Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Farewell"Poems written using the pantoum form
79 total reviews
Comment from costellsgirl33
Yet shutter at the sadness of farewell. That is my favorite part of your poem. I absolutely love the image that you used. Your poem was lovely and I enjoyed the flow of it. Very nice
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Yet shutter at the sadness of farewell. That is my favorite part of your poem. I absolutely love the image that you used. Your poem was lovely and I enjoyed the flow of it. Very nice
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Many thanks, Costellsgirl, for taking the time to review. Much appreciated, as are your lovely comments.
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You are very welcome my friend. It was a lovely poem
Arnetta
Comment from tbacha58
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
That span the empty loneliness of space
As we must surely do, my love and I,
Until at length we can again embrace.
Your true feelings describe your picture and thoughts in a unique way. What an outstanding poem for the this contest, winner you are, good luck, I enjoyed seeing the completion of the stars light above the vast ocean. Keep writing, no farewell. Hugs Terry xoxo
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
That span the empty loneliness of space
As we must surely do, my love and I,
Until at length we can again embrace.
Your true feelings describe your picture and thoughts in a unique way. What an outstanding poem for the this contest, winner you are, good luck, I enjoyed seeing the completion of the stars light above the vast ocean. Keep writing, no farewell. Hugs Terry xoxo
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a lovely review, Terry! Much appreciated!
Comment from Jay Squires
I wish I had a 6 to award this poem, tfawcus, but your reward will have to come from the contest committee.
I have nothing but respect for anyone who can excel in such a difficult Sonnet form. There's not any room for wingin' it!
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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I wish I had a 6 to award this poem, tfawcus, but your reward will have to come from the contest committee.
I have nothing but respect for anyone who can excel in such a difficult Sonnet form. There's not any room for wingin' it!
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a lovely review, Jay! Much appreciated!
Comment from Just Pete
This is one of my favourite poetry forms and you've done a great job with it. Its history is interesting too. Originally a Malay tradition, the Pantun was composed with each line created by a different participant. Each player had to remember the lines before and add one. It was adopted by the French who promptly called it their own. I wish you luck with this one. Peter
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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This is one of my favourite poetry forms and you've done a great job with it. Its history is interesting too. Originally a Malay tradition, the Pantun was composed with each line created by a different participant. Each player had to remember the lines before and add one. It was adopted by the French who promptly called it their own. I wish you luck with this one. Peter
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Thank you for this interesting review, Peter. One would have to be a quick thinker well steeped in an oral tradition to excel in such a game! Thank you, too, for the generous award of 6 stars.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Simply mesmerizing, my dear Tony! The Pantoum Sonnet is, indeed, such a beautiful form of poetic expression. Your lovely, poignant poem was perfectly suited for it, I feel.
Wonderfully done, my talented friend. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Simply mesmerizing, my dear Tony! The Pantoum Sonnet is, indeed, such a beautiful form of poetic expression. Your lovely, poignant poem was perfectly suited for it, I feel.
Wonderfully done, my talented friend. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a kind review, Dean! Much appreciated! I have been mesmerised by your picture! I'm not sure how to place a picture in a text field like this and can't see any guidance on the website except the suggestion that it needs to be done through a link to a website.
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A lovely piece of writing deserves nothing less than the best review my paltry brain power can conjure up, Tony. And your poem was indeed lovely. Thanks so much for sharing it with us all, I really enjoyed it.
Comment from Joy Graham
Nice iambic pentameter. Good repeating lines that work well wherever placed. Good closing couplet. I particularly enjoyed your rhymes of farewell/swell. Nice message about the stars. Makes me think of the stories behind the constellations. Good luck to you in this contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Nice iambic pentameter. Good repeating lines that work well wherever placed. Good closing couplet. I particularly enjoyed your rhymes of farewell/swell. Nice message about the stars. Makes me think of the stories behind the constellations. Good luck to you in this contest.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a lovely review, Joy! Much appreciated!
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A beautifully penned poem. This cannot have been easy to write as both of those forms tend to be difficult. A lovely write my friend, with an awesome presentation.~Debbie
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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A beautifully penned poem. This cannot have been easy to write as both of those forms tend to be difficult. A lovely write my friend, with an awesome presentation.~Debbie
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a lovely review, Debbie! Much appreciated!
Comment from rama devi
Eloquent, beautiful and refined. Very well crafted, my friend. Flawless meter, fine rhyming and superbly smooth repeating lines. Especially loved:
Alive in this blue hour of shifting light.
The subtle consonance of S and assonance of I are delicious read aloud.
and this line is exquisite:
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
Superb alliteration and consonance of S and consonance of T too.
Stars dancing on the sea--a lovely image.
One suggestion:
Until(,) at length(,) we can again embrace.
Also, reading this aloud, this line is slightly awkward (to my ear) with the emphasis on CAN --not wrong, but it sounds unnatural a bit--could be diction. Here's an idea for your consideration:
Until again, at length, we shall embrace.
or
Until we can, at length, again embrace.
Lovely closing couplet. A tender tone. Very sweet.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Eloquent, beautiful and refined. Very well crafted, my friend. Flawless meter, fine rhyming and superbly smooth repeating lines. Especially loved:
Alive in this blue hour of shifting light.
The subtle consonance of S and assonance of I are delicious read aloud.
and this line is exquisite:
Such sea-glass stars have twins set in the sky
Superb alliteration and consonance of S and consonance of T too.
Stars dancing on the sea--a lovely image.
One suggestion:
Until(,) at length(,) we can again embrace.
Also, reading this aloud, this line is slightly awkward (to my ear) with the emphasis on CAN --not wrong, but it sounds unnatural a bit--could be diction. Here's an idea for your consideration:
Until again, at length, we shall embrace.
or
Until we can, at length, again embrace.
Lovely closing couplet. A tender tone. Very sweet.
Good luck in the contest
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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As always, I deeply appreciate the time and trouble you take with your reviewing, RD, and your wise advice. I have re-read the poem several times and agree absolutely with your suggestion. I have amended the line to read, 'Until we can, at length, again embrace'.
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Thanks for your very gracious response and for letting me know of your revision, too. Glad to be of help. Appreciate your kind words! Warmly, rd
Comment from Erik McGinley
Very nice poem.
It read almost like prose but has those subtle nuances that send you mind spinning off to think about related emotions, thoughts and feelings.
Lovely poem :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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Very nice poem.
It read almost like prose but has those subtle nuances that send you mind spinning off to think about related emotions, thoughts and feelings.
Lovely poem :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-May-2014
reply by the author on 19-May-2014
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What a kind review, Erik! Much appreciated!