More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 38 "Wig, Gown and Sam Browne"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
30 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image, and I like
the rhyming title!
-This is a good chapter that
brings Peter Allen back into the story.
-He is a good character, and I like his style.
-He has a goal, but doesn't reveal his hand.
-Instead, he drops little hints allowing his
counterpart to come up with the idea
he had had in mind in the first place.
-So that is what took place in the
discussion with Wilson.
-Venables sounds like he will
be a good partner with Allen, as well.
reply by the author on 13-May-2021
  |
-A good image, and I like
the rhyming title!
-This is a good chapter that
brings Peter Allen back into the story.
-He is a good character, and I like his style.
-He has a goal, but doesn't reveal his hand.
-Instead, he drops little hints allowing his
counterpart to come up with the idea
he had had in mind in the first place.
-So that is what took place in the
discussion with Wilson.
-Venables sounds like he will
be a good partner with Allen, as well.
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 13-May-2021
-
Thank you for this analytical revie it is much appreciated.w
-
You are welcome.
Comment from Audra J Perez
everyone on here is so talented and great at what they do, i also love how descriptive you are on the time periods i can see why youre so high up in rankings this is beautiful keep it up
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
|
everyone on here is so talented and great at what they do, i also love how descriptive you are on the time periods i can see why youre so high up in rankings this is beautiful keep it up
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
-
Thank you so much for this supportive review.
Comment from robyn corum
Jim,
Wellll... FINALLY! I'm caught up. It took me a bit to read all the chapters I'd missed, but I found the time (stole the time) and got them all, and even in one sitting - yay!
I don't know yet why we're spending all this time on these two German pilots - but I know it will all be explained and I trust you absolutely.
All of the chapters were well written with lavish attention to detail that is quite startling. If I didn't believe in reincarnation before I began reading this story, I might start. That's the only way I know of to explain how you can describe all these different lives and occupations so well.
One tiny note: Allen was pleased to/hear that his unit was not
SO nicely done. Maybe now I can stay caught up. Thanks!
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
|
Jim,
Wellll... FINALLY! I'm caught up. It took me a bit to read all the chapters I'd missed, but I found the time (stole the time) and got them all, and even in one sitting - yay!
I don't know yet why we're spending all this time on these two German pilots - but I know it will all be explained and I trust you absolutely.
All of the chapters were well written with lavish attention to detail that is quite startling. If I didn't believe in reincarnation before I began reading this story, I might start. That's the only way I know of to explain how you can describe all these different lives and occupations so well.
One tiny note: Allen was pleased to/hear that his unit was not
SO nicely done. Maybe now I can stay caught up. Thanks!
Comment Written 12-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
-
Welcome back. I am so pleased you have returned to the fold. It is good to have a few class reviewers on one's tail. Thanks for this complimentary review. you will not have much longer to wonder as some of the reason for the German's appearance will be made manifest next time.
No, I am not a reincarnation, I just keep a time travelling machine in my garage.
-
I shall have to remember that...
Comment from RGstar
Ginty. I thought I would give this a look in, though missed a few chapters.
Look, fantastic writing, in terms of information and strength around the dialogues. Sensible and articulate, I wanted to feel the narrative, center on something I felt was evident but, not the main.
Not to take anything away from the writing, the thing I would have liked to see more of was the personal touch. Things we take for granted when watching a film because it is visual, and sometimes, we forget as authors, how important these things are. We must widen the scenes and narrative or it becomes more like a documentary, or a itinerary of factual events, where the author may concentrate two much on the knowledge of the genre, rather than concentrating on the narrative and how better to give a vision in wide screen and colour rather than black and white.
The writing can then become script-like.
I think what I missed in this was the broadening out of the scenes.
The room they are in...little elements of character, which all have...the way they may differ in dress and mannerisms, something that causes a character to stand out or be noticed. The periphery must come into play also.
The Victorian House was well described as to imprint imagery in the mind of the reader, not only the practical aspect and what it serves.
You know, there are so many ways of bringing that into a scene. Was the guy sitting on a desk with his knee and feet dangling over the edge looking smug, in his usual way? The furniture... smoking, not smoking...what was on the table? Maps, pencil sharpener that he was fiddling with because nervous, or showing bravado? The personal elements. Like I said, we see this in films, something we take for granted, but that is one of the reason a film may be better than average...the connection...things like this are really important in a narrative, whatever the genre.
This work has promise, and was a pleasure to read. The writing was spot on, just I missed that broader narrative, rather than precise documentation.
Even so, this was a nice introduction to your writing here, and I was able to start getting into the story...always a good sign...a sign of good writing.
I hope you see my points as an interest in your work, rather than a criticism, because it is worthy indeed.
I will look in again.
Best wishes, well done.
Have a great week.
RG
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
 |
Ginty. I thought I would give this a look in, though missed a few chapters.
Look, fantastic writing, in terms of information and strength around the dialogues. Sensible and articulate, I wanted to feel the narrative, center on something I felt was evident but, not the main.
Not to take anything away from the writing, the thing I would have liked to see more of was the personal touch. Things we take for granted when watching a film because it is visual, and sometimes, we forget as authors, how important these things are. We must widen the scenes and narrative or it becomes more like a documentary, or a itinerary of factual events, where the author may concentrate two much on the knowledge of the genre, rather than concentrating on the narrative and how better to give a vision in wide screen and colour rather than black and white.
The writing can then become script-like.
I think what I missed in this was the broadening out of the scenes.
The room they are in...little elements of character, which all have...the way they may differ in dress and mannerisms, something that causes a character to stand out or be noticed. The periphery must come into play also.
The Victorian House was well described as to imprint imagery in the mind of the reader, not only the practical aspect and what it serves.
You know, there are so many ways of bringing that into a scene. Was the guy sitting on a desk with his knee and feet dangling over the edge looking smug, in his usual way? The furniture... smoking, not smoking...what was on the table? Maps, pencil sharpener that he was fiddling with because nervous, or showing bravado? The personal elements. Like I said, we see this in films, something we take for granted, but that is one of the reason a film may be better than average...the connection...things like this are really important in a narrative, whatever the genre.
This work has promise, and was a pleasure to read. The writing was spot on, just I missed that broader narrative, rather than precise documentation.
Even so, this was a nice introduction to your writing here, and I was able to start getting into the story...always a good sign...a sign of good writing.
I hope you see my points as an interest in your work, rather than a criticism, because it is worthy indeed.
I will look in again.
Best wishes, well done.
Have a great week.
RG
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 12-May-2021
-
Thank you for this painstaking, detailed and clearly honest, six star review. This is probably one of the few chapters (I hope) where there is a lack of the 'broadening out' that you mention.
I felt that since it was the only scene in this place, such detail was unnecessary, but maybe you have a point.
-
Good writing Ginty.
I like good war dramas. This promises to be good. I'll be looking in again. Best wishes.
Comment from JudyE
Sorry I was late promoting this. We were away for a few days.
I picked up a few very small points:
'I have had some dealings out of court with German companies. Some of the directors of which were party members. - should these two sentences be combined?
'They're billeted in a leafy West-London suburb, in a large Victorian house, commandeered for the purpose. - I don't think 'West London' needs to be hyphenated. Delete comma after 'house'
Behind this arboreal screen however, are some high, barbed-wire fences, and machine gun platforms to discourage the guests - hyphen needed in 'machine-gun'
The enemy with which SIU15 came face to face, was comprised for the most part of Luftwaffe personnel to begin with, though by 1943, both wehrmacht people and kriegsmarine personnel too were to pass through the Victorian mansion on their way into captivity. -I might have rearranged the beginning of this sentence. Maybe 'In the beginning, the enemy with which SIU15 came face to face, was comprised for the most part of Luftwaffe personnel, though by 1943, both wehrmacht people and kriegsmarine personnel were to pass through the Victorian mansion on their way into captivity.'
Once Allen had dug him out of the anti-aircraft battery in which he had volunteered to serve as a humble gunner, Venables had jumped at the chance that Allen offered him. - maybe 'jumped at the chance offered by Allen.'
As a result he seldom achieved any spectacular coups, but he had a better idea than most - comma after 'result'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
|
Sorry I was late promoting this. We were away for a few days.
I picked up a few very small points:
'I have had some dealings out of court with German companies. Some of the directors of which were party members. - should these two sentences be combined?
'They're billeted in a leafy West-London suburb, in a large Victorian house, commandeered for the purpose. - I don't think 'West London' needs to be hyphenated. Delete comma after 'house'
Behind this arboreal screen however, are some high, barbed-wire fences, and machine gun platforms to discourage the guests - hyphen needed in 'machine-gun'
The enemy with which SIU15 came face to face, was comprised for the most part of Luftwaffe personnel to begin with, though by 1943, both wehrmacht people and kriegsmarine personnel too were to pass through the Victorian mansion on their way into captivity. -I might have rearranged the beginning of this sentence. Maybe 'In the beginning, the enemy with which SIU15 came face to face, was comprised for the most part of Luftwaffe personnel, though by 1943, both wehrmacht people and kriegsmarine personnel were to pass through the Victorian mansion on their way into captivity.'
Once Allen had dug him out of the anti-aircraft battery in which he had volunteered to serve as a humble gunner, Venables had jumped at the chance that Allen offered him. - maybe 'jumped at the chance offered by Allen.'
As a result he seldom achieved any spectacular coups, but he had a better idea than most - comma after 'result'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
-
Many thanks for this detailed review. All your points have received corrective attention. No need to apologise. I am grateful whenever it appears.
-
Thank you so much for this review. All your suggestions complied with.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Interesting read about the setup of the Intelligence arms of the war effort, and the cagey way Allen got what he was after. Venables sounds like he'll be just the guy to get information from Brucker. Good chapter Jim, enjoyed it.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
|
Interesting read about the setup of the Intelligence arms of the war effort, and the cagey way Allen got what he was after. Venables sounds like he'll be just the guy to get information from Brucker. Good chapter Jim, enjoyed it.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
-
Many thanks for this six-star review. I am so pleased you continue to enjoy this story.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm happy to see Peter Allen back! Well, so this occurred before the war and you're giving us the back story. Did Allen actually go to Germany for his intelligence work?
I wasn't sure what the following meant:
D.S.O. and M.C (??)
"white feather girls" (?)
Suggest to capitalize: Wehrmacht and Kriegsmarine
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
|
I'm happy to see Peter Allen back! Well, so this occurred before the war and you're giving us the back story. Did Allen actually go to Germany for his intelligence work?
I wasn't sure what the following meant:
D.S.O. and M.C (??)
"white feather girls" (?)
Suggest to capitalize: Wehrmacht and Kriegsmarine
Comment Written 11-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
-
Thank you for this review. The initials are decorations. DSO=Distinguished Service Order, a medal usually given to senior officers commanding a successful operation but if awarded to a junior officer might be made for gallantry and leadership in combat. MC = a personal gallantry award made to an officer (now available to all ranks).
White feather girls = during WW1, before conscription, groups of women would attempt to pin white feathers (a sign of cowardice) on men of military age not in uniform. They did not appear in WW2. I keep forgetting that all German nouns are capitalised. Thanks for reminding me.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear jim, I can quickly perceive that this chapter is providing some very valuable background information about how Peter got into intelligence services.
I now think you're going to have to add Robert Venables to your list of characters in your authors notes, particularly if he is the one who will be interrogating Herr Bruckner.
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
|
Dear jim, I can quickly perceive that this chapter is providing some very valuable background information about how Peter got into intelligence services.
I now think you're going to have to add Robert Venables to your list of characters in your authors notes, particularly if he is the one who will be interrogating Herr Bruckner.
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 11-May-2021
-
Many thanks for this supportive review. Venables plays a much larger part in book three and he will get his mention amongst the stars then.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
My last six, and you deserved it. I enjoyed the way you brought Peter Allen into the war and how you coupled him with the German pilot and his gunner. That was excellent writing. I also loved how Peter managed to get the position he was after without Patrick realising it. That's a good lawyer for you. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
We are slowly moving over to our new home, doing it a bit at a time rather in one rush. I've decided I'm too old for this lark, and it's definitely going to be my last move in the living world!! We hope to get our internet running next week, then we'll move in properly. I'll have a catch up chat after that. Good luck with your class. xx
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
|
My last six, and you deserved it. I enjoyed the way you brought Peter Allen into the war and how you coupled him with the German pilot and his gunner. That was excellent writing. I also loved how Peter managed to get the position he was after without Patrick realising it. That's a good lawyer for you. Well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
We are slowly moving over to our new home, doing it a bit at a time rather in one rush. I've decided I'm too old for this lark, and it's definitely going to be my last move in the living world!! We hope to get our internet running next week, then we'll move in properly. I'll have a catch up chat after that. Good luck with your class. xx
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
-
I am honoured to receive your last six. Many thanks for it. I look forward to hearing about your new home once you are settled.
Comment from estory
This is an interesting chapter in that you bring the English interrogator into the picture to question the German pilots you introduced earlier when they crashed in England. Nice job explaining the ins and outs of this work through the dialogue between Peter Allen, the retired former officer, and his superior. It was a little disappointing not to hear any dialogue between the German pilot and Allen. That would have been a great conversation to overhear. estory
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
|
This is an interesting chapter in that you bring the English interrogator into the picture to question the German pilots you introduced earlier when they crashed in England. Nice job explaining the ins and outs of this work through the dialogue between Peter Allen, the retired former officer, and his superior. It was a little disappointing not to hear any dialogue between the German pilot and Allen. That would have been a great conversation to overhear. estory
Comment Written 10-May-2021
reply by the author on 10-May-2021
-
I have a reason for not using that interview directly, which will shortly become apparent. Thank you though for your kind review.