The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Shed"Adventures around & upon a hill
10 total reviews
Comment from Mary Shifman
You certainly have a knack for cliffhangers! I'm dying to know what Bob told Madeline. It must be something terrible, or at least pretty dramatic for the energy to linger.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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You certainly have a knack for cliffhangers! I'm dying to know what Bob told Madeline. It must be something terrible, or at least pretty dramatic for the energy to linger.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Thank you for being so loyal. It was very eerie.
Comment from lancellot
Very interesting. These seem to be psychics. They can feel what deep emotions happened before and pick up on the lingering energy left behind. This is a well written chapter. I like the theme. It is not one you see a lot. Great potential.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Very interesting. These seem to be psychics. They can feel what deep emotions happened before and pick up on the lingering energy left behind. This is a well written chapter. I like the theme. It is not one you see a lot. Great potential.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. It is based on much of my experience in England about 20 years ago. The only part that did not quite happen is in a much later chapter. You will recognize it when we get there.
Comment from Cass Carlton
This is an interesting story set in a different time and space where they use music as a healing therapy in hospitals. The characters are well drawn and believable, with clear, unpretentious dialogue between them. I find the concept of sound therapy most interesting. I am reminded of lullabyes to put babies to sleep and also of old, frail heads drowsing off to sleep after a sweetly sung hymn has calmed their thoughts. Yes, indeed.
cheers Cass
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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This is an interesting story set in a different time and space where they use music as a healing therapy in hospitals. The characters are well drawn and believable, with clear, unpretentious dialogue between them. I find the concept of sound therapy most interesting. I am reminded of lullabyes to put babies to sleep and also of old, frail heads drowsing off to sleep after a sweetly sung hymn has calmed their thoughts. Yes, indeed.
cheers Cass
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. I hope you continue to follow this story.
Comment from Ramona Scarborough
Liz,
I'm glad I'm able to continue your story. I liked some of your phrases like:
"Staring into a window of the past," "taking one wooden step after another." Thank you for including names, relationships, and word meanings at the end.
You mentioned Cordelia "Becoming animated." What did her face look like? Was she speaking faster?
I would have liked a transition between them being in the cottage and then being outside. Is this part of being ambiguous? What about the walking sticks, where did they come from? Did they pick up a branch or something? Did you mean surrounding land? How are the items seen in the showcase window arranged? On a shelf? pasted to the window? Maybe I'm too literal and just don't understand where you are going.
I like the theme of knowing and sensing things that other people miss or do not understand. Maybe that's me.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2021
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Liz,
I'm glad I'm able to continue your story. I liked some of your phrases like:
"Staring into a window of the past," "taking one wooden step after another." Thank you for including names, relationships, and word meanings at the end.
You mentioned Cordelia "Becoming animated." What did her face look like? Was she speaking faster?
I would have liked a transition between them being in the cottage and then being outside. Is this part of being ambiguous? What about the walking sticks, where did they come from? Did they pick up a branch or something? Did you mean surrounding land? How are the items seen in the showcase window arranged? On a shelf? pasted to the window? Maybe I'm too literal and just don't understand where you are going.
I like the theme of knowing and sensing things that other people miss or do not understand. Maybe that's me.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2021
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Thank you for involved review. I am intuitive as opposed to sensate, to a fault, on the Myers Briggs. I unfortunately don't notice details. A friend will ask me, "Did you notice I change the curtains?" Sadly, I have to say, "No. But I could tell if you were depressed or upset in any way." This is a good reminder for me. You probably are highly sensate, a quality envied by many intuitives. Balance, of course is the ideal.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. It took me a while to get into the gist of the piece. Soon, however, I sensed the ESP vib of the narrative. The pace is good. The dialogue is believable. The narrative flows well.
This part ends well with a hook to keep the reader interested. I feel a time period of late 19th to early 20th century. I don't know if this is intended, but it comes through rather strongly.
Thanks for a good read.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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An interesting story. It took me a while to get into the gist of the piece. Soon, however, I sensed the ESP vib of the narrative. The pace is good. The dialogue is believable. The narrative flows well.
This part ends well with a hook to keep the reader interested. I feel a time period of late 19th to early 20th century. I don't know if this is intended, but it comes through rather strongly.
Thanks for a good read.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. We are in old energy & it frightenly gets even older.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting chapter that you broke a the best place on a cliffhanger. I've never heard of harp therapy so that part is also interesting.
Only thing I did notice is that you said the time difference was 5 hours but that would make it 4:00 p.m. Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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This is an interesting chapter that you broke a the best place on a cliffhanger. I've never heard of harp therapy so that part is also interesting.
Only thing I did notice is that you said the time difference was 5 hours but that would make it 4:00 p.m. Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your involved review. Someone else caught the math error of time difference to. That's going to have to be noted in a future chapter. I can write a book, but I can't do math. I use a picture of a face clock usually, especially when calling my Australian friend from this group. I count 3 hours from my present time. So say it is 11pm I count 3 hours & get 2 so I know it is 2pm tomorrow for her. I should be better at finding England time. I talk to another writer from there. Math...ugh
Comment from Eunice Amero
I didn't get all the story but it sounds like it was good. So one of the girls knew what was causing the feeling they got when they got to the cobbin. They started feeling weird. Keep up the good work. Good luck
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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I didn't get all the story but it sounds like it was good. So one of the girls knew what was causing the feeling they got when they got to the cobbin. They started feeling weird. Keep up the good work. Good luck
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your effort to catch up for the review. You are welcome to go to my portfolio to catch up. There is no need for a review, just enjoy.
Comment from SimianSavant
**upgrading review a star since recommended edits have been attended to. I realized I missed a spot:
'It will feel good to get away from some of the heaviness. <= looks like there should be a double quote, not a single.**
Original review below:
Interesting story! I found some text edits. Fix them and shoot me back a message and I will revise up to a 5. Thanks!
Knowing me very well, I sometimes went far away, without physically moving, she tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. <= run-on sentence. You might put *I sometimes ... physically moving* in parentheses, or you might just say *knowing that I sometimes went far away* etc
Something went on here. Either inside some of these cottages or outside on the surround lands." <= the second sentence is a fragment. I suggest replacing the first period with a comma to bridge the two sentences.
We did not know why at that moment, but **typo; looks like "but" should be "we" ** would discover the source, <= eliminate this comma
We were as puzzled as you may be. <= breaking the narrative wall is a strong gesture!
Don't forget to mention in the last sentence that a hungry bear appeared at the cottage and devoured them both whole, to complete the circadian rhythms of doom. Just kidding!! Sorry, my inner Tourette's kicks in sometimes.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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**upgrading review a star since recommended edits have been attended to. I realized I missed a spot:
'It will feel good to get away from some of the heaviness. <= looks like there should be a double quote, not a single.**
Original review below:
Interesting story! I found some text edits. Fix them and shoot me back a message and I will revise up to a 5. Thanks!
Knowing me very well, I sometimes went far away, without physically moving, she tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention. <= run-on sentence. You might put *I sometimes ... physically moving* in parentheses, or you might just say *knowing that I sometimes went far away* etc
Something went on here. Either inside some of these cottages or outside on the surround lands." <= the second sentence is a fragment. I suggest replacing the first period with a comma to bridge the two sentences.
We did not know why at that moment, but **typo; looks like "but" should be "we" ** would discover the source, <= eliminate this comma
We were as puzzled as you may be. <= breaking the narrative wall is a strong gesture!
Don't forget to mention in the last sentence that a hungry bear appeared at the cottage and devoured them both whole, to complete the circadian rhythms of doom. Just kidding!! Sorry, my inner Tourette's kicks in sometimes.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your supportive review. I have attended to all your helpful suggestions.
Comment from aryr
Wow, what a great continuation chapter, Liz. I am so glad that the ladies are having such an adventure. They do need time to reset their time and thoughts. It was interesting that Cordelia being an inner dowser was tuned into Bob's thoughts. Madeline and Cordelia were both affected by the spirits. This was very well done and greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Wow, what a great continuation chapter, Liz. I am so glad that the ladies are having such an adventure. They do need time to reset their time and thoughts. It was interesting that Cordelia being an inner dowser was tuned into Bob's thoughts. Madeline and Cordelia were both affected by the spirits. This was very well done and greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your ever faithful support and appreciation of my writing style. Did you figure out what Cordelia knew? That's in the next chapter.
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You are so very welcome, Liz.
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***hugs***
Comment from lyenochka
But now I'm curious. What did Cordelia say? We know she's gifted so we knew she'd be right. Now it feels like mystery placed in history.
Question:
My watch says '11:00', so it must be 3:00 in the afternoon here. (If it's five hours ahead, shouldn't it be 4 in the afternoon?)
One spag:
take one wooden steps after another, (step)
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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But now I'm curious. What did Cordelia say? We know she's gifted so we knew she'd be right. Now it feels like mystery placed in history.
Question:
My watch says '11:00', so it must be 3:00 in the afternoon here. (If it's five hours ahead, shouldn't it be 4 in the afternoon?)
One spag:
take one wooden steps after another, (step)
Comment Written 09-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2021
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Thank you for your great review. I love your expression: "Now it feels like mystery placed in history." that my personal math problem. Maybe we'Il work that in later. I need a face clock to figure that out. I use it when I'm calling mabaker in Australia. I count 3 hours after my time and then put it tomorrow. For instance, it's 11 pm so it is 2pm tomorrow. Math...eeek
