Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Genius in Love, Scene 6"In Search of a Soul
35 total reviews
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Okay, Mr. Hiney is setting the stage for his grade eights in a rather strange way, that impacts negatively on
Cililla and of course Cornelius. Whatever Mr. Hiney's motive is, will not come to the fore in this chapter, but the disruption his words are causing certainly is taking center stage.
Ralf
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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Okay, Mr. Hiney is setting the stage for his grade eights in a rather strange way, that impacts negatively on
Cililla and of course Cornelius. Whatever Mr. Hiney's motive is, will not come to the fore in this chapter, but the disruption his words are causing certainly is taking center stage.
Ralf
Comment Written 07-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2021
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You are on the right track. You won't see its fulfillment until scene 8. I'm discovering as I go along. That's kind of what creativity is for me. Thank you, Ralf, for your kindness, as always.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I read this three times and am still a little confused. I knew Cornelius was bullied before and Cillilla, the imaginary friend has been trying to help him. I'm not sure about the King of the Hills business. Why does he care?
Otherwise it is a fun episode.
Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2021
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I read this three times and am still a little confused. I knew Cornelius was bullied before and Cillilla, the imaginary friend has been trying to help him. I'm not sure about the King of the Hills business. Why does he care?
Otherwise it is a fun episode.
Well done.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2021
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Hey, Lisa. Why'd ya wait till this was only worth 2 cents? Oh well! LOL, no problem. Thanks for your thoughtful question. You won't often find normal motives in an autistic, which doesn't get me off the hook, of course. Remember, though this came just after the scene where he was definitely one of the sacrificial animals. All the bullies willingly sacrificed him for their deep needs to be kings of the hill. I also wanted to show how the right combination of stimuli could cause him to step over the edge: in this case it was Mr. Hiney's chanting and the loudness of his voice. Also, it was important to show the interrelationship between Cornelius and Cililla, and how his abstraction was mirrored by her actions. In other words, her actions DESCRIBED what was going on inside Cornelius. Or was supposed to. All this is important to the next couple of scenes, the first to post tonight after 9 PM (LA time).
Thanks for reading, Lisa. Hope I helped your understanding.
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I'm sorry that I have been very busy lately and have been out of town a lot, two weekends to a cabin and LA before that.
I'm looking forward to reading the next scene.
Comment from lyenochka
Well that was quite the theatrical event. But I'm not quite sure why Mr. Hiney is saying such things and screaming NOOOO! as he predicts doom to his poor adolescent students. I hope Ms. Queez will have more of an effect on him soon.
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Well that was quite the theatrical event. But I'm not quite sure why Mr. Hiney is saying such things and screaming NOOOO! as he predicts doom to his poor adolescent students. I hope Ms. Queez will have more of an effect on him soon.
Comment Written 29-May-2021
reply by the author on 29-May-2021
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Mr Hiney clearly has his demons and problems. He apparently is sticking a lot of chords with readers here. Surprisingly, he exists and is doing well in the school system. Thank you so much for reading, Helen. That was a mighty big read for 2 cents. Sorry 'bout that.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very well done; far less confusing than my own play. In a way I think Cornelius would be more likely to pace as far away from the teacher as possible. He would sense something is wrong with Hiney and would want to avoid him if possible. Looking forward to next scene.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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This is very well done; far less confusing than my own play. In a way I think Cornelius would be more likely to pace as far away from the teacher as possible. He would sense something is wrong with Hiney and would want to avoid him if possible. Looking forward to next scene.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you, Carol. Your kind words and sparkly stars are appreciated. Yeah, Mr. Hiney's a real work. Cornelius is dealing with it in the only way he knows how. Look forward to having you aboard for the next go-round in a few weeks.
Comment from Loren .
Upon reading this I began wondering "What in the world is going on?" But your stage directions quickly had me in focus and I could not stop reading. I don't remember ever having such a teacher or maybe I did and was simply to naive to realize it. Loren
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Upon reading this I began wondering "What in the world is going on?" But your stage directions quickly had me in focus and I could not stop reading. I don't remember ever having such a teacher or maybe I did and was simply to naive to realize it. Loren
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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It can be a bit confusing if you haven't read the previous acts, Loren. Cornelius and especially Cililla, kinda grow on you. Thank you for the kind words and your lovely six stars. I hope to see you reading the next act in two weeks.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh, Jay, I promise faithfully to save a six for you on Sunday, I use them up before I even realise it. So few for so many wonderful authors on here.
This one made the hairs on my head jiggle as my scalp tightened and deserved a six from every reader, and I bet I'm the only one that didn't have one.
What an incredibly well-written chapter in this fabulous script of yours. You are amazing at getting into the mind of a child like Cornelius, and putting his thoughts and feelings into words so that we are there with him. Feeling every uncertain, muddled thought this idiot Mr Hiney, he should have had more sense than to rant on like that knowing what Cornelius is like. I can't wait for the next part. You will get that 6, promise!!!! Superb writing, my friend. You have mastered this brilliantly. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Oh, Jay, I promise faithfully to save a six for you on Sunday, I use them up before I even realise it. So few for so many wonderful authors on here.
This one made the hairs on my head jiggle as my scalp tightened and deserved a six from every reader, and I bet I'm the only one that didn't have one.
What an incredibly well-written chapter in this fabulous script of yours. You are amazing at getting into the mind of a child like Cornelius, and putting his thoughts and feelings into words so that we are there with him. Feeling every uncertain, muddled thought this idiot Mr Hiney, he should have had more sense than to rant on like that knowing what Cornelius is like. I can't wait for the next part. You will get that 6, promise!!!! Superb writing, my friend. You have mastered this brilliantly. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Sandra, oh Sandra! Confession time. I had given all my 6s out by Monday morning. Don't apologize. It is your words and encouragement that are worth more than any six. So put that out of your mind. Now ... This Saturday coming, I will be re-posting the second half of "The Sins of the Grandfather" (the counterpart to "The Message", my free-verse script I think you read). Long, long story. I hope you can read it. And then the Saturday after that I will continue on with "the Genius". In both of them, and in any post from now on, please put "the guilt of being sixless out of your mind." LOL, I had to look back and make sure I didn't misspell sixless.
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Yes, I did read part one, and if part two is as gruesome I'll be having loads of nightmares again!! But would I miss it? Hell no!! Thanks for being so gracious, my friend. I look forward to Saturday, and will review on Sunday!!
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I don't think it's the same one. Part one was when Jay and Bett go up the mountain side to reach the preceipiice where 50 years before, Jay's grandfather had taken the same Bett. But unless you have a morbid fear of heights, I don't thing it would give you nightmares.
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No that wasn't the one I was thinking of, this one was about 'Lady Dracula' I shall have to look in your portfolio.
I'm off to bed now, it's getting late here. Good night my friend.xx
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Good night. Oh, you will find it under "The message." But don't feel like you must read it.
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I must look it up now. But it will be in the morning. I'm sure I must have read it, because I read all your work. Ok, definitely off to bed now!! :)) xxx
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
I'm just about set to head over to Luke's to help with the baby. But I wanted to read and review your chapter first.
I enjoyed it immensely.
I had a teacher in Grade 9 who acted a bit like Mr. Hiney. The Grade 9 classroom was his kingdom, and he loved to present his philosophy of life. But it was in Grade 11 when a teacher absolutely floored me. I think everyone in the whole class gasped at what he said. He was the principal as well as our English teacher. But there were issues concerning his sexual preferences. Perhaps rumors, perhaps not. I didn't investigate. One day, during class, he mentioned to "Sue", who occupied the front seat in the row next to the windows, how she probably enjoyed the school day being over ...when she could get out of her regular clothes and adorn her soft skin with lacey garments, and lounge on her bed for the evening.
I couldn't believe that he said that! And I looked at Sue's face, and saw how embarrassed she was.
I don't know if she reported the incident to her parents, or if there were any repercussions. But let's just say, there should have been. It was ... off color.
That being said, it was this particular teacher who got me started in writing. He was also the teacher who selected me and two other students, after one such English class, to follow him down to Grade 9 where we had to read our compositions. We had no time to object. In minutes, from my comfortable desk in the Grade 11 classroom of 17 students, I found myself before a Grade 9 class of over 40 students! The year was 1967, and I was mortified! My old girlfriend and most of my close friends were in that class. And I was as shy a kid as you ever saw.
Anyway, I'm sure Cornelius and many of his classmates felt the tension in the room. Even Cililla felt it.
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Hi Jay,
I'm just about set to head over to Luke's to help with the baby. But I wanted to read and review your chapter first.
I enjoyed it immensely.
I had a teacher in Grade 9 who acted a bit like Mr. Hiney. The Grade 9 classroom was his kingdom, and he loved to present his philosophy of life. But it was in Grade 11 when a teacher absolutely floored me. I think everyone in the whole class gasped at what he said. He was the principal as well as our English teacher. But there were issues concerning his sexual preferences. Perhaps rumors, perhaps not. I didn't investigate. One day, during class, he mentioned to "Sue", who occupied the front seat in the row next to the windows, how she probably enjoyed the school day being over ...when she could get out of her regular clothes and adorn her soft skin with lacey garments, and lounge on her bed for the evening.
I couldn't believe that he said that! And I looked at Sue's face, and saw how embarrassed she was.
I don't know if she reported the incident to her parents, or if there were any repercussions. But let's just say, there should have been. It was ... off color.
That being said, it was this particular teacher who got me started in writing. He was also the teacher who selected me and two other students, after one such English class, to follow him down to Grade 9 where we had to read our compositions. We had no time to object. In minutes, from my comfortable desk in the Grade 11 classroom of 17 students, I found myself before a Grade 9 class of over 40 students! The year was 1967, and I was mortified! My old girlfriend and most of my close friends were in that class. And I was as shy a kid as you ever saw.
Anyway, I'm sure Cornelius and many of his classmates felt the tension in the room. Even Cililla felt it.
Nicely penned!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank you, Kimbob, and especially for the asides. I've found this chapter has sparked memories in a lot of readers. Your six stars is a delight. Thank you so much!
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor boy not being in control of his reaction and getting stuck and terrified in one blank space. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Poor boy not being in control of his reaction and getting stuck and terrified in one blank space. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 26-May-2021
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Thank you, Iza. I always enjoy hearing you weigh in on my scripts and stories. It means a lot.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay,
Read through this scene. Enjoyed. It's got that delicious one click to the left element that you tend to infuse in your writing that keeps me as a reader off balance and watching.
In this scene, Mr. Hiney has that surreal, perv edge and part of me would feel on edge in his class. He's rubbed Corn the wrong way too, giving for an intense reaction.
The build up to Cornelius having a moment of over stimulated raw pow to the unfolding imagery of seeing it as a play was intense to watch.
There's solid suspense and I think if I was watching this as a play, I would be unnerved by the scene in a good way.
Mr. Hiney: 8th-grade teacher.
(When I started this scene, I did pause to wonder if I should be pronouncing his name Hi-knee Or Hin-ney...
Goes to show, my basic reading skills are off.)
Like the power posture, though I was told that crossing limbs reduces the power. (I think that's how I was dismissed from a Juror box once... I had my arms and legs crossed... and they dismissed me.)
... performing several rotations as he speaks)
(deliciously inappropriate, gives strong vibes of... Yikes)
[The classroom is beginning to feel uneasy, squirming, by MR. HINEY'S drama, don't notice anything else.]
(Nice physical tells and awkward stuff)
And all the little kings bow down to him.
(off topic, but I thought here... how odd it was, my experience of eighth grade ... a step off the normal. In our district, somehow, eighth grade went to high school. We never got to be kings of the hill... as seventh grade we were still to young to hunger for the power of it... and in eighth, we were thrust into the wilds with the highschoolers... who we looked like babies to, I'm sure. No such thing as middle school for us.)
steeper hill when you go to high school.
the world with his high school doomsday prophecies!
(I like her take on this, as it's all very captivating with partial truths on all sides, all twisted and distorted in weird feelings)
must that asshole--I'm sorry(,) Sweetie--but why must
(typo)
looming above you, you('ll)? find you're no longer king
MR. HINEY (Continues):
NOOOOOOOOOOO ...
(Very suspenseful and disconcerting)
their king. LAAAMBS and OXEN to the slaughter.
--ripped apart. shredded(Shredded) by everything. (typo) Maybe a comma? Though if it's a period that's fine too.
Enjoyed this scene.
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Hi, Jay,
Read through this scene. Enjoyed. It's got that delicious one click to the left element that you tend to infuse in your writing that keeps me as a reader off balance and watching.
In this scene, Mr. Hiney has that surreal, perv edge and part of me would feel on edge in his class. He's rubbed Corn the wrong way too, giving for an intense reaction.
The build up to Cornelius having a moment of over stimulated raw pow to the unfolding imagery of seeing it as a play was intense to watch.
There's solid suspense and I think if I was watching this as a play, I would be unnerved by the scene in a good way.
Mr. Hiney: 8th-grade teacher.
(When I started this scene, I did pause to wonder if I should be pronouncing his name Hi-knee Or Hin-ney...
Goes to show, my basic reading skills are off.)
Like the power posture, though I was told that crossing limbs reduces the power. (I think that's how I was dismissed from a Juror box once... I had my arms and legs crossed... and they dismissed me.)
... performing several rotations as he speaks)
(deliciously inappropriate, gives strong vibes of... Yikes)
[The classroom is beginning to feel uneasy, squirming, by MR. HINEY'S drama, don't notice anything else.]
(Nice physical tells and awkward stuff)
And all the little kings bow down to him.
(off topic, but I thought here... how odd it was, my experience of eighth grade ... a step off the normal. In our district, somehow, eighth grade went to high school. We never got to be kings of the hill... as seventh grade we were still to young to hunger for the power of it... and in eighth, we were thrust into the wilds with the highschoolers... who we looked like babies to, I'm sure. No such thing as middle school for us.)
steeper hill when you go to high school.
the world with his high school doomsday prophecies!
(I like her take on this, as it's all very captivating with partial truths on all sides, all twisted and distorted in weird feelings)
must that asshole--I'm sorry(,) Sweetie--but why must
(typo)
looming above you, you('ll)? find you're no longer king
MR. HINEY (Continues):
NOOOOOOOOOOO ...
(Very suspenseful and disconcerting)
their king. LAAAMBS and OXEN to the slaughter.
--ripped apart. shredded(Shredded) by everything. (typo) Maybe a comma? Though if it's a period that's fine too.
Enjoyed this scene.
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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An over-the-top review that you always spoil me with. Thank you, Turtle. You made some catches I wasn't aware I'd goofed on. Period instead of a comma. And Mr. Hiney's grammar in one place (High-knee). Thank you. Geeze you are an asset! I'll look at the suggestions after this drops off. I gotta go make some money to post the final scene of "Sins of the Grandfather". Thanks again, the six was stupendous. I squandered mine by Monday night.
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
I am not sure what's happening with our young man, but this convo seems to have turned a switch of some sort - EEK! Turn it off!
Note:
--> I (j)ust don't know about you people
Thanks!
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Jay,
I am not sure what's happening with our young man, but this convo seems to have turned a switch of some sort - EEK! Turn it off!
Note:
--> I (j)ust don't know about you people
Thanks!
Comment Written 25-May-2021
reply by the author on 25-May-2021
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Thank you for your catch, Robyn. I couldn't think of a better person to push, his button than Mr. Hiney. Bless you for your kindness and the sparklies.