The Perfect Day
Family Story (fiction) contest entry7 total reviews
Comment from SimianSavant
Only thing I'm not sure about is whether your mansion was a foreshadowing of the heavenly mansion. While frolicking about in the heavens with Cecil the Lion, I have so far been able to find it. Maybe I went to the wrong heaven.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Only thing I'm not sure about is whether your mansion was a foreshadowing of the heavenly mansion. While frolicking about in the heavens with Cecil the Lion, I have so far been able to find it. Maybe I went to the wrong heaven.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2021
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Lol. If it wasn't clear, I was mocking this contest too. Haha. I do that a lot on here. Thank you for the generous sixer, friend. I'm sure, seeing as how we both actually appreciate twisted humor, you'd find a a few gems in my portfolio. It's full of stupid crap. Haha. I'm glad you liked this one. Thanks again.
=]
Ron
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Clear to most, but hilariously not to some. I will share some of your writing with my Amazon coworkers on our shitty short breaks. I just wrote one on literal crap though it is kinda lame with all the explaining. I wanted it to make it to booth so all the conservatives had to read it. Currently working on a new piece, "Kamala shoots up".
Comment from LisaMay
Errrk! What an exaggeratedly twee family outing. Thank god you killed them off and sent them to heaven for their picnic. Nice to know it's possible to get on with everyone when we're dead... better late than never, I guess.
You got my vote with this piece of non-shit (by the way, what happened to your pot plant?)
Also, I concur with Liz's comment regarding 'my family and me' should be 'my family and I' in this particular instance.
The reason: when the personal pronoun is the object of a sentence it is 'me', and when it is the subject of a sentence it is 'I'.... for example:
...after the car crash that took my family and me last night,... (occurring after the action verb)
and occurring before the action verb it would be
... when my family and I were taken after the car crash last night...
The test is to read over the sentence omiting 'my family and'. You'll then see if it makes sense with 'I' or 'me'.
after the car crash that took I last night (doesn't sound right)
as opposed to
after the car crash that took me last night (correct)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Errrk! What an exaggeratedly twee family outing. Thank god you killed them off and sent them to heaven for their picnic. Nice to know it's possible to get on with everyone when we're dead... better late than never, I guess.
You got my vote with this piece of non-shit (by the way, what happened to your pot plant?)
Also, I concur with Liz's comment regarding 'my family and me' should be 'my family and I' in this particular instance.
The reason: when the personal pronoun is the object of a sentence it is 'me', and when it is the subject of a sentence it is 'I'.... for example:
...after the car crash that took my family and me last night,... (occurring after the action verb)
and occurring before the action verb it would be
... when my family and I were taken after the car crash last night...
The test is to read over the sentence omiting 'my family and'. You'll then see if it makes sense with 'I' or 'me'.
after the car crash that took I last night (doesn't sound right)
as opposed to
after the car crash that took me last night (correct)
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Wow, thank you for the awesome review and big sixer, Lisa. I went ahead and changed it to 'me.' I just deleted that ridiculous plant entry because it was failing miserably. I dearly appreciate the big six and support. Yeah, I couldn't write a story without having somebody dead in it. lol Thank again.
=]
Ron
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Haha... you killed that plant before it died of natural causes.
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Hahaha. Yep.
Comment from Patty Palmer
I loved reading this story. It was pleasant reading and it kept my interest the entire way through. The ending was a total surprise and that's what made your story so grand. Wonderful to have had that perfect day in Heaven. It just makes sense. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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I loved reading this story. It was pleasant reading and it kept my interest the entire way through. The ending was a total surprise and that's what made your story so grand. Wonderful to have had that perfect day in Heaven. It just makes sense. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 25-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much for the fantastic review and giant sixer, Patty. Yeah, I like throwing twists into most of my stories. I really appreciate the gracious stars and the kind comments. I'm glad you liked the piece and thank you again.
Ron
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
I hadn't seen this coming. No wonder the in-laws got along--a day in heaven brings out the best in all. Stunning punchline.
the car crash that {took my family and I=>ME] (consider: it took ... me)
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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I hadn't seen this coming. No wonder the in-laws got along--a day in heaven brings out the best in all. Stunning punchline.
the car crash that {took my family and I=>ME] (consider: it took ... me)
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Thank you stopping in and the great review, Elizabeth. I'm not sure about using the I or Me rule. For some weird reason my family and me doesn't sound right to me. Any chance I can get you to elaborate and fill me in on why I right there isn't correct? I never did that well in grammar. lol I'm glad you liked my little twist at the end and appreciate the generous stars. Have yourself a great day.
Ron
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Mentally delete "my family and"
Per my parenthetical: you'll end up with "the crash that took ... ME--you'd never say the crash that took I.
Comment from Tina Crute
I was thinking that your story was a little too good to be true...then wham! It was and it wasn't! They are in heaven. My heart did a flip flop at the end.
Tina
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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I was thinking that your story was a little too good to be true...then wham! It was and it wasn't! They are in heaven. My heart did a flip flop at the end.
Tina
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Tina. Yeah, I had to make it all sound over the top. lol I appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked the piece. Have a great Thanksgiving.
Ron
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Yes, I can see how you set the reader up for a shock. Great technique! You have a nice Thanksgiving, too!
Tina
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This General Fiction, Family Story (fiction) contest entry, speaks about the perfect day; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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This General Fiction, Family Story (fiction) contest entry, speaks about the perfect day; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this and nice reviewing this legible post on white background, post more, fast, time is limited, precious, rare (good) gift, I, DR, wrote 114 books, R 123300/N21. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2021
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Wow. 114 books. You've been busy. Yes, time is short here, that's for sure. Thank you for the great review and generous stars, Dr. Al. I'm glad you liked the piece.
Ron
Comment from SoulRiver
A very good engaging story with a good flow and very likeable characters. The twist at the end was great and took a little of the 'sugary' sweet perfection out of the previous scenes. All the best of luck for the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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A very good engaging story with a good flow and very likeable characters. The twist at the end was great and took a little of the 'sugary' sweet perfection out of the previous scenes. All the best of luck for the contest.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
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Lol. Yeah, it all had to be over the top, sugary perfect. Haha. Thank you for the great review and good luck wishes, SoulRiver.