Comment from Mary Vigasin

Excellent

This is a fascinating picture and in your writing you matched the picture perfectly.
I am unfamiliar with the poetry style however I love the calmness of your words.
Well done.
Mary

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

It is a 7-7 couplet that should follow a 5-7-5 haiku in the Renga book. One should use a similar topic but can't repeat the same words. You should try to enter one.

Thanks a lot.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

That is a magical picture Lisa, unique and clever and it inspired you here to write this equally magical few words, I would love to go to Iceland, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 03-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

Yes. Iceland is so unique and beautiful. It is also very peaceful, too. I highly recommend. There is a lot of more bigger chucks of glacier in the Glacier Lagoon.

Thank you very much for the nice review.

Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Stunning photo, and beautiful lyrical words. Such a lot of beauty in just fourteen syllables. Thank you for sharing this gentle poem. Best wishes for the contest.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

Sorry. I can?t use Glacier
in the poem by the organizer. I need to update the title

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

A Glacier Swan in the Ice Lagoon
by Lisa Wharton

Hello, Lisa,

Lovely 7/7 couplet following my 5/7/5. However, we have a problem. In renga, the challenge is to follow the previous chapter but not the ones before that. We have to follow the theme of the one before yours without repeating words....

pastel palette sky
over frosty (Glazier Lake) --
blue ice reflections
.........
(glacier) swans float in (lagoon)
pale after years of cleansing
......
Also, we had chapters about glaziers, frozen water, titanic, icebergs...since chapter 18, you have the opportunity to shift the course of our renga. I realize is not easy. Here is an idea...

glacier swans float in lagoon
pale after years of cleansing

ducks drift over calm water

pale after years of cleansing


Good job!

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

Thanks for the suggestion and I will use it.

But I think "Glazier" which is the name of a lake while "Glacier" means frozen water. They are two different words.

Definition of the word Glazier: a person whose profession is fitting glass into windows and doors.

I can update so we can go to a different direciton.

Thanks a lot.

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 02-Dec-2020

Thank you very much, Lisa

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

I still like to use Swan. So I updated to:
swans glide over calm water.

Thanks

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 03-Dec-2020

That's okay, I will write one today to shift it to a new course. We have too many swans. Thank you very much for letting me know.

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

Sorry. I just looked and found there are three poems about Swans. I can change it back to Ducks.

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

I changed it back to Ducks. I like "Ducks glide" better.

reply by Gypsy Blue Rose on 03-Dec-2020

It's ok... No worries. Katherine and I added chapters...we have a new path

reply by the author on 03-Dec-2020

Yes. I saw the new chapters
And what a new direction!

Comment from Mark D. R.

Excellent

A very nice addition to this Renga collaboration. You selected a great photograph to add 'color' and nuance to your two-line 7-7 couplet. Sadly, that cleansing is diminished in recent years by global warning factors.

IMHO... these short verses are most effective when text lines are centered, however increasing the font size for the same may add to the presentation appeal for other FS reviewers.

Mark

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

Ok. I have increased the font size to 16 already. I can enlarge more.

Thanks for the nice review.

reply by Mark D. R. on 02-Dec-2020

Lisa,

I use 22-point almost exclusively for my posts. It is your personal visual choice if 16 vs. 22 is better. Take a look and see if an increased size appeals to you or not.

Mark

Comment from palmart

Excellent

Funny poem that is nicely complemented with a great picture of the swan and the lagoon! You have the camera ready in every single second to take unique pictures, as this one. Keep on that way and you´ll have many unique instants in life! Congratulations!

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

Yes. The smart phone cameras are getting better and better.

Thanks for the ice review

reply by palmart on 02-Dec-2020

You´re very welcome, Lisa!

Blessings!

Comment from LeftHandedScribe

Excellent

Well, first...I am impressed as hell that you even know what a Renga is! I love this little piece. I am going to write a Renga! The photo is a nice button on this poem.

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

You should try it. Thanks for the nice reviews

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Such a cool picture and your poem matches it perfectly. The shape of the ice floes do look like swans. The last line about "years of cleansing" gives a feeling that these contributed to the environment. Thanks for joining in the Renga book!

 Comment Written 02-Dec-2020

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reply by the author on 02-Dec-2020

Thanks for the nice review. This is my third poem for this book and I contributed about 8 times for the last one. I have gotten better now. Gypsy taught me a lot. Sometimes, two people contributed at the same time and it caused the mess. The cleaning up was fun.

reply by lyenochka on 02-Dec-2020

I'm learning lots by reading Gypsy's poems. Thanks for sharing about what happens when there are simultaneous follow-up poems!