Chip's Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Discomfort Zone"FanStory Collection
102 total reviews
Comment from MsPetra
Wow. You have done a great job here.
You held true to form.
You had a message and it was conveyed with style. Kudos on that regard.
I didn't see anything that needed changing. I will be looking forward to your next offering.
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Wow. You have done a great job here.
You held true to form.
You had a message and it was conveyed with style. Kudos on that regard.
I didn't see anything that needed changing. I will be looking forward to your next offering.
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Many thanks!
Comment from Coco Jane
Great advice, though hard to follow that advice!
Maybe instead of "shatter," use a word related to feet, as you did with "tread" and "tiptoe" and "dance." Something like "stomp" or the like.
I really like the dancing image.
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Great advice, though hard to follow that advice!
Maybe instead of "shatter," use a word related to feet, as you did with "tread" and "tiptoe" and "dance." Something like "stomp" or the like.
I really like the dancing image.
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thanks, Coco! Needed the extra syllable to be compliant;^) Still, there could have been other choices for sure.
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Stomp on?
Trample?
Those have two syllables.
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Stomp on is perfect, Jane, thanks!
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You?re welcome!
Now, consider putting each of the four ?foot? words?tread, tiptoe, stomp, and dance?on its own line, as you did in the first line.
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That's a bit more of a challenge given the 1-5-5-9 pattern requirement.
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Oops, I didn?t realize there was a line limit.
Comment from LisaMay
This is a nicely inspirational poem... I just hope that rock is stable if she decides to do a dance on her shattered fear. I think fear is a good handbrake at times, for our own safety, but only in cases of physical risk. We should embrace it and overcome it if we want to live a large life.
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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This is a nicely inspirational poem... I just hope that rock is stable if she decides to do a dance on her shattered fear. I think fear is a good handbrake at times, for our own safety, but only in cases of physical risk. We should embrace it and overcome it if we want to live a large life.
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thanks, LisaMay.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I love the inspirational message of this. We can't go around it. The only option to conquer it is to face it head on and overcome it as you've stated so well. I love the accompanying artwork and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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I love the inspirational message of this. We can't go around it. The only option to conquer it is to face it head on and overcome it as you've stated so well. I love the accompanying artwork and enjoyed reading this well written work. Well done!
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thank you, Jeffrey!
Comment from Beri Bee
Thank you for another poem with great advice! It's interesting that you rhyme the first and last lines and also the two middle rhymes. I don't think I've read this scheme before. It's certainly an awesome image to dance on one's fears!
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thank you for another poem with great advice! It's interesting that you rhyme the first and last lines and also the two middle rhymes. I don't think I've read this scheme before. It's certainly an awesome image to dance on one's fears!
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thank you, Beri!
Comment from susand3022
Hi Chip, Your poem reminded me of nothing so much as the lengthy line of people currently standing and waiting for their chance to stand on the peak of Mt Everest. Then dieing on the way down because they ran out of air and being left up there because it's just too dangerous to try to bring a body down a mountain like that. I like your picture better. Sunshine and plenty of air! :)
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Hi Chip, Your poem reminded me of nothing so much as the lengthy line of people currently standing and waiting for their chance to stand on the peak of Mt Everest. Then dieing on the way down because they ran out of air and being left up there because it's just too dangerous to try to bring a body down a mountain like that. I like your picture better. Sunshine and plenty of air! :)
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thanks, Susan!
Comment from karenina
Very good! I have to confess when I saw the syllable count/format I thought it would never work...toob "bottom heavy" I imagined. Well.
I admit I was wrong...this works in all kinds of ways. Your image is perfect with your poem...and your poem inches us closer to the edge cautiously and then rejoices with us as we contemplate that life is only as scary as we allow it to be in our mind!--Karenina
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Very good! I have to confess when I saw the syllable count/format I thought it would never work...toob "bottom heavy" I imagined. Well.
I admit I was wrong...this works in all kinds of ways. Your image is perfect with your poem...and your poem inches us closer to the edge cautiously and then rejoices with us as we contemplate that life is only as scary as we allow it to be in our mind!--Karenina
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Thanks as always, Karenina!
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Thank YOU...you always inpire!--Karenina
Comment from Joy Graham
Your words of wisdom and encouragement hit me right where and when I need it. I have recently doubted my writing ability. But, I decided to continue writing in my own style and tough for the critics who know it all.
Best wishes to you in this contest. You connected with me in this one. I can definitely relate.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Your words of wisdom and encouragement hit me right where and when I need it. I have recently doubted my writing ability. But, I decided to continue writing in my own style and tough for the critics who know it all.
Best wishes to you in this contest. You connected with me in this one. I can definitely relate.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 31-May-2019
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Write on, Joy! While I do appreciate and employ the occasional technical recommendation (not my strong suit, things such as when to start a new paragraph in a short story, proper punctuation, etc.), I find it a bit haughty of some folks here to try to convince you to write like they do. We all have own style, or should, anyway. How very boring and pedestrian if we all wrote exactly the same way, employing all the proper rules and such. Pfffttt!!! Glad this one resonated with you, Joy!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written four-line poem about conquerring our fear by do the things we fear until we can shatter the fear and dance with it and next time we enjoy it even more.
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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A very well-written four-line poem about conquerring our fear by do the things we fear until we can shatter the fear and dance with it and next time we enjoy it even more.
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thanks, Sandra.
Comment from Rmocruz
I find this to be a solidly rhymed brief verse, presenting a worthy message.
Your artwork selection does well to complement.
A well crafted effort overall!
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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I find this to be a solidly rhymed brief verse, presenting a worthy message.
Your artwork selection does well to complement.
A well crafted effort overall!
Comment Written 30-May-2019
reply by the author on 30-May-2019
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Thank you!
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You're welcome!
