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POEMS, SONGS AND NOTES

Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Love's Last Breath"
When I dabble at things.....

78 total reviews 
Comment from Joan E.
Excellent
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This is a very powerful short loved poem filled with pathos. One can see how shattered he is by the loss. The title and hands were the perfect complement to your words. I also admired your use of alliteration.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    Joan

    Thank you so much. Poetry is not what I do, it's what I attempt. I can't do it like you and some others, but I give it a shot. Thanks for the kind review. Carol
Comment from Kasey Carroll
Excellent
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Very loving and touching poem. Sounds like a couple that has been together for a very long time. Good picture and great flow of the poem. Good job.

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    KC thank you so much for your kind review. It is hard to write a story in fifteen words. CArol
Comment from Kingsland
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this has a very simple message but yet in a very good poetic vogue. I enjoyed reading this very short poetic rendering.It was my pleasure to have written a review for... John

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    John

    Thanks so much for your kind review. It is difficult to condense a story into 15 words. Carol
Comment from Mariea
Excellent
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A beautiful heartfelt piece of poetry. I enjoyed it.

Flow - fluid movement
Structure - well put together and developed
Emotion - of the struggle to come to terms with the possibility of losing a loved one.

Regards Mia

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    Mia

    Thanks so much for the kind review. A lifetime in fifteen words. Definitely a challenge. Carol
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Excellent
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You have definitely described true love in the limitations of this work very well done well presented good luck regards Fuller

 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    Fuller

    Thanks for the kind review. Definitely a challenge to put a lifetime of love in 15 words. Carol
Comment from words
Excellent
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Very well done.

Short, to the point.

Impactfull

I especially liked:!

A lifetime shared,

His last breath he would give,

Holding hands


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    Words I must have borrowed these words from you. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from TillMcCauley
Excellent
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I really enjoyed this little poem. Little in words but not in thought or the idea of true love. I think you did a fabulous job of using just 15 words to express such deep commitment and love betweent two. Thanks for sharing.

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 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    TillMcCauley

    Thanks for the kind review. It's hard to tell a complete story in fifteen words. I'm glad you understood what I was trying to say about a lifetime of love.

    Carol
Comment from Blue Danube
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Begin Again:
"Love's Last Breath" is a moving poem as well as photo of hands. I've seen hands like that in real life.

I noticed the second & fourth lines are rhyming.
Do you also keep a certain syllable count?
What criteria do you use in order to separate one line from the other. As in what tells you it is time to begin a new line.
Sorry for all the questions. I'll be buying a book on How-To Write poetry soon. I never expected this form of expression would interest me until I started reading FanStory.com
BLUE

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 Comment Written 06-Aug-2009

reply by the author on 06-Aug-2009
    Blue

    Thank you for reading my poem. I'm not the one to ask about poetry since I prefer to write stories. There are a zillion different ways of writing. Some rhyme, others are free verse, and then there is the ones you have to count syllables for or the acrostic which is the first letter of every line spells a word. This particular contest said I could only use fifteen words to write a love poem. Sometimes they ask for only 6 to tell a story. I like to rhyme the second and fourth lines but that's just basic poetry. This site has some wonderful poets like adewpearl or Margaret Snowden to name two. Each one has a different style. Luna writes magical poems, amfunny writes humorous, and there are so many more. Good luck...jump in and give it a try.

    Carol
reply by Blue Danube on 06-Aug-2009
    Begin Again:

    I appreciate your detailed response to my questions regarding How-To poetry and also for suggesting some of the good poets on this site and I will go find their work.

    Thanks !

    BLUE