Incident on a Lonely Highway
A woman on a lonely highway has a fender bender.43 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
You draw the reader in with your first strong sensory paragraph: "A light rain ...caresses my cheek. Your allusion may be a foreshadowing. You have the reader's attention. It's interesting how we thought the woman was the victim. I, from my experience kept waiting for an assault. This has a great surprise ending.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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You draw the reader in with your first strong sensory paragraph: "A light rain ...caresses my cheek. Your allusion may be a foreshadowing. You have the reader's attention. It's interesting how we thought the woman was the victim. I, from my experience kept waiting for an assault. This has a great surprise ending.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2022
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I actually published this in a book about our local area. No payment, as it was a club project to raise money for our museum. One thing I should have done but didn't think of: Put it in a site contest. Everyone loved it and it probably could have brought me $100 real dollars. I'm glad you liked it too. Thanks for reviewing and commenting.
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Even if you tweeked it a bit and had it just a real plot, like they were going to rob him or kill him because her husband was a 'gun for hire' or some other predatory purpose...you could republish. There are all kinds of magazines looking for stories or other contests. The reason I say tweek it, is because they ask if it's ever been published before.
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Thanks, Liz.
Comment from Paul McFarland
Great story. As it rolls along, you know something unusual is going to happen, but even with Adonis at the start, I didn't expect the clever ending. Well done.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Great story. As it rolls along, you know something unusual is going to happen, but even with Adonis at the start, I didn't expect the clever ending. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Thanks for your review, Paul. Much appreciated. I'm glad I had you fooled.
Comment from karenina
I am so angry at myself for doling out my weekly stipend of six stars JUST before I came to his fantastic write! I was thinking, as I read how smoothly you unravel the tale...how conversational, almost as though we two were sharing a coffee and you were relating this event. So I sat back and relaxed, enjoying your keen descriptions, your wry wit woven within...then BAM! Vampire! Vlad?! With a wry and witty retort no less?
Here I was thinking how dangerous it would be for a woman to let a stranger into her car and bring him home.
I was right. It was VERY dangerous...for Adonis!
Excellent!
Karenina
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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I am so angry at myself for doling out my weekly stipend of six stars JUST before I came to his fantastic write! I was thinking, as I read how smoothly you unravel the tale...how conversational, almost as though we two were sharing a coffee and you were relating this event. So I sat back and relaxed, enjoying your keen descriptions, your wry wit woven within...then BAM! Vampire! Vlad?! With a wry and witty retort no less?
Here I was thinking how dangerous it would be for a woman to let a stranger into her car and bring him home.
I was right. It was VERY dangerous...for Adonis!
Excellent!
Karenina
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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I am angry with myself for not dropping this into a contest that paid real money. Well, too late now. It was fun to write and so was reading the reactions of my readers who had no idea where I was going with this. Appreciate your review. Thanks.
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Oh! Well....lucky everyone else, because I think this would have been a real money winner! I even read it to my husband! Let me just say he still considers Dark Shadows the greatest TV show ever....vampires are SO his thing! He never saw the end coming either! He's now YOUR biggest fan!
Karenina
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Wow! Tell your husband "hi" then.
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I will!
K
Comment from Wendy G
Wow! What an ending! Never expected that at all! Skilful writing in diverting us with cunning deception the whole way through. Impressive.
Well done.
Wendy
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Wow! What an ending! Never expected that at all! Skilful writing in diverting us with cunning deception the whole way through. Impressive.
Well done.
Wendy
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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I'm glad you liked it. I had a lot of fun writing this and it's fooled a lot of readers.
Comment from Versch
I thought all along it was the guy who is the baddie. Well, maybe he has his own agenda but he'll never have time now. That was an excellent twist in the ending. I was hooked from beginning to end. It has an element of humor too at the end in terms of food, like Greek, Italian, Indian (cuisines), this made me smile.
Perfect and powerful narratives and the dialogues are realistic. Fantastic writing!
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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I thought all along it was the guy who is the baddie. Well, maybe he has his own agenda but he'll never have time now. That was an excellent twist in the ending. I was hooked from beginning to end. It has an element of humor too at the end in terms of food, like Greek, Italian, Indian (cuisines), this made me smile.
Perfect and powerful narratives and the dialogues are realistic. Fantastic writing!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
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Versch, there is no bigger compliment than "Fantastic writing." Thanks for your review and comments and for the six stars.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Love the story. You give info at an excellent rate and when she lets him in her car, all reader's probably think she IS after all empty-headed like the cliched romantic female. Then you pull out the stops and SURPRISE. Hope you can get this published; it should be.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Love the story. You give info at an excellent rate and when she lets him in her car, all reader's probably think she IS after all empty-headed like the cliched romantic female. Then you pull out the stops and SURPRISE. Hope you can get this published; it should be.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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I must have forgotten to click 'save replies.' Anyway, thanks for the sixer and I'm glad you liked this story.
Comment from Susan Newell
I have to admit, I wondered why she was bold enough to put the "follower" into her car. I liked the choice of Adonis, and Papadopoulos seems very authentic since it is a common Greek surname. This had a very well twisted and clever ending.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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I have to admit, I wondered why she was bold enough to put the "follower" into her car. I liked the choice of Adonis, and Papadopoulos seems very authentic since it is a common Greek surname. This had a very well twisted and clever ending.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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So glad you liked it. It was fun to write. Thanks for reviewing.
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You are welcome. I like being sucker-punched by an author. :-)
Comment from mermaids
I think this individual was sorry he had a car accident with this lady. You surprised me at the end. I felt the woman had quite a bit of confidence and now I see why. Excellent tale here. You have written a story that holds the reader's interest. Good character development and realistic dialog.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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I think this individual was sorry he had a car accident with this lady. You surprised me at the end. I felt the woman had quite a bit of confidence and now I see why. Excellent tale here. You have written a story that holds the reader's interest. Good character development and realistic dialog.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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Some have said the guy should have been madder because she rear-ended him. Well, maybe he had an agenda of his own and it just didn't work out.
Thanks for the review, mermaids. Appreciated.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You really had me with this story, Norma. I was expecting the man to be the baddie, when you took him home, I thought, nooooooo! He'll rape and kill you, but it was all planned, the 'baddie' was tonight's dinner!!!! LOL. What a twist this story had. I have never been so duped by a story like I have by yours. I usually have it sussed out before the ending. This was amazing, and should have been put into a contest. I'd have voted for it. Well done, great story! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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You really had me with this story, Norma. I was expecting the man to be the baddie, when you took him home, I thought, nooooooo! He'll rape and kill you, but it was all planned, the 'baddie' was tonight's dinner!!!! LOL. What a twist this story had. I have never been so duped by a story like I have by yours. I usually have it sussed out before the ending. This was amazing, and should have been put into a contest. I'd have voted for it. Well done, great story! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2021
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I LOVE it when I fool people. Unfortunately, I don't usually get an idea for a twist ending. Thanks for liking it and especially for reviewing.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
A nice story with a delightful twist at the end. The pace was good. The language was fitting for the subject. The dialogue seems believable. The end was well written with the reveal held to the very last.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2021
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A nice story with a delightful twist at the end. The pace was good. The language was fitting for the subject. The dialogue seems believable. The end was well written with the reveal held to the very last.
A good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2021
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Glad you enjoyed it, and I appreciate the review.
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You are welcome.