want to nit pick about any damn thing they want because they didn't like it. WOW. That is plain out BS. Yeah, I came across this gem looking through your portfolio so I saw the reviews. Unbelievable. This was hilarious and very well though out. There are way too many great lines in this. The one I liked best was where R inseminated the DNA test. LOL. The whole thing was a blast. I doubt this sixer will get you back up to an overall six where it rightfully should be but hopefully it'll help. Great write. I wish you the best of luck in the contest...if they don't disqualify it for whatever reason they find fit to do so. Oh, and if I might join too. Lol. Then you can take second. Haha. Excellent piece.
DS
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Hahahahaha. I simply can't believe the trolls on here that want to nit pick about any damn thing they want because they didn't like it. WOW. That is plain out BS. Yeah, I came across this gem looking through your portfolio so I saw the reviews. Unbelievable. This was hilarious and very well though out. There are way too many great lines in this. The one I liked best was where R inseminated the DNA test. LOL. The whole thing was a blast. I doubt this sixer will get you back up to an overall six where it rightfully should be but hopefully it'll help. Great write. I wish you the best of luck in the contest...if they don't disqualify it for whatever reason they find fit to do so. Oh, and if I might join too. Lol. Then you can take second. Haha. Excellent piece.
DS
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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DS -- I would be THRILLED if you entered the contest and even more excited if you take first. The contest badly needs more entries. The scene of the crash landing in the Hindu temple was inspired by your Walmart helicopter incident. And I see your newest piece has a midget. Well played. Yes, a troll or two can keep things exciting. The second one actually gave me an idea for a future identity crisis. The first one, hopefully, is not out for revenge after I called them out on the non-review.
And thank you for this marvelous review. It takes so much time to review enough stuff to get readers, that anything over two reviews is a real treat but if I can make YOU laugh, it was well worth the effort.
Rudolph
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Yeah, I had a good laugh. Not many on here have a great sense of twisted humor. I'm glad to see you came along.
Not sure if I have enough time for a second one today. I work at night and I'm already a few shots of vodka in, so that looks doubtful. I have a stupid idea for it though but don't think I'll get it done before I need to crash. Plus, I already have the one I'm voting for...if this place doesn't unfairly threaten to disqualify it. Lol. It was great. Thanks for the chuckles.
DS
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Man I could go for vodka shots right now, or Irish whiskey, to get through tomorrow. Yesterday was a hell of a long travel day, followed by a long factory shift. Yeah two good pieces in a day (beyond haikus) takes a lot of energy and the good stuff often needs a little time and background noise to percolate. This week I just need to catch up on South Park and find a new job. Have you ever gotten paid for your writing? (Outside this site)
Comment from Ricky1024
The first thing you need to realize when you're writing anything is to research your subject correctly.
It's a known fact that it's impossible to have male reindeer during the holidays.
Hence all of the reindeer on Santa's sleigh are incorrect at being male.
Their antlers will not be completely formed till after the holidays.
So that makes basically your entire writing false and untrue.
Otherwise I could find really nothing wrong with the grammar except for of course the selective words which aren't really very appropriate when we're talking about something that children enjoy
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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The first thing you need to realize when you're writing anything is to research your subject correctly.
It's a known fact that it's impossible to have male reindeer during the holidays.
Hence all of the reindeer on Santa's sleigh are incorrect at being male.
Their antlers will not be completely formed till after the holidays.
So that makes basically your entire writing false and untrue.
Otherwise I could find really nothing wrong with the grammar except for of course the selective words which aren't really very appropriate when we're talking about something that children enjoy
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 28-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Reindeer also don't fly, which is why mine hijacked an airplane. There are many proprietary things that happen in Santa's village and Santa's reindeer may or may not drink soy, receive special spa treatments, and daily pop homeopathic medicine pills to extend their antler season. Or they might be "transitioning". I really don't know; you'll have to ask Chelsea Manning. This story, as indicated in the disclaimers, is not for children. Thanks for stopping by and take care!
Comment from Hesed Abraham
This is excellent! I say one of your best works so far. Very funny, concise yet descriptive and alliterative (if you're doing all the alliterations without looking them up, extra points!!!). I have a lot more good things to say, but unfortunately I'm sick, so I shall attempt to write them later. But still wanted to give you a six which you deserve for this
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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This is excellent! I say one of your best works so far. Very funny, concise yet descriptive and alliterative (if you're doing all the alliterations without looking them up, extra points!!!). I have a lot more good things to say, but unfortunately I'm sick, so I shall attempt to write them later. But still wanted to give you a six which you deserve for this
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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Hesed I am so sorry to hear you are sick. Is it Covid!? It's the popular new thing to get, I hear. Thank you so much for this awesome sixer. I sure need them to balance out the troll reviews. I did mooooost of these without looking, but definitely did some research by the time I got to Z, haha.
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Hesed I am so sorry to hear you are sick. Is it Covid!? It's the popular new thing to get, I hear. Thank you so much for this awesome sixer. I sure need them to balance out the troll reviews. I did mooooost of these without looking, but definitely did some research by the time I got to Z, haha.
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Thank you. It is Covid but starting to feel better thankfully. Be careful out there, it's all over. Don't listen to the trolls. I think some folks are too rigid with their interpretation of the rules.
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Hesed I am so sorry to hear you are sick. Is it Covid!? It's the popular new thing to get, I hear. Thank you so much for this awesome sixer. I sure need them to balance out the troll reviews. I did mooooost of these without looking, but definitely did some research by the time I got to Z, haha.
Comment from nor84
This story is absolutely off-topic. Rules are to Write a story about a character who takes an ancestry DNA test. After learning the results, the character visits newly discovered relatives in an ancestral country. What happens when he/she travels abroad? 200 - 700 words.
1. Ancestry DNA tests require membership in Ancestry. Rudolph is not a human and could not qualify for a DNA test.
2. There is no human made-up character who visits newly discovered relatives in an ancestral country.
3. I did not check word count to see whether it's between 200 to 700 words.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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This story is absolutely off-topic. Rules are to Write a story about a character who takes an ancestry DNA test. After learning the results, the character visits newly discovered relatives in an ancestral country. What happens when he/she travels abroad? 200 - 700 words.
1. Ancestry DNA tests require membership in Ancestry. Rudolph is not a human and could not qualify for a DNA test.
2. There is no human made-up character who visits newly discovered relatives in an ancestral country.
3. I did not check word count to see whether it's between 200 to 700 words.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2021
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Greetings troll! I see you finally took a break from trolling poor Stuart Witt and found a defenseless minority to taunt. Are you from the CCP or the **C? I bow down and worship your expectations of appropriateness.
Since you very well might be in one of these two groups for all I know: when "educating" wet-behind-the-ears miscreants, exercising your perceived rights to moderate a contest that does not concern you, just because you have been here longer than us, it is wise to read the rules yourself, which explicitly specify a CHARACTER, not a human.
This contest is fiction and in my fictional world -- although actually not far off from reality -- Rudolph took a DNA test which revealed he is related to the water buffalo. Plus I actually happen to know a FAMILY in real life whose last name is Rudolph so put that in your pipe and smoke it, troll.
Now, I was going to give you a reviewing nomination to stretch the sarcasm. As I only have one left for the month, and you were TOO LAZY to do your homework, I am going to be sincere instead and that nomination is going to a reviewer who added wonderful encouragement and a lot of valuable feedback to my entry: Jay. But I am required by certain asinine powers to say, "thank you for your review".
I am sorry that Christmas is a sad time of year for you. Instead of taking it out on us, why not go give Stuart Witt some constructive and helpful feedback, which, clearly, from some of your previous reviews you do know how to do. But if you need a refresher on what that looks like, read Jay's reviews! And realize that I and many others here appreciate accurate, thoughtful, constructive feedback. Please do that next time.
Sincerely,
Rudolph (deputized to speak on behalf of the author)
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This attack does not merit a response.
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Then kindly mind your own business and stop initiating these sorts of attacks in the first place.
Comment from Jay Squires
I could tell with the very first paragraph that I was reading the words of an accomplished writer. That can't be hidden under the contest's forced anonymity. You are good. After the contest ends, please let me know who you are so I can follow you. You have a delicious sense of irony.
Two things I'll mention generally. First, I don't at all believe you should have the "Adult" rating for this. It limits your readership, and it's not at all needed. Secondly, on something this short, please consider increasing the font size to 14 or 16. You won't lose readers who prefer not to squint. (I download to word and increase the size for my benefit, but some will just pass it by rather than go to the trouble. This is too good to let that happen.
Now, a few notes I made as I read along. Some will have already been noted and probably corrected by now. I downloaded it last night and am just now reading it, Christmas morning. Here goes, though:
Rudolph, relishing warm wassail, [Lovely use of a word not ofen used today, but so fitting and alliterative. Great job!]
whether he really was related with raindeer, [... related to REINDEER. I noticed you spelled it correctly a few sentences hence, but later on, you resorted to "raindeer" again.]
a Theranos Edison machine [Another excellent use for a relatively obscure term (But with a fascinating history to any, like myself, who Googled it).
velves nearby were decapitated by his nose laser. [I'm assuming ELVES]
the black buffalo wetbacks. [Ha! Not lost on the reader]
Superb job. I wish I had a six to award this. Oh, I wanted to ask you ... when you have time can you PM me how you manage the link in the body of the text. I've never been able to do that (being non-techy). It's very effective ... as long as it opens the subject in a new window and the reader's not taken away from the story.
Best wishes in the contest ... and have a wonderful Christmas day today!
Jay
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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I could tell with the very first paragraph that I was reading the words of an accomplished writer. That can't be hidden under the contest's forced anonymity. You are good. After the contest ends, please let me know who you are so I can follow you. You have a delicious sense of irony.
Two things I'll mention generally. First, I don't at all believe you should have the "Adult" rating for this. It limits your readership, and it's not at all needed. Secondly, on something this short, please consider increasing the font size to 14 or 16. You won't lose readers who prefer not to squint. (I download to word and increase the size for my benefit, but some will just pass it by rather than go to the trouble. This is too good to let that happen.
Now, a few notes I made as I read along. Some will have already been noted and probably corrected by now. I downloaded it last night and am just now reading it, Christmas morning. Here goes, though:
Rudolph, relishing warm wassail, [Lovely use of a word not ofen used today, but so fitting and alliterative. Great job!]
whether he really was related with raindeer, [... related to REINDEER. I noticed you spelled it correctly a few sentences hence, but later on, you resorted to "raindeer" again.]
a Theranos Edison machine [Another excellent use for a relatively obscure term (But with a fascinating history to any, like myself, who Googled it).
velves nearby were decapitated by his nose laser. [I'm assuming ELVES]
the black buffalo wetbacks. [Ha! Not lost on the reader]
Superb job. I wish I had a six to award this. Oh, I wanted to ask you ... when you have time can you PM me how you manage the link in the body of the text. I've never been able to do that (being non-techy). It's very effective ... as long as it opens the subject in a new window and the reader's not taken away from the story.
Best wishes in the contest ... and have a wonderful Christmas day today!
Jay
Comment Written 25-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2021
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Jay, your wonderful review was a real surprise and made my Christmas morning. Thank you so much. You have the unique ability (probably more of a discipline really) to simultaneously offer much needed adjustment, while finding the good. I adopted your excellent suggestions immediately. The only one I have not decided on is what spelling I will use for reindeer. I started with the correct one, then started changing it (a sophomoric attempt to relate them more conspicuously to the water buffalo) but was less than thorough, and after your review I changed them all to raindeer. Now I am thinking of doing it totally haphazardly, just to troll the trolls who have showed up. If that is not sophomoric, I don't know what is as it will just distract from the narrative, although I have an idea for incorporating the spelling indecisiveness in a future episode after foreshadowing it here.
Yes after the contest is over I will send you another message with my identity : ) There will be more entries in this series. Hopefully they will be entertaining, and hopefully they will not get me muted again or banned. I just have to find a another strict and arbitrary writing form and a contest of some sort to push the story along. I was erring on the side of caution before Christmas because of the muting DragonSkulls and I received in the same contest.
Oh yeah, here is how to do a hyperlink that opens in a separate tab:
=> <a href="http://www.google.com" target="_blank">your link text goes here</a> <=
Which renders as:
=> your link text goes here <=
Make sure to always use straight quotes when editing the HTML. Curved quotes will break the code, just like it breaks in the basic editor and shows up as funny characters after being saved. You can avoid curved quotes by doing all your editing in Microsoft notepad, which sucks,
OR you can write in Word, copy into notepad and add your links there,
OR you can download Notepad++, an excellent editor used by coders everywhere, and do the same thing there as mentioned above,
OR you can build your own hyperlinks in Word using their editing feature specifically for that (I haven't tried pasting links from Word into FS to test if this works),
OR (simple hack option) since you are using Word you can just CTRL+Z every time it inserts a curved quote and it will undo the smart quote adjustment and leave it as a straight quote. But don't paste that into the advanced editor as it will not render your markup. You want to do all of this in the basic editor.
Once your piece has been opened once in the advanced editor, it will always default to opening in the advanced editor and you need to remember to ALWAYS SAVE IN THE BASIC EDITOR on FanStory once you are editing markup. The basic editor will double up your line breaks every time you save in the advanced editor, which is annoying, and may mess up some of your code (but should not change basic image and link code). Over time you will just get used to it and it is wise to save your edits offline. But if you do make edits in the advanced editor and then toggle back to basic, you will see exactly what it is doing in the advanced editor, which is useful for learning. The editor uses span tags, because it is old, and divs are better but you can use either.
You will also probably want to edit your font size up by putting these wrappers at the beginning and end of your entire piece (again, in the basic editor):
<div style="font-size:16px;">
Put
all your
text
here
</div>
Wrapping is nested, so you can have tags inside tags, and the inside tags generally inherit the attributes of the parent tags unless they actively override them. Attributes are those words like target,
href, and style above. Within the style attribute is a whole world of formatting tricks far more powerful than what Word offers.
Check out w3schools.com for more! The one thing I have not figured out yet is how to add new fonts on this site, as the ones in the advanced editor are quite limited. I have an idea to try out though and if it works you will see it soon…
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You took an enormous amount of time to write out all these instructions. Thank you so much for that. I hope it wasn't wasted on a dunderhead. You don't know how little I understand of coding. Or anything, for that matter, except grammar. I pasted it into word as a formula, omitting the => and <= on either end of it.
I sent a PM to a friend on FS with a link added to your formula to see if it works for her. She'll get back with me to let me know. Then I'll let you know.
Again, thanks hugely,
Jay
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You are welcome. HTML is more of a syntax than it is programming. Just think of it as grammar for your web browser, arbitrated by a stickler nun with a delicate stomach, which if you get it wrong will vomit on your writing paper but stays contained to a corner of the classroom. Bad programming on the other hand can burn down the cathedral with everyone inside.
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Wow! That is brilliant! Afraid the nun rapped me on the knuckles for catching me looking at her legs. I pasted my link as you directed, thus, https://tinyurl.com/fakf5dax and it took me to Google home page. I'll play around with it again. Damn Nun!
Comment from Allezw2
Curiosities extant: raindeer, reindeer, spring of juniper, bias injecting politics and ethnicity, drunken midget, conflicting terminal destinations, Resurrected the tiny reindeer sacrificed to the barbie, or was Rudolph integrated into your octagon?
Who actually drank the spiked eggnog, the character or yourself?
Well, it is an interesting exercise to run down its full length.
I hope you had fun.
Live long and write well, Fantasist.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Curiosities extant: raindeer, reindeer, spring of juniper, bias injecting politics and ethnicity, drunken midget, conflicting terminal destinations, Resurrected the tiny reindeer sacrificed to the barbie, or was Rudolph integrated into your octagon?
Who actually drank the spiked eggnog, the character or yourself?
Well, it is an interesting exercise to run down its full length.
I hope you had fun.
Live long and write well, Fantasist.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2021
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Dasher is still dead (I can't share the previous episode here as this is a blind review) so excluding Olive, yes, Rudolph makes it eight. Excellent catches above; I have made some small adjustments. I thought "drunken" sounded funnier, and it is a reference to a historic Disney foie pas. It was an interesting exercise, appropriate to where it was written (traveling through Philly Airport) which may have been a factor in the inspiration. Thanks for this eminently useful review.
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You are quite welcome.