More Grist to the Mill
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Blueprint for the Future - 1933"Book 2 of the Cleeborough Mill Trilogy
26 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Jim,
Not quite sure how I missed this. I was out a couple days in the last week or so with migraines (again) but I thought I had stayed caught up with your story. Well, at any rate, I'm caught up now. That's all that matters. Good stuff - as always.
Notes, if I may:
1.) until after the harvest. After that...' she tailed off.
--> double-checking 'tailed' instead of 'trailed'
2.) 'Bang up to date and all(,)' she said.
3.) At twelve years old, Julia had as much, idea of what was going on in their business as they did.
--> delete the second comma
On to the next!
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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Jim,
Not quite sure how I missed this. I was out a couple days in the last week or so with migraines (again) but I thought I had stayed caught up with your story. Well, at any rate, I'm caught up now. That's all that matters. Good stuff - as always.
Notes, if I may:
1.) until after the harvest. After that...' she tailed off.
--> double-checking 'tailed' instead of 'trailed'
2.) 'Bang up to date and all(,)' she said.
3.) At twelve years old, Julia had as much, idea of what was going on in their business as they did.
--> delete the second comma
On to the next!
Comment Written 31-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2021
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I did wonder where you had gone. Sorry to hear about the migraines. My mother used to suffer from them - nasty things. Thanks for this review. The points you mentioned have been attended to and 'tailed off' was what I intended.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Jim, I don't know how I came into this so late. But I'm certainly glad that I didn't miss this chapter all together. Granted I'm only on the net in the evenings. The weather's too good to be on the Internet during the day. The land also needs tending to. Calls on Skype and Whatsapp are taking place from late afternoon and into early night, so I'm perpetually behind.
I have to say that I loved this chapter. So Jack doesn't seem to have any interest in the farm, whereas Julia has a firm grasp of things. Indeed, where are Jack's things then? Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Hi Jim, I don't know how I came into this so late. But I'm certainly glad that I didn't miss this chapter all together. Granted I'm only on the net in the evenings. The weather's too good to be on the Internet during the day. The land also needs tending to. Calls on Skype and Whatsapp are taking place from late afternoon and into early night, so I'm perpetually behind.
I have to say that I loved this chapter. So Jack doesn't seem to have any interest in the farm, whereas Julia has a firm grasp of things. Indeed, where are Jack's things then? Ulla:)))
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Not to worry. You are here now and thank you. I have not posted this Wednesday just gone because I used my member bucks on the poem I wrote advertising my next class. But normal service will be resumed on Sunday when you can find out where Jack's stuff is.
You made me laugh saying the weather was too good to be stuck indoors on FS. When I was 14, I wanted to go into the theatre, but the thought of being stuck indoors rehearsing while the sun was shining made me join the Royal Marines instead.
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Now it's my turn to laugh. A heck of a jump from theater to the Marines. but I can so sympathise. Looking forward to the chapter on Sunday. I will also read your poem, in a minute.
Comment from royowen
As most parents know, there comes a time in life when their children will reveal a gift or a propensity to gravitate toward that particular gift, we knew from an early age our elder child was musically talented, with a leaning to social interaction and compassion towards other, she became a wife and mother, a teacher of the young, but later an entertainer and in charge of visual arts later in life, they younger one's talents were great but different, I can relate to the pride and emotion of Heather. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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As most parents know, there comes a time in life when their children will reveal a gift or a propensity to gravitate toward that particular gift, we knew from an early age our elder child was musically talented, with a leaning to social interaction and compassion towards other, she became a wife and mother, a teacher of the young, but later an entertainer and in charge of visual arts later in life, they younger one's talents were great but different, I can relate to the pride and emotion of Heather. Beautifully written, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this supportive review. Much appreciated.
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Most welcome
Comment from Pam (respa)
-I was wondering what the
image was, and now I know!
-This is a really good chapter
and very interesting and revealing.
-It's like Tommy and Heather are
evaluating their lives, using their
twins as bench marks, based on
their age and their requests and interests.
-You do an excellent job of using
their thoughts and dialogue to let
us know what is going on on the farm.
-There is some flashback on Heather's
part about how the house used to be.
-The twins sound very enterprising, and
I am guessing they will do well.
-Heather and Tommy have to be
very proud, but there is one
mystery about where Jack's things are.
-An excellent chapter I enjoyed very much.
-One very small thing: "Julia had as much, idea"
You don't need the comma after much.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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-I was wondering what the
image was, and now I know!
-This is a really good chapter
and very interesting and revealing.
-It's like Tommy and Heather are
evaluating their lives, using their
twins as bench marks, based on
their age and their requests and interests.
-You do an excellent job of using
their thoughts and dialogue to let
us know what is going on on the farm.
-There is some flashback on Heather's
part about how the house used to be.
-The twins sound very enterprising, and
I am guessing they will do well.
-Heather and Tommy have to be
very proud, but there is one
mystery about where Jack's things are.
-An excellent chapter I enjoyed very much.
-One very small thing: "Julia had as much, idea"
You don't need the comma after much.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much for this supportive, six star review. I did not post a chapter mid-week this week since I used up akk my memberbucks on promoting my class. The next chapter will be posted this coming Sunday.
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review. I can understand how memberbucks can get used up quickly!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Another very engaging chapter in the lives of your captivating characters! I think I called it right, in a previous review: Julia is just as bright as her twin brother. Here we have a set of very proud parents!
Here are some minor suggestions:
Jack though, was happy to be told to drive the tractor and trailer back to Jericho with the barley meal the two had ground before the disaster to the shaft together with the grain than they had been unable to mill, as a result of the collapse.
-->
Jack though, was happy to be told to drive the tractor and trailer back to Jericho with the barley meal the two had ground before the disaster to the shaft, together with the grain than they had been unable to mill, as a result of the collapse.
After that...' she tailed off.
-->
After that...' she trailed off. [Unless I'm mistaken.]
'He'll stay till harvest be in,'cause there be tractors to drive ...
-->
'He'll stay till harvest be in, 'cause there be tractors to drive ...
At twelve years old, Julia had as much, idea of what was going on in their business as they did.
-->
At twelve years old, Julia had as much idea of what was going on in their business, as they did.
***
I knew that I was running short on sixes, so I saved one for this new chapter, which isn't ranked yet. I hope it soon will be!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2021
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Another very engaging chapter in the lives of your captivating characters! I think I called it right, in a previous review: Julia is just as bright as her twin brother. Here we have a set of very proud parents!
Here are some minor suggestions:
Jack though, was happy to be told to drive the tractor and trailer back to Jericho with the barley meal the two had ground before the disaster to the shaft together with the grain than they had been unable to mill, as a result of the collapse.
-->
Jack though, was happy to be told to drive the tractor and trailer back to Jericho with the barley meal the two had ground before the disaster to the shaft, together with the grain than they had been unable to mill, as a result of the collapse.
After that...' she tailed off.
-->
After that...' she trailed off. [Unless I'm mistaken.]
'He'll stay till harvest be in,'cause there be tractors to drive ...
-->
'He'll stay till harvest be in, 'cause there be tractors to drive ...
At twelve years old, Julia had as much, idea of what was going on in their business as they did.
-->
At twelve years old, Julia had as much idea of what was going on in their business, as they did.
***
I knew that I was running short on sixes, so I saved one for this new chapter, which isn't ranked yet. I hope it soon will be!
Comment Written 23-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2021
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Many thanks for this detailed review. Just to say that I will not be posting on Wednesday as I have used my memberbucks to post my advertisement for my upcoming poetry class. I will be back with more of this on a Sunday.
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You're very welcome, Jim. I look forward to your next chapter, when it comes! Your poetry class looks good, best wishes with it! - Mary Kay
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
You have another well-written and interesting chapter here. Tommy and Heather are proving to be excellent parents, allowing their daughter to choose her own path into the future. Now it's Jack's turn. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2021
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You have another well-written and interesting chapter here. Tommy and Heather are proving to be excellent parents, allowing their daughter to choose her own path into the future. Now it's Jack's turn. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2021
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Thank you for this review of my most recent chapter.
Comment from Jeff Watkins
The long (for me) narration of how now-vacant rooms were once used and family history appeals to the people who are caught up in your story. However, for me your story plods. My personal taste is for a story that races or at least trots. On the other hand, the discovery of the model of their farm is rife with implications. You bedazzle me with your skill, so I read it to learn, yet your story is not my cuppa.
I've been told more than once that to explain is to lose the interest of the reader. You violate that rule with abandon, but it works for you. Jeff
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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The long (for me) narration of how now-vacant rooms were once used and family history appeals to the people who are caught up in your story. However, for me your story plods. My personal taste is for a story that races or at least trots. On the other hand, the discovery of the model of their farm is rife with implications. You bedazzle me with your skill, so I read it to learn, yet your story is not my cuppa.
I've been told more than once that to explain is to lose the interest of the reader. You violate that rule with abandon, but it works for you. Jeff
Comment Written 22-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Many thanks for the six-star review, especially when the story is not tovyour taste, but that is your professionalism showing and I thank you for it. It is something rarely seen on this site.
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Pantygynt, I am working assiduously to cultivate and educate good critics. I encourage specific responses, negative and positive. Once an author sees the value of skillful review, that author is much more likely to provide skillful reviews. I have had several authors express surprise when they receive a critique that goes beyond pleasantries. I wish FS would use "critiques" rather than "ratings." "Ratings encourages a briefly stated judgment. Period.
Are you familiar with Missmerri's poems? She would make one hell of a good student in your poetry class. Jeff
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I love Adonnas poems but she must apply for the class either as a paying student or through the Poetry Scholarship Club that another generous member has seen fit to endow.
Comment from lyenochka
That is a mystery! Where is Jack's stuff? - Because he has all kinds of interests in mechanics and drawing. I would have thought there would be a warfare of artwork from both the farm manager and the future engineer.
Lots of fun in this post, Jim! I thought the extra time on the rooms wasn't that necessary to this post but perhaps you will tell us more why you went into such detail here.
One comment:
our Tom used to (I seem to recall that you used Our Tom to indicate Tom Joliffe. Since it's really used as a name and not as an possessive pronoun+name, I think the capitalization is better.)
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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That is a mystery! Where is Jack's stuff? - Because he has all kinds of interests in mechanics and drawing. I would have thought there would be a warfare of artwork from both the farm manager and the future engineer.
Lots of fun in this post, Jim! I thought the extra time on the rooms wasn't that necessary to this post but perhaps you will tell us more why you went into such detail here.
One comment:
our Tom used to (I seem to recall that you used Our Tom to indicate Tom Joliffe. Since it's really used as a name and not as an possessive pronoun+name, I think the capitalization is better.)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Yes, the Our Tom should be capitalised. I is being used as as a name here even If he is deceased. Thank you for the six-star review. The time spent on the rooms was to create the atmosphere of the place. It is a big house, maybe not by Gormenghast standards but it has an atmosphere about it that is a touch scary - except in the kitchen.
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Ah, yes, the kitchen is really the heart of a home.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Left to their own devices I believe children find their own way into a fruitful future. Tom and Heather have discovered that to be true with Julia. I'll just bet Jack will be the same. Well done, Jim. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Left to their own devices I believe children find their own way into a fruitful future. Tom and Heather have discovered that to be true with Julia. I'll just bet Jack will be the same. Well done, Jim. Nancy:)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Many thanks for this enlightened, six-star review.
Comment from RetroStarfish
What a lovely read, and how nice to get a better view of Jericho farm. I hadn't realized the house was so big - but, of course, with live-in staff in the past generation, it would have to be.
This peak into Julia's character has whetted my appetite to read more about her and what she does next.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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What a lovely read, and how nice to get a better view of Jericho farm. I hadn't realized the house was so big - but, of course, with live-in staff in the past generation, it would have to be.
This peak into Julia's character has whetted my appetite to read more about her and what she does next.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2021
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Thank you for this complimentary review, which is greatly appreciated.
Josh Joliffe, Heather's father, who built it, did suffer a bit from delusions of grandeur. Lol. In a chapter in Maid of the Mill, soon after it was built Felicity, Josh's wife, gave Lady Cecilia Mortimer a tour of the place. But it was when Josh's son, Tom, inherited the place that all those rooms were regularly used at the lavish parties he used to hold.