All Those Puzzling Pieces
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Our Game"What makes a life? How do the pieces fit?
101 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Outstanding!
You have done a perfect job conveying hurt, anger and wanting to get even.
I could, and I'm sure many others, could totally relate to what you have expressed here.
Like how you italicized "that's" for emphasis.
What a clever way for you to describe it all too ... in terms of a game of chess.
Loved how you ended it:
"queen takes all
kings fall
when they
least expect it"
This was brilliant!
The accompanying artwork was made to order for your poem.
So well done! This deserves to win the contest .... hands down ... it truly does!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Outstanding!
You have done a perfect job conveying hurt, anger and wanting to get even.
I could, and I'm sure many others, could totally relate to what you have expressed here.
Like how you italicized "that's" for emphasis.
What a clever way for you to describe it all too ... in terms of a game of chess.
Loved how you ended it:
"queen takes all
kings fall
when they
least expect it"
This was brilliant!
The accompanying artwork was made to order for your poem.
So well done! This deserves to win the contest .... hands down ... it truly does!
bichonfrisegirl aka Connie
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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wow! thank you so much Connie!!!
Comment from Black_Oxygen
queen takes all
kings fall
when they least
expect it
I like the way this poetry is framed. It held my
interest from start to finish. It uses non-confusing
language making it easy to understand. The attached
photo is a befitting accent. Thank You for your
creation.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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queen takes all
kings fall
when they least
expect it
I like the way this poetry is framed. It held my
interest from start to finish. It uses non-confusing
language making it easy to understand. The attached
photo is a befitting accent. Thank You for your
creation.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Thank you so much Ron!
Comment from Kiki12
And I think you explored those emotions beautifully. The puppet "dangling, strangling" at the end of the string- it's such a strong image and forceful emotion, no ambiguity concerning the feelings surrounding this poem :0) I think the format is very clever and effective.
Kiki
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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And I think you explored those emotions beautifully. The puppet "dangling, strangling" at the end of the string- it's such a strong image and forceful emotion, no ambiguity concerning the feelings surrounding this poem :0) I think the format is very clever and effective.
Kiki
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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thank you so much, Kiki! Always interesting to explore the "dark", yes?
Comment from oNray
Wow, that started off like a freshly written pit bull love poem. But then we settle in and find another venerable person (In this case a woman) in what feels like a one sided love affair
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Wow, that started off like a freshly written pit bull love poem. But then we settle in and find another venerable person (In this case a woman) in what feels like a one sided love affair
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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thanks so much oNray! :)
Comment from bard owl
Ooohh. This one is quite dark. Not only does it sound menacing, it is full of revenge. This is an excellent contest entry. Best of luck to you.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Ooohh. This one is quite dark. Not only does it sound menacing, it is full of revenge. This is an excellent contest entry. Best of luck to you.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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aah, yes, dark it was meant to be bard owl - thx!
Comment from ravenblack
damn! really like how you turn a poem themed on feelings to one in which the speaker states it is devoid of feeling thus building an intense feeling of dread in the reader. very original. "dank black lack of them attacking,tarred lip- smacking, scarred wormy ball of them." grest images/language/cutting rhythm. just please, don't write a sociopathic serial killer poem or I might just have to sleep w/the lights on.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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damn! really like how you turn a poem themed on feelings to one in which the speaker states it is devoid of feeling thus building an intense feeling of dread in the reader. very original. "dank black lack of them attacking,tarred lip- smacking, scarred wormy ball of them." grest images/language/cutting rhythm. just please, don't write a sociopathic serial killer poem or I might just have to sleep w/the lights on.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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sociopath? little ol' me? he he he ... always good to exercise the dark writing muscles, as we don't acknowledge them very often, do we? THANK YOU, my dear, for your lovely SIX! That made my coffee taste very good this morning!
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of course, you drink it black
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absolutely! and a shot of something stronger!
Comment from BeasPeas
Your message does express the dark side of a relationship that should be ended--so mission accomplished. To stay is to tempt the fates to resolve it through violence turned inward toward the victim or outward to the victimizer. Best to get out. Structurally your poem is unique in its presentation, powerful in its expression. It leaves the reader with no means to maneuver, boxes us in so to speak--just like the victim--waiting for the shoe to fall.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Your message does express the dark side of a relationship that should be ended--so mission accomplished. To stay is to tempt the fates to resolve it through violence turned inward toward the victim or outward to the victimizer. Best to get out. Structurally your poem is unique in its presentation, powerful in its expression. It leaves the reader with no means to maneuver, boxes us in so to speak--just like the victim--waiting for the shoe to fall.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Indeed. Always interesting to explore the "dark", yes? No worries dear - it's fiction. :)
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An excellent poem whether fiction or not. You were able to convey the "dark" very well. The poem entices the reader, almost in comic book style, to become a voyeur in this relationship.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Whew! This guy needs to remember the Alana Bobbit story (Several years ago, sensational news story about angry wife who cut off husband's . . . .!) You have use powerful language to convey the mindset of a woman whose anger is almost ready to explode!
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Whew! This guy needs to remember the Alana Bobbit story (Several years ago, sensational news story about angry wife who cut off husband's . . . .!) You have use powerful language to convey the mindset of a woman whose anger is almost ready to explode!
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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oh I do remember that one - thx Janice!
Comment from elliejean
I love the picture. I love the poem. I love the feelings. You can not keep using someone and not expect them to bite back. You may think you have a perfect victim. Watch out. Victims learn too.They can be like the wild animal. They will wait until your weakest moment and bite back. Great work.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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I love the picture. I love the poem. I love the feelings. You can not keep using someone and not expect them to bite back. You may think you have a perfect victim. Watch out. Victims learn too.They can be like the wild animal. They will wait until your weakest moment and bite back. Great work.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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thx so much elliejean! absolutely they do!
Comment from Righteous Riter
I'm a man of chess, of thinking, of calculation and positioning. This is a good piece with a good message. The photo is good. This piece flows well and my attention is captured and held to the end. Excellent job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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I'm a man of chess, of thinking, of calculation and positioning. This is a good piece with a good message. The photo is good. This piece flows well and my attention is captured and held to the end. Excellent job.
Comment Written 13-Feb-2013
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2013
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Wow! Thank you so much for your wonderful review RR! That special "six" went down awfully well with my coffee this morning my dear!