Comment from fayesh

Good

I thought the poem had potential, but you need to follow the logic of your poetic development. In the first stanza you said,
"Hallowed is the ground
Tread not until now

But in the last stanza, you contradict the first stanza. If you didn't trample the ground, who are "they" and who are "they" following?

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Fayesh, thank you for your review and comments! Second sentence is "tread not until now". Trepidation at first.....then went for it and did trample....later hoping that others can learn from the example of overcoming one's fears. I was encouraged by someone who helped me to do just that and it inspired me to write this poem. And the encouragement and critique from this site is also very inspiring! Again, thank you for reviewing and giving your critique........regards.....Sue

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Fayesh...thank you so much for highlighting this. I went back to read the poem and could not find the contradiction until I saw that there was a misspelling. In the last stanza, it was supposed to be "NOW trampled by me", however, I had it typed in as "NOT". Oh my! You picked up on that, and I thank you!

reply by fayesh on 17-Nov-2008

You're welcome. Glad I could help.

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

You DID help. Here I am presenting a poem with a serious typo! Had you not mentioned it, it may have stayed that way!

I read and re-read it trying to 'hear' what you did and finally caught it.

However.....I've read it enough to know that perhaps I shouldn't have the word "NOW" in there twice. What do you think? As I have only just started writing, any input from those who care is SO welcomed and wanting!

If you don't mind, your opinion does matter lots!

Thanking you,
Sue

reply by fayesh on 17-Nov-2008

you asked for my input and here it is :

Last stanza

Hallowed is that ground
yet travelled by me (trampled is too violent)

Never ask a poet for input :))

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Well, I asked and I got it!! Ha!!!! Okay.....I am going to highly consider.
Need to feel it as I go. **tweak, tweak**

Thank you very much for your taking your time on all this!

Best regards,
Sue

Comment from honeytree

Excellent

"Hallowed is the ground
Tread not until now
Imprints only made
After humility...then a bow

No guide, nor a map
Only a voice that says yes
Lost until found
Upon conceding...no digress

Hallowed is that ground!
Not trampled by me
Others will follow
Willingly...set free"

I guess it is best to stay put until someone finds you
otherwise one maybe really lost forever.I enjoyed reading.
I feel one should mark the spot in someway to be found.
Also if the ground is holy we should respect this spot found.

Brilliant writing.

Honeytree

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Honeytree, your very generous review is so appreciated. And so are your lovely comments. Regards......Sue

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

I like the hopeful, positive
feeling your poem conveys.
We must all take chances and
tread new ground. Lovely
phrasing and good rhyme.
welcome to FS. Nancy

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Nancy, thank you for your warm welcome! And for your generous review and comments. Much appreciated.......Sue

Comment from eraserlynch

Excellent

Great inspirational write and welcome to the world of trying to push your writing comfort zones to learn how to write more and more. Look forward to reading more soon.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Thank you so much for your generous review and your inspiring words to keep on! So glad I joined up on this site. Very sincere critiques and encouragements. Much appreciated......Sue

Comment from Donovan

Excellent

Good strong expression of charting a new course in untested waters. It is scary when we do that, but there is a freeing in it all. Well worded and the message is clear.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Donovan, Yes, it is absolutely liberating once you do cross that line you've so wanted to do! Thank you so much for your very generous review and comments. Very much appreciated....Sue

Comment from SteveI

Excellent

Good poem. I liked the positive message that others will follow in your path to set others free. I liked the idea of exploring no map nor guide.
Good job.
Steve!

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Steve, I am so glad you interpreted the last part the way I intended! Being encouraged by another to just go for it does set an example for others to do the same! Thank you so much for your generous review and kind comments. Yeah....no map nor guide..............Sue

Comment from Hitcher

Excellent

I liked it! Believing in ones self to make the right decisions and tentatively taking those first steps, no guide, nor a map just your faith in yourself, at least that is what I take from it. Well done, very nice.

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Hitcher, thank you so much for your very generous review and comments. Yes, taking those first steps sometimes..... It even took faith in myself to write a poem. So, we just "do it"!! Much appreciated........Sue

Comment from starman

Excellent

I read this twice to get the feel of it. Are we talking as per the Lord's path or a path to spiritual enlightenment? If so, I like the concept.

;)s

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Starman, thank you so much for your very kind review. As with any expressionist art, it may be perceived in so many ways for each person. For me, it is dedicated to a person who encouraged me to take that path that I did not know I could actually accomplish. And that if I could do it, then perhaps I could be an example to others to do the same thing and just "go for it"! (whatever "it" is). Again, many thanks.......Sue

Comment from Janelle

Excellent

Haven't we all, at one time or another, been scared to take that first step into the unkown? I know I have. One of my favourite quotes is: "A journey of a thousand miles, begins with the first step", it's just finding the courage to take that first step that's the hardest things to do, but once taken gives you so much reward, even if you don't finish the journey. This is a nice read but may I suggest you use a little colour as it would add even more life to your words.

Hallowed is that ground!
Not trampled by me
Others will follow
Willingly...set free

I liked these lines the best. Well done, keep writing, regards, Jan

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

As I've raised 6 children, my advice to them was always to just "jump off the cliff" and go for it. Easier said than done!! Then, there is that special person who sees you need that encouragement and you follow their "yes you can". I wrote this for a person who recently did this for me. Thank you so much for your great review and your lovely comments! So appreciated.....Sue

reply by Janelle on 17-Nov-2008

You're welcome:) Six kids huh?! That's a lot of parachutes you're packing Mum! LOL. Regards, Jan

reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

I am quite literally LMAO!!! Parachuting-packin' Mama!

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello 6teezkid,
I get a spiritual feeling from your poem like it's like God's voice is guiding your path of life when you said-
Hallowed is the ground ( it like saying blessed is the ground of God I walk upon)
Just my thought sorry for rambling on.

Thank you for sharing your poetic voice
Gert

 Comment Written 17-Nov-2008

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reply by the author on 17-Nov-2008

Gert, I most certainly appreciate your most thoughtful comments! No apologies at all!!! Thank you so much for your review and and I am so glad you like my poem. So appreciated......Sue